Roots and Wings
by nojamhands
Summary: What if Rory didn't go to Harvard OR Yale? When Rory decides to go to school elsewhere, the impact it has on Lorelai, Emily and Richard, and Luke (among others) is greater than she ever could've imagined. Rated T for language.
1. The Future Freaks Me Out

**Author's Note:** Surprise, surprise — I'm back for more :)

First of all, thank you all so much for your support, whether you're just a reader, an avid reviewer, or cheer me on from the sidelines. If it wasn't for that, my validation-craving self would not still be writing.

A little background on this story…I don't remember exactly how it came to be, but I know I was tossing around some AU ideas with **jumpingcattlehockey** earlier this year, and this was one of them. We both agreed it would be an interesting idea to explore. So after loads of encouragement, spitballing, and discussion with her, **savvyliterate** , and **meags09** , this fic was born (although I know this will all keep happening as I continue working on this fic - check out their writing in the meantime...you won't regret it).

This is still a work in progress, so please bear with me. I've got most of the beginning written, but the middle is going to take some time. I hope you will stick with me, though! I've got it all outlined and planned.

I want to go ahead and make a general disclaimer that I don't own any of this. It all belongs to the WB (RIP), ASP, and Netflix. Also, just like with In My Head, I don't know that I will always remember to say that I borrowed dialogue from eps. So go ahead and assume if it sounds familiar or extremely witty, it's not mine.

Last but not least, the title of this work: Roots & Wings. I got the idea from a poem I am going to paste at the end of this A/N. If you don't feel like reading it now, it's all good. The main idea is a child asking their parents for only roots and wings — "roots to cling to and wings to set me free."

This chapter titled after a song by Motion City Soundtrack.

I promise the rest of the A/N's will not be this long.

Hope you enjoy :)

Roots & Wings by Denis Waitley

 _If I had two wishes,I know what they would be_

 _I'd wish for roots to cling to, and wings to set me free;_

 _roots of inner values, like rings within a tree,_

 _and wings of independence to seek my destiny._

 _Roots to hold forever to keep me safe and strong,_

 _to let me know you love me, when I've done something wrong;_

 _to show me by example, and helps me learn to choose,_

 _to take those actions everyday, to win instead of lose._

 _Just be there when I need you, to tell me it's alright,_

 _to face my fear of falling when I test my wings in flight;_

 _Don't make my life to easy, it's better if I try,_

 _And fail and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly._

 _If I had two wishes, and two were all I had,_

 _And they could just be granted, by my Mom and Dad;_

 _I wouldn't ask for money any store-bought things,_

 _the greatest gifts i'd ask for are simply Roots and Wings._

* * *

 **The Future Freaks Me Out**

"So you're going through this horrible period of applying to college," Natalie said to Rory.

"It's not so horrible."

"She's got it pretty well covered," Richard added proudly.

"That's right!" Lorelai smiled at her daughter, her eyes glowing with pride.

Natalie and Douglas continued talking with Rory about her applications, relaying stories of disappointments and life plans gone awry after their grandchildren received unexpected rejections. Even though Rory was not terribly concerned, hearing these stories still gave her an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The feeling only got worse as Natalie and Douglas continued to press her about which schools she was interested in.

"Where did you apply, dear?" Natalie inquired.

"Harvard."

"No word yet?" Douglas asked her.

"I'm not supposed to hear back for awhile."

"Where else?"

 _What's with the third degree, Douglas?_ Rory wondered. The thought of where this conversation would likely end up made her extremely anxious.

"Where else?" She managed to say.

"Where else did you apply? Your alternates?"

Natalie added, "We're so curious, it's like we've been going through this ourselves."

"Well, I'm pretty much counting on Harvard," Rory said, hoping that would be a good enough answer to end the conversation.

"Well, you didn't apply to just Harvard, did you?"

 _Apparently not._ Rory shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "Well, no."

This got Lorelai's attention. "No?"

Natalie seemed to catch the surprise in Lorelai's voice. "Am I prying?"

 _Yes_ Rory thought, but said, "No."

"We applied elsewhere?" Lorelai asked.

 _You say we like you're the one who is going to college. Like you're the one having to make a life-changing decision,_ Rory thought bitterly. But as soon as this crossed her mind, she immediately felt guilty. She knew her mother had worked tirelessly to make sure she could achieve this goal.

 _Your goal or her goal,_ a voice inside her asked.

 _It's my goal, too. I've worked my whole life for this,_ she assured herself.

 _Then why haven't you told her_ —

Her internal debate was interrupted by Lorelai asking if Chilton really wouldn't allow her to apply to only one school.

"Pretty much," Rory told her.

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I was going to."

The other adults jumped to her defense.

"You have to be safe."

"My grandson – six schools."

"Same with Dustin."

Lorelai barely heard them. "Where else did you apply?

This was exactly the conversation Rory was hoping to avoid. "Just at some other schools."

"Well, if you're aiming at Harvard, that would be Princeton, Yale, maybe Vassar, Wesleyan," said Douglas.

"Certainly Yale because of Richard's connections, yes?" Claude asked.

Natalie agreed. "I would assume so."

Rory was growing more uneasy by the second. "Those are the kinds of places, yup."

Lorelai couldn't believe what she was hearing. "The kinds of places or the places? Rory?"

 _Time to bite the bullet,_ Rory thought. "Princeton. . . um, Yale."

"Yale?" Lorelai asked incredulously.

"Yes?" Richard said.

"Yale, Dad?" She could not believe her parents would go to these lengths, behind her back nonetheless, to get Rory to attend their beloved Yale.

"Oh, this is the first I'm hearing about it, Lorelai."

"Oh, bull."

As the adults continued to argue, Rory tried her best to defend herself. Although everything she said was the truth, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt knowing she had other irons in the fire that she was not yet willing to discuss.

* * *

Rory was grateful for the silent ride home; it gave her plenty of time to mull over the events of the evening.

She really had intended to tell Lorelai about her other applications; it was not unreasonable or unusual for someone in her position to keep their options open and apply to a couple of backups.

Rory groaned inwardly at the thought of having to tell her mother that she had not limited herself to exploring the idea of attending only Princeton or Yale rather than Harvard. Based on how well Lorelai received the news of those applications, Rory could only imagine how her mother would feel about her applying to schools that were at least an hour further away from home than Princeton was.

 _Hey mom! Just wanted to let you know I also applied to UPenn. Don't worry - it's over 3 hours away on a good day!_

Though that might not go over terribly once Lorelai got used to the idea; Harvard wasn't exactly close either. But the thought of having to tell her about the other schools… _Rice, Notre Dame, Stanford…how can I tell my mom I may be moving across the country?_

Truthfully, Rory was a little surprised her mother was so shocked and appalled that she had allowed herself to have a myriad of choices. After all, she had three bus books so she could pick and choose what to read depending on her mood. She was planning on taking at least a dozen books on their Europe trip because who could know what would strike her on a six week excursion? What was wrong with wanting choices?

But Rory knew Lorelai wouldn't see it as keeping her options open — not at first at least. She would see it as her daughter trying to get as far away from her as possible; she would think Rory was trying to escape her. Even though Rory was only doing what she thought would be best for her future, Lorelai would take it as a very personal slight, and would be devastated.

It wasn't as if Rory had given her mother no consideration when she made her choices of where to apply. She knew it would be hard for the both of them to be far away from each other. They could easily talk on the phone or chat with a webcam, but she knew it was not the same. She had also weighed the pros and cons of Lorelai soon beginning to pursue her dream of opening her own inn with Sookie, which would leave her little time to potentially jet around the country to visit her daughter, but would provide her with a big distraction.

The thought of going months at a time without seeing her mother made Rory physically ache inside. But, as she reminded herself time and time again, that's what happens when you go to college; it's what normal people do. Even though the life she and her mom had was anything but ordinary, and though Rory was nothing but thankful for the relationship she had with Lorelai, she couldn't help but crave a little bit of normalcy as she transitioned into this new phase of her life.

* * *

Lorelai used the silent drive to process all the information she had received that evening. Rationally, she knew Yale would be just as good of a choice as Harvard, but its ties to her parents and the life she was "supposed" to have made her feel extremely uneasy.

The two Gilmores were making their way toward Sookie's when Rory finally broke the silence.

"Are you mad?" she asked nervously.

"No, I'm not mad."

"You seem mad."

"What are you feeling?

"I wouldn't know how to word it."

"Try."

Lorelai did her best to explain the thoughts running through her head to her daughter, and Rory tried to give her the reassurance she desperately needed. It didn't calm her anxious mind as much as she would have liked, but she knew that she would feel better once she had some time to wrap her head around the idea of Rory going to Yale or Princeton.

After they stopped by and chatted with a very intoxicated Sookie, the girls headed to the diner for a coffee.

"Get more trash cans!" They heard Jess yell.

"I don't need more," Luke insisted.

"You make me run around town for a place to dump this!"

"Just dump it in one of Taylor's bins. It gets out of here and it'll drive Taylor crazy. It's a win-win."

The two men continued to bicker after Lorelai and Rory greeted them. Jess tried to get the girls to help him convince Luke to buy more trash cans, but his uncle waved him off. **"** Just go."

"You got any coffee?" Lorelai asked.

"That I've got. Hey did I see flames coming from Sookie's place about a half ago ago?"

"Yeah, why?" Lorelai replied as she and Luke walked into the diner.

Rory followed Jess down the sidewalk. He started to speak but she silenced him with a kiss. "Hi."

"Hi," he said, thrilled by her enthusiastic greeting.

"Later." Rory started to walk away, but Jess stopped her.

"Or you can walk with me to ditch the garbage in Taylor's cans. It'll be fun."

Rory grinned at the mischievous glint in her boyfriend's eyes, and the two walked toward Doose's. As they got closer to the market, Dean emerged from the darkness and began to approach Jess. When he noticed Rory he seemed to change his mind and skulked away. Rory felt a twinge of guilt.

"I'm sorry if he has been bothering you," she said quietly.

"Not your fault."

"It is my fault. I treated him horribly."

Jess snorted. "And you think he was Prince Charming or something? He dumped you in front of everyone at the dance marathon, Rory."

"I deserved it after what I did. I —"

"No, Rory!" Jess interrupted, tossing the trash into the garbage cans roughly, causing some of the contents to spill out. "Shit." He and Rory picked up the detritus in silence, the tension between them sitting thickly in the air.

Jess sighed. "I just don't get why this guy is on such a pedestal with you and your mom. It seemed to me that he was kind of possessive and controlling."

Rory didn't say anything. Jess ran a hand through his hair. "Listen I'm not trying to pass judgement on your relationship with Dean —" Rory cocked an eyebrow at him. "Okay maybe I am. But I don't want you to think you deserved that crap at the dance marathon. I know I'm not exactly Steve Hale, but I would never treat you like that."

"I think that's the most words I've ever heard you speak at once. And you tossed a Full House reference in there? Wow!" Rory teased. She took his hand and laced her fingers through it. "I know you wouldn't, and Steve Hale isn't my type anyway."

The two walked happily back toward the diner.

"How was thanksgiving at the grandparents?" Jess asked. He felt Rory stiffen slightly.

"Um...well we have definitely had worse dinners."

"What happened?"

"My mom found out about Yale."

"It didn't go well?"

"I'd say somewhere between the Carter and Reagan administrations."

"She seemed okay when you guys got here."

Rory nodded. "She's adjusting. Processing."

"And how are you?"

Rory didn't respond right away.

"Rory?" Jess stopped walking and turned to searched her face for some clarity.

"What if…" she began anxiously. "What if I didn't go to Harvard? Or Yale? Or Princeton?"

Jess gave her a quizzical look. "Are you saying you don't want to go to college?"

Rory shook her head. "No! Of course not. I just…"

Jess placed a hand on her arm and lifted her chin so they could make eye contact. "Hey. Talk to me."

"What if I wanted to explore my options a little more? Those aren't the only prestigious universities in the U.S. They aren't even the only ones in New England."

"O…kay?"

"There's Columbia and Brown and UPenn and Dartmouth, and those are just the Ivies. What if I don't want to limit myself? What if I want to see what else is out there?"

Jess wasn't sure what to say. "Is this your way of telling me that you're looking at other schools?"

Rory nodded.

"Schools outside of New England?"

Rory nodded again and Jess felt his insides clench. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Jess knew he should ask, but couldn't bring himself to form the words.

"UPenn is one of the other places I applied," Rory said quietly. "That's still in New England."

"Where else?" Jess mumbled.

"What?"

"Where else, Rory?" he asked with more bite than he intended.

Her eyes widened, taken aback by his tone. "Um…"

"Rory! Mommy scored some of Luke's rolls! Let's get home and see just how full we really are!" Lorelai called from the diner steps.

Rory looked at her mother, back to Jess, then to her mother again, unsure of what to do. "Jess is gonna walk me home Mom! I'll see you in a few minutes!" Lorelai waved goodbye and began walking to the Crap Shack. Rory turned her eyes to Jess. "Walk me home?"

The two walked in silence for most of the journey. Rory finally grabbed his hand and pulled him to a halt. "I applied to three other back up schools besides UPenn."

"And I repeat: where else?" Jess asked, growing annoyed.

"Rice, Notre Dame, and Stanford."

Jess was shocked. "Texas? Indiana? California?! You can't be serious."

"Why not? What's wrong with those places?"

"Oh man, you have gotta be kidding me…"

"They're great schools Jess!" Rory said indignantly. "Why is it so ridiculous that I would want to apply to several top-tier universities?"

"They're thousands of miles away!"

"You think I don't know that? Do you really think I would make this kind of a decision lightly? That I would consider leaving my town, my friends, my family, or you without giving it any thought? That I would even think about practically abandoning my mother without making a thorough pro/con list?"

Jess felt a wave of guilt wash over him. Of course she would have put a lot of thought into this — she was Rory Gilmore, the girl who buys three highlighters, _just in case_. "You're right."

"This doesn't change anything between us. It won't," she insisted. "Besides, we don't even know that I'll get in."

Jess put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head as they resumed walking. "Yeah, right. Those schools would be morons to deny you. They're lucky you gave them the time of day."

When they reached the Crap Shack, Rory hesitated before kissing him goodnight. "Jess? Could you maybe not say anything to anyone about this?"

He scoffed. "Who would I tell?"

"It's just…I haven't told my mom about the other applications yet, and I don't want her to find out about it from someone else. I need to tell her myself and I need to tell her in my own time."

"I won't tell. Scout's Honor."

Rory smiled. "Thanks. And thanks for walking me home." She kissed him goodnight and bounded up the stairs into her house.

* * *

A/N: As a reminder, Natalie, Douglas, and Claude are all friends of Richard and Emily who attend Thanksgiving Dinner, in case that confused anyone.


	2. The Best Laid Plans

**A/N** : The timeline is a little off from the actual events of S3, so just know I am aware, but needed to alter it for the purposes of this story :)

Also, if you are a big fan of Jess, this chapter might rub you the wrong way. Just be warned.

This chapter title is part of a quote by Robert Burns:

 _The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry._

* * *

 **The Best Laid Plans**

Time seemed to fly by after Thanksgiving. Rory finished out the fall semester and the Christmas season was just a blur. Shortly after the holidays, the Gilmore Girls experienced the full spectrum of life: the birth of Rory's half-sister and the death of Stars Hollow's beloved bakery owner, Fran Weston. While Rory was excited to have a sibling, Lorelai was anxious to find out what would become of the Dragonfly.

With the spring semester underway, Rory found herself thinking more seriously about her backup schools. During her lunch period, she started going to the library to do additional research, which also helped her avoid Paris's pestering about whether or not she had heard back from Harvard.

Since she was unable to turn to her mother for advice, Rory was at a loss for what to do. Between avoiding talking to her mother and dodging Paris's incessant questioning, Rory found herself feeling very alone, not to mention exhausted from having to keep her secret. She had hoped she could confide in Jess, but things had been rocky between them following Jess's disastrous appearance at Friday Night Dinner. Nonetheless, Jess knew something was bothering her.

He tried to get her attention one evening while they were watching a movie in Luke's apartment. "Hey."

"Hey back."

"What's up?"

"Uh, just watching the movie. How about you?"

"No. I mean what's going on with you?"

"What?"

Jess sighed in frustration. "Come on, Rory. I know something is bothering you."

Rory stared at her lap for a minute before turning to face her boyfriend.

"Remember when I told you about my backup schools?"

Jess nodded.

"What if they weren't backups anymore? Or what if one of them was less of a hypothetical and more of a real possibility?"

Jess didn't reply, so Rory explained further, "I've been doing some serious research, and some of those schools are even better than I realized. They have some of the highest ranked programs in the country, with some areas out ranking even Harvard and Yale."

"Why are you suddenly so interested in anywhere but Harvard?" Jess asked abruptly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean from hearing you and your mom talk, Harvard is all you've ever thought about; it's been your dream practically since birth. But now not only are you tossing Harvard in the trash, you're scratching Yale off the list too? For what? It doesn't make sense."

"I'm not tossing them in the trash! I'm trying to make the best decision for me!"

"How are Harvard and Yale not the best decisions?! They're literally two of the best universities in the world! Some people would kill to be in your position!"

"Because it's _my_ future Jess! Not anyone else's. Not yours. Not my grandparents'. Not my mom's. Mine. This decision will have an effect on the rest of my life! I don't want to just accept a plan my mom laid out for me when I was a toddler. I don't want to accept the plans my grandparents have been making for me in secret. Maybe I don't _want_ to go to an Ivy League school — not if they're not going to be what's best for me in the long run. Maybe I will still end up at Harvard or Yale, but there's a good chance I might end up at Stanford instead."

"You're really thinking about Stanford?"

She nodded.

When he remained silent, Rory pleaded, "Jess…if I don't have you on my side, I don't know how I'll find the strength to tell my mom. I need to know I have your support in this. Please understand."

Jess could not speak. He wanted so badly to tell Rory he would support her and be in her corner no matter what her decision was, but all he could think about was the fact that the only person who ever really understood him might be leaving. Deep down he knew it was not her intention at all, but he couldn't help but feel like she was giving up them…on him — just like everyone else.

He gave her a hard look. "Don't worry about me. Go ahead — run off to California and break your mom's heart. Isn't that what your dad did? Send me a postcard if you can find the time." He turned back to the movie, looking away from her determinedly.

Rory's jaw dropped and her eyes filled with tears. "I should go," she whispered in a choked voice. She grabbed her coat and fled the apartment. Jess continued to stare at the TV.

Rather than face Luke, Rory took the back way out of the diner, running as fast as she could toward the gazebo. She collapsed on the bench inside and began to sob.

Jess was still staring at the TV when Luke entered the apartment a few minutes later. "Why did Rory just run out the back door?"

Jess shrugged. "Hell if I know."

Luke's jaw clenched. "Hell if I know? What is that supposed to mean? Did something happen? Geez, Jess! What's the matter with you? Do you understand how special she is? You better run after her to see if it can be fixed! "

Luke's words somehow shook Jess out of his stupor, and he realized the magnitude of the situation, and the seriousness of what he had just done. "Fuck…" he muttered, not even bothering to grab his coat as he left the apartment.

Rory sat on the bench inside the gazebo, her sobs beginning to subside. She heard someone coming up behind her. "Jess?" She sniffled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"Rory?"

"Oh, Dean. It's just you."

"Sorry to disappoint. Are you okay? Have you been crying?" He walked over and sat down beside her. "Rory?"

Her eyes filled with tears again and she tried to wipe them away before he could see.

"Hey, what's going on? Why are you so upset?"

"None of your business," Jess said angrily as he climbed up the steps.

Dean leapt off the bench and stood to his full height, practically towering over Jess. "What did you do?"

"Back off man," Jess warned, giving Dean a little nudge so he could get over to Rory. Dean gave him a small shove back. "I said back off!" Jess repeated.

"Or you'll what?" Dean challenged, his eyes blazing.

Jess scoffed. "I'm not gonna fight you in front of Rory, man. Now get out of the way."

Dean shoved him again, harder than before, and Jess stumbled back into one of the gazebo rails. Rory gasped. "Guys stop it!"

Jess recovered quickly, jumping to his feet and charging towards Dean. " I — said — back — off," Jess snarled, shoving Dean roughly between each word. "Nobody wants you here! Not me and certainly not Rory. Don't you get it man? She's _done_ with you. Get a clue!"

To Rory, it seemed to happen in slow motion: Dean's fist collided with Jess's jaw. Then everything that followed happened on fast forward. The two boys went at each other, splintering the rails of the gazebo in the process.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Rory shrieked. Jess pushed Dean as hard as he could, and the boy collided with a splintered rail, his body weight and momentum causing him to break completely through it, falling a short distance into the bushes below. Jess ran down the steps, eager to continue the brawl, when someone grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him back.

"What the hell is going on?!" Luke yelled. He spotted Rory huddled on the gazebo, her tear stained cheeks glistening in the moonlight. He let go of Jess and rushed to her, feeling frantic. "Rory, are you okay?! Are you hurt?!" She sniffled and shook her head. Luke's tone softened. "Let's get you home, okay? I'll drive you." He glared at Jess. "You had better be in the diner by the time I get back. I mean it Jess."

Once Luke made sure Rory was okay and safely settled in at home, he returned to the diner, dreading the conversation he had to have with his nephew. His dread only increased when he saw Taylor waiting on the front steps.

"Luke, there you are! We have a very serious matter to discuss!"

"Not now, Taylor," Luke tried to brush past the man, but he shuffled around to block the entrance.

"Luke, this is an urgent matter! We must deal with the repercussions of your hoodlum of a nephew destroying the gazebo tonight!"

"Taylor, that thing has been standing for a million years and has weathered many storms. I would hardly call a few broken rails 'destroyed.'"

"Well since you're so optimistic about it, I'm sure you wouldn't mind financing the repairs or handling them yourself? After all, it could be classified as criminal mischief, and I know how much you like to deal with these kinds of legal matters internally."

Luke glared at him. "You really think I'll take care of all this myself? No way, Taylor!"

Taylor clicked his tongue. "Well if that's really how you feel I suppose I'll have to involve the local authorities…."

"Taylor, this is blackmail!"

"Nonsense, Luke! I'm simply affording you the opportunity to handle this matter yourself."

Luke let out an angry breath. "Fine. We'll discuss it tomorrow."

As Taylor set off all too gleefully for his home, Luke entered the diner and locked the door behind him. When he arrived upstairs, he saw Jess sitting on the edge of his bead, head in his hands.

"I hope you're thinking about how you're gonna pay me back for repairing the gazebo," Luke growled.

Jess looked up at him. "I didn't ask you to do that, so that's on you man."

"Damn it, Jess, I'm trying to help you! That's all I've ever done is try and help you! And this is the thanks I get! When are you going to take responsibility for yourself and stop with this 'me against the world' crap, huh? I know your life has not been easy, but there are a lot of people who have done their best to make things better for you! Then you go out and get in fist fights with the bag boy and practically destroy a historical marker! And you hurt Rory, probably the best thing that's ever happened to you? That's not all on me Jess. No way!"

"I didn't ask for any of that! I didn't ask to be here! If I'm such a burden to you then fine. I'm gone!" Jess grabbed his coat and his wallet and stormed toward the door.

"Jess wait! That's not…"

Jess whipped his head around. "Don't bother. I don't need your apologies. I'll call you from my mom's," and with that, he was gone.

* * *

After Jess's departure, the next few weeks passed with few incidents while Rory anxiously awaited for her admission letters to arrive. As soon as three big envelopes were found in the mailbox, the pro/con lists began. Rory threw herself into the lists with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, but everyone's insistence that she was going to be attending Harvard, and Lorelai's growing love of Yale was nagging at her conscience, which only made her anxiety get worse.

She still had not managed to tell Lorelai about her other applications. She thought she found her chance once Lorelai opened herself up to Yale, but had decided against it to avoid throwing too much at her at once. She figured she might be able to ease her mom into the idea of going away to school, bringing it up a little at a time, but when she casually mentioned a Chilton classmate's acceptance to Duke University in North Carolina, Lorelai laughed and said, "Wow they can't get far enough away can they?"

As a result, Rory began to stalk the mail delivery. On weekdays, she would pounce on the mailbox as soon as she got home, and on weekends she would practically attack the mail carrier. Luckily, Lorelai was too swept up in dealing with the disastrous fire at the Independence, the fate of the Dragonfly, and Rory's graduation preparations to notice.

Finally, not long after her first acceptances, four more big envelopes arrived, and Rory knew her time was up. She took a deep breath and walked back into the house to face the music.

"Hey, sweets. Anything interesting?" Lorelai called to her as she entered. When Rory didn't answer, Lorelai turned toward the entryway from her place on the couch. "Hon?"

Rory slowly walked toward her mom, staring at the envelopes in her hands. Lorelai's eyes widened a fraction upon recognition.

"Uhh, Rory...did Princeton, Harvard, and Yale want you so badly they sent you another acceptance letter? Did you realize you're gonna miss mommy so much you applied for me to go with you?"

Rory still didn't say anything. She just swallowed and walked over to sit next to her mom on the couch. As she sat, she arranged the envelopes so that each unique university crest was visible. Lorelai took in the swirl of blue, grey, red, white, and gold emblazoned on the papers in front of her.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours before Lorelai spoke, "So...what is this?"

Despite having had plenty of time to come up with an explanation, Rory didn't know where to start.

"Mom…" she began, adjusting her position so she could look Lorelai directly in the eyes, "I didn't just apply to Princeton, Harvard, and Yale. I also applied to UPenn, Rice, Notre Dame, and Stanford. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it makes sense from a student's perspective — having lots of options and back ups for my back ups. And like I said at Grandma and Grandpa's, Chilton insists that we apply to multiple schools. I knew I was going to apply to the big Ivies, but I did some research on a bunch of other schools, and these had some of the highest ratings in the country. Some areas were ranked the same or higher than Harvard and Yale! And —"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Lorelai interrupted, "You're moving into a Luke Danes level rant here, babe. Take a breath." She inhaled deeply and motioned for Rory to do the same. "Now, let's start over. Tell me how you got here."

Rory slowly let out her breath. "At first, I was just researching for the fun of it. Then, like I said, I decided to apply to those other schools as backups for my backups. They really do have good programs and their campuses are gorgeous. But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered why I was so set on going to Princeton, Harvard, or Yale. I mean, I know it's all we have talked about my whole life. But why? These other schools are just as good. I mean, of course telling someone you went to Harvard or Yale carries some weight, but as far as curriculum goes, they're practically equals."

"You looked at their journalism programs? They're good?"

Rory hesitated, "That's something else. I don't know that I want to do journalism anymore. I love working on the Franklin, but that doesn't mean I have to make a career out of it. I can work on a school paper even if I'm not a journalism major."

Lorelai's head was spinning trying to absorb all this new information. "So, if not journalism, then what?"

Rory gave her a small smile. "Mom, isn't it obvious? What has always been my passion? And don't say pie!"

Lorelai chuckled softly and thought for a moment. She smiled back at Rory and said, "Literature."

Rory nodded. "Yes. I mean think about it — when people think of Rory Gilmore, they think books. English and literature have always been the subjects I enjoy the most. I have loved them with a love that was more than love."

Lorelai grabbed a pillow and put it over her face, "Ugh! Please no more Poe quotes!"

Rory laughed, "I thought you might like that."

Lorelai removed the pillow from its place and smacked Rory on the arm with it. Rory gasped and immediately retaliated.

After their impromptu pillow fight, the tension they had been feeling eased significantly.

"What are we going to do about this?" Lorelai asked.

"Well I've had a lot more time to think about this than you, so I think I know which two are my top choices. We can make more pro/con lists for those."

"Which two?" Lorelai asked, fearing her daughter's answer.

"Yale."

"Okay...and?"

"...Stanford."

Those two syllables were like a dagger to Lorelai's heart.

 _California_ …

Rory could see the sadness in her mother's eyes.

"Mom…please know this is not about you. Or getting away from you."

It amazed Lorelai how well her daughter knew the depths of her heart. Logically, she knew Rory would never run away and abandon her, but there was a very tiny piece of her still afraid it could happen. The fact that Rory understood this made her feel happy that her kid knew her so well, but guilty that her daughter was so worried about her that she was considering not pursuing a potential dream school. Lorelai couldn't allow that.

"Oh kid, I know." She sighed and gave Rory a hug. "Being apart from you will never be easy, whether it's 30 miles or 30 thousand miles. But I want you to make this decision for you and only you. Yale may be short drive, but Stanford is just a plane ride away. Plus California? Helloooo Hollywood! Mommy can finally become a movie star!"

Rory laughed, "Well, you know that Stanford is a couple hours away from Hollywood, right? You'd be better off strutting your stuff down the pier in San Francisco. It's closer."

"Ooo we can do our own _Escape from Alcatraz_!" Lorelai said excitedly. "Or maybe I will meet a beach babe and we can get engaged on the Golden Gate Bridge. How dreamy!"

The anxiety Rory had been feeling finally dissolved, and she felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. She couldn't have imagined her mother reacting so positively, especially after the incident at Thanksgiving and considering how badly Jess had taken the news.

 _Maybe that whole thing helped her to put things in perspective._ Rory shrugged it off, pleased that her mother was so supportive of whatever her choice would be.


	3. Sins of Admission

**A/N:** I know most people don't care for Nicole, but I'm going to be exploring that relationship juuuust a little bit thanks to a conversation I had with **DSLeo**. But stick with me on this, I promise you'll like the end result ;)

This chapter title is a play on words for the phrase "sins of omission."

* * *

 **Sins of Admission**

Sitting in the diner a few days later, Lorelai felt panicked. On the one hand, she knew Rory would receive an outstanding education for English and literature at Stanford, having done a little research of her own. On the other hand, could she survive her daughter living over 3,000 miles away? She knew she would be able to visit occasionally, and that Rory would come home for Christmas and during the summer. But only seeing her daughter two or three times a year for a few days or weeks at a time? The thought was almost unbearable.

"You okay?"

Lorelai's head jerked up to see Luke standing over her. "Um…yeah. Yes. Sorry just, uh, got caught up thinking about the lives of celebrities. You know how I get. Tell me—what do _you_ think about Bennifer?" She tried to smile and play it off.

"Unfortunately, I do know how you get since you're in here every damn day, which is how I know it's more than just worrying about whoever the hell Bennifer is since you've taken approximately three sips of your coffee in half an hour."

"Wow, three exact sips? Keeping count, are we? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you've been watching me."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, don't tell Ed that. I just went to give him a refill and wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea. Not like I need to keep an eye on my customers or anything, here in my place of business."

Lorelai smiled for real this time; she loved irritating Luke. "Well it'll be our little secret," she gave him a wink. "Anyhow, can I just get a new cup since this one's basically tepid? Ooo and a slice of pie?"

Luke sighed and rolled his eyes again as he walked back to the counter to retrieve her items. Despite her best efforts, he knew something was up. He suspected it had something to do with Rory's upcoming graduation, but he wasn't sure what other issues might be bubbling under the surface.

When he returned to her table, something dawned on him. "Hey, where did Rory decide to go to school? You guys were in here with those ridiculous pro/con lists for days, but I don't think I ever heard the final verdict. What did you guys decide?"

Lorelai stiffened, her coffee cup frozen in mid air between the table and her mouth. She slowly took a sip and set it back down on the table, staring at it for a moment. She figured Luke was probably looking at her like she was crazy, but when she looked up to answer him, all she saw in his eyes was concern and a little of what looked like…affection? She shook this thought away, then cleared her throat and said, "Rory has decided to go to S—"

"Luke! I have been trying to get ahold of you all afternoon!"

Luke spun around. "Nicole? What are you doing here?"

"I just told you. I've been trying to call you all afternoon! But since I was unable to reach you, I decided to come by to make sure you were alive."

Luke's initial annoyance and irritation faded when he noticed the genuine concern on her face. "I'm sorry, Nicole. I've been working non-stop since 5 AM because Cesar called in sick, so I've been running around like a crazy person trying to keep this place together until someone can come in and cover for him. You just caught me at the start of my first lull of the day. I left my phone upstairs or else I would have checked it. I didn't mean to worry you."

Nicole's face softened slightly. "I should've just called the diner. I don't know why that didn't occur to me. I'm sorry I overreacted."

Luke pulled her into a hug, and Nicole's demeanor thawed significantly. When they pulled apart, she was able to take in the scene before her, and she finally noticed Lorelai quietly eating her pie at the table next to them. Luke was unable to see the look of aggravation quickly flit across her face, but Lorelai could.

Under Nicole's intense gaze, Lorelai scarfed down the rest of her pie and gathered her things. "I'll talk to you later," she said as she rushed out of the diner. "Nice to see you, Nicole."

"You, too," Nicole replied politely.

"Lorelai, wait—" Luke called after her, but she was gone.

* * *

Lorelai tried her best to make a plan to stay busy the next few weeks so she could have a good excuse for avoiding the diner. Normally, she would recruit Rory to be her top distractor, but Rory was already occupied, trying to avoid thinking about Jess's sudden departure by throwing herself even more intensely into studying for her finals. Lorelai's other means of distraction had always been to busy herself at work, but since she was essentially jobless, she was out of options. As it were, she could only hold out for a few days.

It wasn't just that she was not looking forward to telling Luke about Rory's college decision. She also didn't want to run the risk of bumping into Nicole again. Nicole had never really done anything to offend her, but everything the woman did seemed to rub her the wrong way, and, from what Lorelai had perceived, the feeling was entirely mutual. She really had tried to be kind and polite for Luke's sake, but nothing she did seemed to make things better, as evidenced by their frosty interaction at the Poe reading.

Once Luke had informed her of his first date blunder, Nicole's treatment of her made more sense. Even though Lorelai claimed to have never seen the big "it" in Luke's eyes everyone always pestered her about, she wasn't so blind she couldn't see that he genuinely cared for her and Rory; she knew he would always be there for them to the best of his ability. He had gone above and beyond for them countless times over the years. They had their rough patches, but even after their months long separation this past summer, somehow they both found their way back to each other. Since then, Lorelai felt like their connection had grown even stronger. But she didn't want to be a sore spot or cause problems in Luke and Nicole's relationship, so she resigned herself to the fact that she couldn't lean on Luke the way she always had, which made talking with him about her life at the moment even more difficult.

As she made her way to the diner that day, she thought about how she could discuss the topic of Rory's schooling without letting Luke know how much she was hurting. She had already slipped up during their last conversation, and since he somehow possessed the ability to read her like a book, she knew she would have to plan her words very carefully and be acutely aware of her facial expressions when she delivered the news.

She plastered a smile on her face when she walked in and took a seat at the counter. Luke emerged from the kitchen shortly after she arrived wearing his usual scowl, but his expression brightened when he saw her sitting there. He moved to grab her a mug and pour her some coffee.

"Whoa, no lecture?" she teased.

"You haven't been in for a few days, so I know you must be having some withdrawals. Wouldn't want you to pass out and bust your head on the counter."

Lorelai tried not to blush. She had hoped he wouldn't really notice her absence. "Um, yeah it's just been a busy few days. You know, with Rory graduating and trying to get things sorted out with the Dragonfly..."

"How's that going?"

"How's what going?" Lorelai asked, afraid of which topic he would choose.

"The Dragonfly stuff. What all have you heard?"

"Well, Fran left it to whatever living relatives she had left. Turns out that's a nephew or grand-nephew or something in Arizona who has no interest in handling an old property in New England."

"That's good, right?"

"For the most part, yeah. There are a bunch of legal hoops everyone has to jump through before we can do anything, and we have no idea how long it could take. I've heard the word 'probate' so much it's lost all meaning to me. But once he is eligible to make the sale, we are at the top of the list."

"Well, that sounds promising. Don't worry too much about it all—everything will work out," he said, patting her arm.

Lorelai smiled at him, enjoying the warmth of his hand, but he removed it quickly to take care of some customers who had approached the register to pay. Lorelai pushed away the feeling of disappointment bubbling up inside of her.

Luke returned to his spot in front of her and refilled her half empty cup. "Never thought I would be glad to see you drinking coffee. You had me worried for a minute last time you came in. I guess whatever was bugging you worked itself out?"

Lorelai took a long sip of her drink, shaking her head noncommittally. Luke just stared at her, unsatisfied with that answer.

"What?" she asked, feigning ignorance as she set her mug back on the counter.

"You sure everything's okay? I know you're probably having a hard time with Rory graduating. I figured that was why you were acting weird last time you were here."

Lorelai stared at her mug, contemplating taking another sip _. Maybe if I take another drink, someone else will come in, and he will have to leave to serve them,_ she thought.

She knew he wouldn't continue pressing her if she didn't answer, but she also knew he would grow even more concerned if she continued dodging his questions. She felt stuck between not wanting to burden him with her problems and not wanting to tell him a lie.

She took a deep breath, then looked up at him. "You're right. It has been hard thinking about her graduation. I really can't believe she's 18 and ready to go off and conquer the world. Doesn't it seem like yesterday that she was in fairy wings, inviting you to her caterpillar's funeral?" It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either.

Luke chuckled. "I can't believe she roped me into that thing. But she gave me those sad doe eyes and I knew I was a goner."

"Well, she learned from the best," Lorelai said with a wink. Luke smiled, and the two of them sat in silence with their eyes locked one another, and Lorelai noticed the affection she had seen a few days prior. She quickly averted her gaze and took another sip of her coffee.

Luke cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So, uh, speaking of Rory's graduation, you didn't get a chance to answer my question the other day. Where did Rory decide to go to school?"

Lorelai shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to buy herself a moment to compose her thoughts. She opened her mouth to answer him just as a tourist family entered the diner. He looked at her apologetically, but she waved him off and said, "It's fine. We'll talk later. Can I get one of these to go?"

Luke handed her a to go cup and watched her leave. He frowned at her retreating back, wondering what was causing her to feel so uneasy, confused as to why she had started avoiding conversation with him. They didn't often have heart-to-hearts, but he liked to think they both knew the other would be there if either of them really needed it. He racked his brain trying to think of something he may have said to upset her, or for something she may have said in passing that was bothering her but came up with nothing. It wasn't until that evening as he closed up the diner that something occurred to him. Before Nicole had burst in a few days earlier, Lorelai had started to tell him where Rory was planning on going to school, and he now remembered that it had started with an S. Not an H for Harvard. Not a Y for Yale. Not even a P for Princeton.

 _But where else could she be going?_ he wondered. He tried to think of other places the girls had talked about. The only other place he could think of that was an Ivy League school was Columbia, which clearly did not start with S. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized he could have asked Jess if he was still there, or if he knew how to contact him without going through Liz. He made a mental note to get more solid contact information from Jess the next time they spoke, though he was unsure when that might be.

Luke made sure to call Nicole after he closed the diner that evening, something he had made a point to do since their misunderstanding a few days earlier. While Nicole was relaying the events of her day to him, he suddenly thought of something.

"Hey, you do a lot of researching type stuff, right? Or you have in the past?"

"Yes. You don't get a law degree without having a thorough knowledge of good research practices," Nicole joked.

"What's the best way to do it? Do you use a computer?"

"I use the computers we have at the office, yes. Or I use my laptop. Why? Do you need to borrow it? What are you researching?"

Luke hesitated, uncertain if telling her the truth would cause friction between them. "Um, no. I don't need to use your laptop. You must need it a lot for work, so I couldn't ask you to do that."

"Well, I'm sure there are computers at the local library if you're really interested in doing some research. If they don't have them in Stars Hollow, I know they have some in Hartford."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll go and check those out tomorrow. Thanks for the advice."

They talked for a little while longer before saying their goodbyes, and Luke was surprised Nicole did not inquire further about the nature of his research. He told himself it was better this way; he didn't want to upset her or start a fight. He promised himself if she asked about his research project again, he would be more forthcoming. After all, it was just a simple online search to figure out what college Rory had chosen to attend; he really had nothing to hide. Luke knew he could have continued to wait for Lorelai to tell him, but considering how evasive she had been the last week or so, he doubted she would divulge the information until she absolutely had to. But he couldn't wait that long; he needed to know now.


	4. A Suitable Valedictory

**A/N:** This chapter title is a song by The Scene Aesthetic

* * *

 **A Suitable Valedictory**

During the mid-morning lull the following day, Luke called to Cesar that he was going out for a bit, and headed for the library. He was not great with computers, so he asked one of the library workers to assist him with his search. He followed the woman's instructions and typed "ivy league schools" into the search bar. He frowned as he scrolled through the results and read the names of the schools he didn't know: Brown, Cornell, Dartmouth, University of Pennsylvania — none of these started with an S. His next thought was to look up universities that started with S, but he groaned when he saw the length of the list; there was no way he could work through them all and figure it out. He let out a small grunt of frustration, unsure of where to look next. He decided to go for broke and searched, "best colleges in America," and as luck would have it, the answer appeared on his screen.

"Stanford?" he whispered to himself as he scanned the page. When he saw the location of the school, his heart dropped to his stomach.

 _California_.

He suddenly felt light-headed. He quickly exited out of the browser and rushed out of the library, mumbling a thank-you to the librarian as he left. Once he was outside, he laced his hands behind his head and tried to breathe deeply.

 _California_.

The fact that he was reacting so strongly to this discovery made his heart ache for his friend. He knew Lorelai had struggled with the idea of Rory ending up just two hours away at Harvard, so he couldn't even imagine how much she was hurting having to deal with the reality of Rory being across the country for the next four years.

 _California_.

Luke started back toward the diner. How was he supposed to make it through the day with this weighing on him? He glanced at his watch, mentally calculating how long he had until the lunch rush started. Convinced that he had enough time, he walked to Doose's and grabbed a basket, throwing in every disgusting thing he knew Lorelai loved. When he exited, he noticed a BMW parked near the diner, and at the same moment, his cell phone began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Luke? Where are you? I'm meeting with Taylor today, so I said we could have lunch, remember? You didn't forget did you?" Nicole asked, her voice tinged with disappointment.

He _had_ forgotten their lunch date. He had been so wrapped up in figuring out what was going on with Lorelai and Rory the last few days many things had slipped his mind. "Uh, no. I didn't forget. I just had to run to Doose's to, uh, grab some supplies. I'm on my way back now."

"Well, I don't have too long. Hurry back!"

As he walked back to the diner, he realized his "supplies" were his bag of junk food for Lorelai. Rather than have to explain these purchases to Nicole, he snuck around to his truck and placed them in the bed.

His lunch date with Nicole was actually pleasant, which made him feel even more guilty for forgetting about it. Times like these reminded him why he had asked her out in the first place: she was smart, she was funny, and she genuinely seemed to enjoy spending time with him.

Nicole asked very little of him in their relationship, other than the occasional black tie event for her firm. There were times she pushed him outside of his comfort zone in other ways, taking him to fancy restaurants and the theatre, which he was uncomfortable with at first, but over time, he came to appreciate and enjoy these experiences. They weren't things he would want to do every day, which Nicole seemed to understand, so they made sure to counterbalance these luxurious evenings with simple nights at the movies and the diner.

But despite all of these things, he couldn't take his mind off of Lorelai throughout lunch. Though he really was enjoying his time with Nicole, he couldn't help but feel like he had better things to do. All he could think about doing was running over to his friend's house with the treats he had purchased and talking with her.

Nicole checked her watch and informed him she had to get back to work. She kissed him goodbye and thanked him for lunch. Luke let out a sigh of resignation as he watched her go, and wondered how long she would wait before confronting him about how distracted he had been lately. He wasn't intentionally trying to put their relationship on the back burner, but it was what always seemed to happen when it came to Lorelai. He knew it wasn't fair to Nicole, especially at this point in their relationship, so he made a promise to himself to work harder to put Nicole first…after he took care of the situation with Lorelai.

Once Nicole drove away, Luke returned to his truck to retrieve Lorelai's bag of goodies and walked over to her house. When he arrived, he saw that her Jeep was not parked out front. He knocked anyway, just to make sure she was gone, wondering where she would be this time of day.

 _Rory is at school, and she can't be at the Independence…_ Luke scratched his head as he walked back down her steps, trying to think where Lorelai could be. It hit him about halfway between her house and the diner. He covered the remaining distance to the diner quickly, hopping in his truck and driving out of town. _Just because she can't be at the Independence doesn't mean she isn't._

His suspicions were confirmed when he saw her Jeep in front of the Inn. He peeked inside the lobby but didn't see her. "Lorelai?" She didn't answer. He was relieved she wasn't inside; he was afraid of what could happen to her if she was alone in the somewhat unstable building.

He walked around the grounds and spotted the potting shed with its door ajar.

"Lorelai? Are you in there?" he called shortly before he reached the building. No answer. Luke looked inside the shed and saw her sitting on the floor, facing away from him, lost in thought. He approached her cautiously, debating whether or not he should touch her to get her attention. He decided against it so he didn't startle her too much. He cleared his throat loudly. Lorelai jumped a little and whipped around, surprised at her visitor.

"Luke? What are you doing here? And…what are you holding?"

Luke went and sat down beside her, offering the bag. Lorelai peered inside and gave him a small smile. "What's all this for?"

Luke wasn't sure what to say or what to do with his hands. He wanted to take her into his arms and tell her it was all going to be okay, and that he would be there with her every step of the way to provide her with whatever comfort and support she needed. But he knew that would be unwise, so he removed his cap and scratched his head to keep his hands busy. Lorelai was giving him a quizzical look.

"Luke?"

He placed the cap back on his head and stared at the ground. "I know about Rory." He glanced up at her to gauge her reaction.

Lorelai's eyes widened just a fraction. "Um, what about Rory?"

Luke could feel his frustration level already beginning to rise. Why was she refusing to be open with him about this? Why was she making him work so hard to pry this information out of her? He kept his gaze directly on her. "You know what about. I know she's going to Stanford. I know she's moving to California."

Lorelai's mouth hung open slightly. "How…how did you figure it out?"

Luke shrugged. "Yesterday, I remembered when you started to tell me about it last week. You were about to say it, but you only got to the S. So I went to the library and used a search engine to figure it out."

Lorelai was stunned. Luke remembered a tiny, almost imperceptible detail about a conversation they'd had almost a week ago? He went to the library and used a computer to put the pieces together?

"I can't believe you did all that. And I really can't believe you bought all this junk that you hate," she said quietly, looking down into the bag.

Acting on an impulse, Luke put his hand on top of hers. "I knew you would need to wallow."

Lorelai's heart was pounding in her chest; she was sure Luke could hear her heartbeat, and she thought it would be impossible for him not to feel the electricity passing between his hand and hers. They made eye contact once again and immediately jerked their hands apart. Lorelai busied herself with the contents of the Doose's bag.

"Um, Luke. Not that I have any room to be particular about this thoughtful gift but, um…why is the chocolate almost melted?"

Luke groaned. "Ah geez! I left it in the bed of my truck during lunch. I didn't even think about anything melting. I'll go buy you something better—"

"Luke, no! This is fine. I kinda like it melt-y anyway." Lorelai smiled. "But if you don't mind me asking, why would you leave a bag of sweets in your truck in the middle of May?"

Luke's hesitation gave Lorelai her answer. She busied herself with the bag again. "How are things going with you and Nicole?"

Luke visibly flinched, reminded of his earlier thoughts. "Things are fine."

"Wow 'fine,' huh? Does Shakespeare know about you? You might give him a run for his money with the love sonnets."

Luke bristled, feeling defensive. "Nicole has just been busy with work, and I've been busy with…" he trailed off.

Lorelai felt a pang of sympathy for her friend. "I'm sorry about Jess," she said softly.

He waved her off. "Nothing I can do about it now."

"Where did he end up? Did he stay with his mom in New York?"

"For now. Jess isn't exactly his mom's biggest fan, so I don't see that lasting long."

"I'm so sorry you have had to deal with that, Luke. You did the best you could; I hope you know that."

"Yeah…" Luke replied doubtfully.

Lorelai cleared her throat awkwardly. "And, um…I'm glad things are going well with Nicole. You deserve to be happy."

"Oh. Uh, thanks."

The two sat quietly while Lorelai pulled a couple of items from the bag, trying to decide what to snack on first. She examined a bag of marshmallows and popped one in her mouth.

"So, uh…how are you taking this Stanford thing?" Luke asked.

Lorelai swallowed. "I'm…" She couldn't find the words; how could she possibly explain the pain and anxiety she was feeling without having a meltdown?

She didn't realize tears had already started silently falling down her cheeks until Luke raised a hand to brush them away. "Lorelai?"

The intimacy of the gesture reminded her that this was one of the times she shouldn't be leaning on Luke or relying on him for comfort. But she had kept her feelings about Rory leaving so bottled up, she couldn't help but crumple into his arms, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

Luke stroked her hair soothingly and gently rubbed her arm. After a minute he asked, "Anything I can do?"

Lorelai sniffled. "You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, 'I wish I was married,' but lately, I mean — I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV."

"Yeah, sure."

"But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, be there to support me when my kid is not only going away to college, but away to California. I thought I had everything under control, but I don't, and everything is falling apart. Harvard was our dream forever, and we had it! It was right there, and now it's gone — she's gone. And if the inn ever gets started, I'll never have time to see my kid. Hell, forget see her, just even talk to her. I'm gonna miss her. I would've missed her no matter what, but she's going to be 3,000 miles away. I can't handle it! I don't know what to do…I don't know what to do…" Lorelai buried herself into his shoulder once more.

Luke resumed stroking her hair and rubbing her arm. "Hey…it's okay. It'll all be okay…"

 _It's not okay,_ Lorelai thought miserably, but she was still grateful for Luke's comfort and support. She tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach, and the voice in her head telling her this was not right.

 _He's just being a good friend,_ she reasoned.

 _He hid the care package from Nicole._

 _He didn't want to start a fight._

 _How would you feel if he hid things from you in a relationship?_

The thought sobered her quickly. "I need to go," Lorelai said, standing to leave. "I have to, um, get home. For a phone call. Fran's nephew and his lawyer are calling soon. Lots to discuss."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Lorelai didn't reply. She simply gave him a small wave as she walked out of the shed, leaving Luke feeling very confused about what just transpired.

* * *

The following day, Rory came into the diner. "Hey, Luke."

"Hey, Rory. You alone? You want two cups to-go?"

Rory bit her lip uncertainly. "Um, actually, I want it to stay. I was hoping I could talk with you for a minute. If you're not too busy."

Luke looked around the sparsely filled diner. "Yeah, I think I can take a minute. It's about time for the mid-morning lull. Don't be offended if I have to get up to take care of some customers, though."

Rory smiled, her eyes twinkling, "Don't worry Luke. Unlike other members of my family, I understand that this is your place of business."

Luke chuckled and leaned up against the counter casually. "What's on your mind?"

She hesitated, and suddenly Luke was filled with dread. _What if she wants to talk about Jess?_ he wondered fretfully. His mind was racing with explanations and excuses when she spoke, "You found out about Stanford."

The fear he was feeling dissipated, replaced instead by discomfort. "So, uh…I guess you talked to your mom?"

"Not exactly. But I know you guys talked, and something happened, which is why I'm here alone talking to you."

"Is she mad or something?" Luke asked worriedly. He knew Lorelai was upset; he just didn't think it was with him.

"No, nothing like that. She's…embarrassed."

"Embarrassed? About what?"

"I don't know exactly. She didn't give me any details, but whatever she said or did, she's apparently mortified by it. Would you mind…could you tell me what happened?"

"Ah geez, Rory…" Luke rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "It's not my place to say. You really should talk to your mom about this."

"Please, Luke? If something's really bothering her, I know she won't tell me the whole truth. She'll lie because she thinks I won't be able to tell. If she's upset, she won't want me to know. Please?" Rory gave him her biggest puppy dog eyes.

"Ah, geez…" he said again. He was helpless against the puppy dog eyes. "Your mom…she's pretty upset about you going to Stanford."

Rory's face fell. "Is she mad?"

"No…" Luke paused. "Rory…I mean….surely you know she's heartbroken."

Rory looked away guiltily. She sat quietly for a moment, staring down at her coffee cup the same way her mother had. When she finally looked back up at him, he could see the moisture glistening in her eyes. "Do you think I'm terrible?" she practically whispered.

Luke wanted to leap over the counter and envelop her in a hug, but he restrained himself, and simply gave her a look of understanding. "Rory, I would never think that."

She choked back a small sob and gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you."

"No thanks needed." Luke walked down the counter and grabbed a muffin from the platter. He placed it in front of her and asked, "How're _you_ doin' with this whole thing?"

"Can't you tell? I'm overjoyed," she replied sarcastically as she took a bite of her muffin. She chewed it thoughtfully, trying to find the right words. "Truthfully, part of me is really excited. But another part of me is worried that I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should've just gone to Yale and made everyone happy — lived up to the family legacy. All the Gilmore's have gone to Yale, and I know my mom would've gone had things panned out differently for her. "

Luke shrugged. "Maybe it's a good thing you're going to a different school than the rest of your family. You'll be doing your own thing, starting your own tradition. That's kind of exciting, right? Isn't that what kids do in college?"

"I'm so glad to hear you say that — it's exactly what I have been thinking. I never wanted to disappoint anyone with my choice, but that's the thing: it's my choice. I mean, you know how much I love my grandparents, but I feel like this is my chance to really do my own thing. As scary as it is to leave my home and my mom, diving into the unknown like this is kind of thrilling. Even if I fail, at least I can say I tried."

"You won't fail," Luke told her confidently. "You're a Gilmore girl."

Rory blushed. "Thanks, Luke." She drank the last of her coffee and stood up to leave, digging in her pockets for cash.

Luke waved her off. "Valedictorians are on the house."

Rory's blush deepened. She started to walk to the door, but Luke stopped her. He walked around to the front of the counter, pulled her into a tight hug and whispered, "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you for understanding," she replied softly. "I'll see you at graduation."

"The 28th at 4?"

"The 28th at 4," Rory confirmed

She exited the diner and headed home, and Luke felt a lump forming in his throat as he watched her go. The girl had grown up right before his eyes, and he couldn't help but feel a little like he was losing her, too.


	5. Full Freakin' Circle

**A/N:** I know, I know. You don't hear from me for over a week, then I post twice in 24 hours. But I couldn't help myself :) And I'm hoping actually posting will motivate me to get a move on with the other chapters. Thank you guys so much for your support!

Chapter title is a reference to a line said by Lorelai in AYITL

* * *

 **Full Freakin' Circle**

Rory's stomach was in knots the entire drive to Hartford. It was the Friday night before her graduation, which meant it was finally time for her to inform her grandparents of her college selection. Truth be told, she was a little surprised the elder Gilmore's had not pressed her more insistently about which school she had selected, especially considering the deadline to reserve her spot at Yale had passed a month earlier. But neither of them had uttered a word to her about college since the Thanksgiving debacle, and for that, she was grateful.

"Hey," Lorelai's voice came from the driver's seat, "It's gonna be okay, kid. Your grandparents love you, and they will support you no matter what."

"Who are you and what have you done with my mother?"

Lorelai smiled kindly at her daughter. "I know that sounds crazy coming from me. But you're their pride and joy; nothing you could ever do would disappoint them, other than of getting pregnant outside of wedlock before you finish school."

"Ugh, mom…" Rory groaned.

"Just be glad they haven't tried to set you up with one of the sons of the Hartford Elite. That's probably another good thing about not going to Yale: there's no way Richard or Emily can setup your social calendar or arrange marriages for you."

"Yeah, that was definitely at the top of my list," Rory joked.

"It's gonna be fine. I promise."

"I just don't want this to cause any problems. I feel like things have been so good lately."

Rory's anxiety over the situation concerned Lorelai. "Are you really worried about upsetting them? Or are you worried they will be upset with me?"

"…Both. I don't want them to think you tried to keep me from Yale or something. I doubt they have forgotten about what happened when we took that tour or what you said at Thanksgiving. They don't know about our pro/con lists or the long talks we had about it. I'm afraid they'll be upset with me and mad at you."

"Oh, kid. You worry too much; you know that? Everything will be fine. I think we can both agree that they probably won't be popping open the champagne right away, but deep down they will be happy for you. They are so proud of everything you have done, and this is no different."

"Yeah…" Rory was not convinced.

"Even if they are furious and outraged, we are leaving for Europe next Thursday. You'll only have to see them one more time after tonight; then we will be Richard and Emily free for six weeks. That will give them plenty of time to come around."

"I guess you're right."

"Uh, yeah. When are you going to learn I am always right? God willing, they'll teach you that at Stanford."

Rory laughed. Her nervousness had not gone away completely, but she felt much more relaxed.

 _Maybe it won't be so bad after all,_ she thought hopefully.

Other than Richard serving "Johnny Machete," dinner was perfectly ordinary. Everyone was pleasant, the conversation flowed easily, and the food was surprisingly tasty. Instead of making Rory feel more at ease, though, the merriment only caused the butterflies in her stomach to get worse. Lorelai successfully kept the focus on herself for a bit, chattering away about the plans she had for the Dragonfly once it had been purchased. But after a while, Richard turned his attention to Rory.

"So, Rory, what's new in your life?"

Rory froze. "Um, well, funny you should mention it. I'm sure you realize that I got my college acceptance letters awhile back. I got into Harvard, Princeton, and Yale."

"That's wonderful!" Emily exclaimed.

Rory nodded. "Yeah, it's very exciting. I, um, also applied to UPenn, Rice, Notre Dame, and Stanford, just as backups."

"Turns out, everyone wants our girl!" Lorelai added.

Rory continued, "I don't know that I would put it that way, but, yeah, I did get accepted to those schools, too."

Emily and Richard looked at one another across the table, both trying and failing to conceal their alarm. After the briefest of silences, Richard cleared his throat, "Well done, Rory."

Rory smiled at him uncomfortably. "Thank you, Grandpa. Now, I know you wanted me to go to Yale, and I very seriously considered it. But after giving it a lot of thought, I have decided I'm going to Stanford."

Silence. The room was so still Rory began to wonder if time had stopped altogether.

The intensity of the quiet made Lorelai's voice seem almost too loud when she finally spoke. "Mom, Dad, look, I know we've had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but that's behind us now. She's going to Stanford, and that's good. Really good."

"Nothing but smiles," Rory added.

"We're both very happy about it."

"Both."

"Her and me."

"She and I."

"Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the 'going to Stanford.'"

"Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be equally over the moon about the 'going to Stanford.' Go Cardinals! Or was it the Trees? I couldn't quite figure that one out based on the brochures," Rory babbled nervously.

Silence.

Rory had not expected her grandparents to be thrilled with this news, but she had expected _some_ kind of reaction. She gave her mother a panicked look, but Lorelai just gave her a small shrug.

At long last, Emily broke the silence. "That's wonderful, Rory," she repeated her earlier words crisply and without looking up from her plate.

The group continued to eat without a word.

Rory could not have been more relieved when the meal was over. As she and her mother made their way to the front door, Emily said, "Lorelai, may we speak with you for a moment?"

 _Uh oh,_ Rory thought.

"Go wait in the car, hon. I'll be out in a sec," Lorelai said, squeezing her daughter's hand in reassurance.

Once the door closed behind Rory, Emily looked sharply at Lorelai. "What kind of mother are you to allow this to happen?"

"Excuse me?" Lorelai asked incredulously.

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, I've watched you do a lot of stupid things in your life, and I have held my tongue."

Lorelai scoffed. "You've _what?"_

Emily continued as though Lorelai had not spoken at all, "But I will not stand by and let you allow that girl to ruin her life."

"I'm sorry — how exactly is going to Stanford ruining her life?"

"Surely you can't be serious, Lorelai," Richard chimed in. "Stanford? It might as well be a public school. Why on earth would Rory want to go to school in California?"

"Oh, California! Don't even get me started. Rory has no business attending school in that filthy, hippie haven," Emily said dramatically.

"What do you think is gonna happen, Mom? Do you think in all of Rory's spare time she's going to join a commune and come home for the summer saying things like, 'Yeah man, pass the peyote'?"

"Who knows what Rory would or would not do anymore! I certainly never would have thought she would even _consider_ attending a school like Stanford, but here we are! How could you let her do this?"

"What is it that's so wrong with Stanford, Mom?" Lorelai challenged. "Is it that it's not number one in the country in _every single_ area of academia? Or is it that it's so far out of your reach that you can't use your influence to manipulate things to your liking?"

"Lorelai, really!" Richard scolded.

"She's going ruin everything just like you did!" Emily spat.

"No, she's not! No, she's not! Rory is a good kid, Mom! She's not like me."

"You think nothing will change while she's across the country for the next four years? Don't be ridiculous! You're going to lose her! You're going to lose her just like I lost you!"

Lorelai shook her head. "I am not going to lose her. Do you hear me? Even if I hadn't gotten pregnant, you still would have lost me. I had nothing in this house. I had no life. I had no air. You strangled me. I do not strangle Rory. I let her make this decision on her own. I did not force her hand or try and guilt her into staying with me. I gave her room to breathe, to forge her own path, which I was never given."

"Oh, you're so perfect, and I was so horrible. I put you in good schools. I gave you the best of everything. I made sure you had the finest opportunities. And I am so tired of hearing about how you were suffocated, and I was so controlling. Well if I was so controlling why couldn't I control you running around getting pregnant and throwing your life away?"

"Emily!" Richard exclaimed.

"I don't need this. I'm leaving." Lorelai stormed toward the door.

"You most certainly are not! We are in the middle of a discussion!"

"You call this a discussion? Yelling at me and telling me I threw my life away? Open your eyes, Mom. This is a life. It has a little color in it, so it may look a little unfamiliar to you, but it's a life. My daughter was accepted to seven of the greatest universities in the _entire_ _country,_ and you're telling me what an awful mother I am? Maybe I was some horrible, uncontrollable child like you say, but Rory isn't. She's smart and careful, and I trust her. She's gonna be fine, and if you can't accept that or believe it, then I don't have to stay in this house!"

"Yes, run away! Run away to your beloved town with its carnies and misfits. Tell them how your intolerable mother yelled at you at one of the terrible dinners you're forced to attend. They can all console you and tell you what a witch I am and how perfect you are!"

Lorelai yanked the door open and slammed it shut behind her. She took a deep, steadying breath to calm her racing heart and to keep the tears that were forming at bay.

"Mom?" Rory called to her from the car.

Lorelai pulled herself together as she walked to the driver's side of the vehicle.

"Mom?" Rory repeated. "Is everything okay?"

Lorelai started the car and drove away. As much as she wished she could be honest with her daughter, she knew in this case, the truth would not only hurt Rory but would drive a wedge between her and her grandparents. Despite her own issues with Richard and Emily, Lorelai would never want to jeopardize the bond Rory had with them. Even in the early years after she had run away, she made sure her parents had some semblance of a relationship with their granddaughter.

The relationship Lorelai shared with Rory was incredibly precious and special. She liked to say she and Rory were best friends first and mother and daughter second. She knew from experience that almost no other parents had that kind of relationship with their child, so it was times like these when Lorelai had to work very hard to be the parent and just let Rory be the kid.

Rory had been a precocious child, which had led to her becoming a teenager who was wise beyond her years. Because of this, Lorelai knew Rory would realize the conversation that has just taken place was more serious than she would ever let on. Nonetheless, Lorelai felt it was her duty to shield Rory from the darkest parts of Richard and Emily.

"Mom?"

Lorelai sighed. "Everything is fine, sweets. I won't lie and say they are thrilled about your college choice, but they are just worried about you going away."

"Why couldn't they just say that to me? Why did Grandma want to talk with you alone?"

"Because they don't want you to think they don't support you," Lorelai explained, knowing there was a grain of truth in that statement. "Surprisingly enough, they stayed very quiet and didn't push you about Yale. I think in their minds, they thought it would take the pressure off of you, and help you see that Yale was the best choice."

"Well, they weren't wrong, necessarily. You know Yale was one of my top choices. It's just…" Rory trailed off.

Lorelai gave her a look of understanding. "I know, kid."

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Rory spoke again. "What did they say to you?"

"Nothing. They just wanted to know why you chose Stanford, and they asked how we had come to that decision."

"That's it?" Rory probed.

"I mean, they let me know how disappointed they were that you didn't choose Yale. But they didn't really say anything that I wasn't expecting."

"You think they're disappointed in me?"

"No, hon. Absolutely not. They're disappointed that you didn't choose Yale. I told you earlier: they could _never_ be disappointed in you. Just give them some time to process. Come Wednesday they'll be dressed in Cardinal red. You'll see."

Lorelai's words seemed to put Rory at ease for the time being, and they continued the rest of the drive with The Smiths providing the only background noise.

* * *

"Mom?" Rory asked when they arrived home. "Can I ask you a question and you promise not to get mad?"

"With a lead in like that, how could I not?"

"I just…" Rory hesitated. "Since Grandma and Grandpa are not really on board with Stanford, and with the Dragonfly getting started, and with the fire at the Inn…I was just wondering…I mean…how are we paying for my school? I know I got some financial aid scholarships, but can we afford to pay the difference?"

Lorelai had actually expected Rory to approach her about this sooner. "Oh, kid. I don't want you to worry. I've been saving for your college since you were a baby, so there's a little money. That by itself would only cover some of it, but your grandpa gave me that investment check a few weeks ago, which will be more than enough to cover the remaining balance for a while."

"But Mom, you were saving that for the Dragonfly! And you were going to use some of it to pay Grandma and Grandpa back, weren't you?"

"Well, sweets, the Dragonfly is still in limbo right now. Who knows how long it will be before it's really available to us? It could take years for all of this to get resolved, so I wouldn't feel right hanging onto this money when you need it for school. As far as your grandparents go, I'm still planning on paying them back, but in small increments, so they don't feel pushed out of our lives. Although…" Lorelai paused, trying to figure out a way to avoid saying too much about her conversation with Richard and Emily. "I mean, given their general displeasure with the Stanford thing, they are probably feeling a little excluded anyway, so I can wait a little longer to start repaying them."

Rory frowned, but Lorelai reassured her, "I promise they'll come around sweets. It was just a shock to them, and their pride is damaged, so they'll need some time to recover. I guarantee once they understand how great this is, they'll be contacting their travel agent to book a trip to California ASAP, just so they can give you information on the best Stanford and the surrounding area has to offer."

Rory knew her mother was not being completely truthful with her regarding her grandparents, but she knew better than to continue to press her with anything concerning Richard and Emily. Although she was grateful for Lorelai's protection, Rory wished her mother would let her carry some of the heavy load she was undoubtedly bearing. But that had never been the way Lorelai did things, and Rory accepted it. At this point in her life, Rory understood that the best way to help her mother was to just let things go and move on until she was told otherwise. It wasn't always the most healthy way to deal with things, but the two of them managed to make it work.

After they had changed out of their nice attire, the girls popped a movie into their aging VHS player; both relieved to have a distraction from their current life stresses.


	6. I've Got No Strings

**A/N:** Chapter title is the reverse of the S3 finale, "Those are Strings Pinocchio."

* * *

 **I've Got No Strings**

When Lorelai and Rory entered the diner a few days later with their backpacks in tow, Luke did his best to hold his tongue while he moved the heavy packs out of the way.

Lorelai watched him closely. "Look at that."

"Spry and accommodating," Rory observed.

"Hey, would you grow a mustache and follow us around Europe?"

Luke shook his head. "Sorry, got travel plans of my own."

Lorelai was surprised. Luke? Traveling? "Really?"

"Yup, I'm letting Cesar run the diner for a while so I can take Nicole on a little trip."

"A trip?" Rory repeated.

"Intimate," Lorelai said.

Luke shrugged. "I guess."

Lorelai tried to hide her disapproval, but Luke still took notice. "What?"

"A trip is a good time to get down on one knee, that's all."

"And do my ventriloquist act?"

"And propose," Lorelai said flatly.

Luke just stared at her, not saying a word. Lorelai continued talking, "You think it sounds crazy now, but after you've had dinner at some romantic spot and somebody's served you up a couple of mojitos..."

Rory nodded. "Romantic trips say commitment, my friend."

"So what's wrong with a little commitment?" Luke asked. "I'm not planning on proposing, but Nicole and I have been together a while, and I haven't been, uh, as attentive as I should have since…" he trailed off, not wanting to mention Jess's departure in front of Rory. "…just, uh, for a couple of months, so I thought an Alaskan cruise would be a nice way to make it up to her and let her know I'm really in this."

Lorelai snorted. "And you're going on this cruise, too? Really?"

Luke gave her a look of annoyance. "Yes, Lorelai. I will be going on the cruise I planned for me and my girlfriend."

"I'm sorry. It's just…an Alaskan cruise doesn't exactly scream, 'Luke' to me."

"Well, I'm open to trying something new. I didn't think I would like the Broadway thing, and I ended up enjoying that. Besides, it's not like I'm going to live on the boat, and I think it's something Nicole will enjoy."

Lorelai shrugged. "Whatever you say."

"I do. Now, what are you ordering?"

Lorelai wrinkled her nose and looked at Rory. "Are you hungry?"

Rory shook her head. "No, I'm just sore."

"Let's go home and rest, then."

"Don't leave these here!" Luke called after them.

"Store them for us! Thanks, Luke!"

"They better come back for these. I'm not a storage and delivery service," Luke grumbled to himself as he lugged the packs into the storage room.

* * *

Rory's graduation day finally arrived. Jackson and Luke "ooh-ed" and "ahh-ed" over Chilton's stunning architecture while Sookie and Lorelai found seats for them.

"Didn't you say your parents were coming? Should we save them a seat?" Sookie asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think they would miss this, but I'm pretty sure they don't particularly want to be around me right now. I'm sure they'll sneak in the back, offer their congratulations afterwards, and then give an excuse for a quick exit. There's probably a social engagement on their calendar they just cannot miss."

Sookie nodded her understanding. "I'll keep an eye out for them and let you know."

But as soon as the ceremony began, all eyes were on Rory. When it was time for her speech, Lorelai's eyes filled with tears as she listened to her daughter talk about the two worlds in which she grew up. At the mention of Richard and Emily, Lorelai subtly craned her neck to scan the crowd for her parents. She spotted them in the far back corner, and even at a distance, she could tell they were beaming with pride.

When she heard her own name, she snapped her head back around.

"My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible 18 years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her. Thank you, Mom. You are my guidepost for everything."

"Not crying," Sookie whispered in a choked voice.

"Crying a little," Lorelai replied, blown away by her daughter's thoughtful public gratitude.

Sookie struggled to hold it together. "On the verge of blubbering here…"

"Not doing too well, myself," Jackson said.

Lorelai looked down the row at Luke. "Not you, too!"

Luke sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I'm blubbering; you're all freaks!"

Lorelai smiled to herself, grateful for these people who cared so deeply for Rory and, she knew, for her, too.

* * *

At the conclusion of the ceremony, Sookie and Jackson left to set up for Rory's graduation party, while Luke and Lorelai met up with Rory just inside the entrance to Chilton.

"Mom!" Rory called as she ran over to them. Lorelai pulled her in for a tight hug. "How was my speech?"

"It made everyone cry, even stone cold Luke," Lorelai informed her.

Rory smiled at him. "Luke, you old softie."

Luke groaned. "I'm never gonna live this down…"

"Not with me in your life," Lorelai assured him.

"I'm sorry, Rory, but I have to go. I gotta check in at the diner before the party."

"Thank you for coming, Luke. I'm so glad you were here."

"Oh, sure. The building's amazing, and so are you." Luke was surprised at how emotional he felt as he wrapped Rory in a warm embrace.

"Thank you," Rory said quietly. When she pulled away, she saw Richard and Emily standing off to the side. "I'm going to go say hello to Grandma and Grandpa."

Lorelai watched Rory walk away, then turned to face Luke. "Thanks for coming, Luke. It meant a lot to her."

Luke shrugged. "It was fun."

"So if I don't see you, have fun on your cruise with Nicole," Lorelai said, trying to sound casual.

"Oh, we aren't going on a cruise now."

"What? You were really looking forward to it."

"I thought about what you said, about the cruise not being my style. I thought it would be something Nicole would like, so I was willing to try and make it work. Turns out, cruises aren't really her thing either, but she thought I was really excited about it, so she didn't say anything."

"Oh no…" Lorelai fretted.

"What?"

"It's because I teased you about the commitment thing and proposing. I ruined it."

"No, that's not it," Luke assured her.

"Please, promise me that's not it. It would break my heart."

"Lorelai, that's not it. We aren't going on the cruise, but we're still going on a vacation."

"Oh."

Luke looked at the ground and shuffled his feet nervously. "Yeah, I mean she deserves this after the last few months. So we talked about it, and we decided to take a ski trip in British Columbia for a few weeks, then spend the rest of the summer in the Pacific Northwest."

Lorelai raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Canada? Do you even have a passport?"

Luke nodded. "Applied for one when I first started planning the cruise, just to be safe. But I don't think you need one to go to Canada, anyway."

"You like her, a lot, don't you?" Lorelai asked quietly, not sure what she wanted his answer to be.

"Yeah, she's great."

"When will you be back?"

"Sometime in August."

"That's quite a trip."

"Yeah, it is."

"You think that's okay considering…I don't know…everything?" The words came out before Lorelai could stop herself.

Luke tilted his head to the side and gave her a confused look. "Everything?"

Lorelai didn't reply for a moment.

"Lorelai?" Luke prompted.

"Don't go!" she blurted.

"What?"

Lorelai looked at the crowd around her. Not wanting to draw attention to their conversation, she pulled Luke into a more private corner of the courtyard.

"I said…don't go."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because! I spent all this time thinking you were going on a short cruise only to find out you're going on a summer-long excursion."

"Why do you care how long I'm gone? You're going to be in Europe almost all summer with Rory. What difference does it make?"

"It makes a huge difference, Luke!"

"How?!" Luke was taken aback by Lorelai's strong reaction to this news.

"Because I don't want you to go."

"Why? Why don't you want me to go?"

"Because I need you. I need you here," Lorelai whispered.

"You're going to be gone! You're getting back right before I do, so you'll have to deal with Cesar's 'inferior' pancakes for five minutes, but once I get back, nothing will have changed. I'll see you every day, I'll pour your coffee, I'll serve your food. What's the big deal?"

"Everything will have changed. Don't you understand, Luke? I depend on you. Not just for the coffee or the pancakes. You're one of the most constant, stable things in my life. I need to know that you'll be here when I get back."

Luke suddenly understood her meaning. "Here for you, you mean."

"Yes," Lorelai breathed.

"So you want me to cancel my plans with my girlfriend because you 'need' me? So that I can comfort you when you're lonely? So that when Rory goes off to school, you have a shoulder to cry on? Good ole, Luke — what a pal! Always there when you need him."

"Luke, that's not —" Lorelai began, but Luke cut her off.

"I know you aren't Nicole's biggest fan, but I can't believe you would try and ruin this trip for us because you're feeling needy. Nicole doesn't deserve that, and frankly, I don't deserve it either."

Lorelai felt herself swell with indignation. "Is that really what you think about me? That I only need you when I'm feeling lonely or want a shoulder to cry on?"

Luke didn't respond, refusing to make eye contact with her. Lorelai shook her head. "Wow, Luke, that…that's not what I was trying to say at all. I'm sorry you feel like our friendship is so one-sided. I thought you knew me better than that."

Luke remained silent, feeling too stubborn and prideful to try and have a rational discussion with her.

Lorelai let out a defeated sigh. "Okay then. I guess I'll see you in a few months. Have a safe trip."

Luke's anger didn't subside as he watched her walk to her car, nor when he finally reached his own.

 _Can you believe her?_ he fumed internally. _She thinks you're just gonna sit around and wait for her while she's gallivanting around Europe? That you'll just come running like a puppy as soon as she calls? Ha!_

 _Is that really what she was saying, though?_ a voice in the back of his mind challenged him.

 _She as good as admitted it!_ he told himself.

 _Do you really think she's that selfish?_

Luke pondered this as he drove back to Stars Hollow. He pulled in behind the diner and dashed upstairs before Cesar had the chance to pester him with more questions about running the diner. He should've checked in and headed toward Rory's graduation party, but the thought of being around Lorelai at the moment made his stomach churn.

After he entered his apartment, he collapsed onto the chair near his bedroom and closed his eyes, mentally replying his conversation with Lorelai.

 _Do you really think she's that selfish?_ he asked himself again.

 _No._ That was an easy answer. Lorelai had selfish tendencies at times, but she was never malicious, and she would never intentionally hurt anyone to get what she wanted, especially not him.

Rationally, Luke knew this, but he refused to acknowledge or consider the other possibility of what she could have meant.

 _You have both felt it,_ the voice reminded him. _Things have been different lately._

 _She's just missing Rory. She's desperate for some stability and affection when everything around her is changing. Rory's leaving; I have Nicole. She's just scared of being alone._

 _So what?_ _Does that make her feelings any less real?_ the voice protested. _She_ needs _you. Give her a chance to explain herself when she gets back from Europe._

Luke shook his head. "No," he said aloud. "I'm done waiting."

He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer. He removed the top and took a long swig out of it.

 _She may need me, but I don't need her. Not anymore. I have Nicole. I'm_ happy _with Nicole_.

He knew the residents of Stars Hollow, Lorelai among them, didn't approve of his relationship. But they only saw a small piece of a larger picture. In the time since he promised to make Nicole a priority, things had drastically improved between them. He realized Nicole's insecurities about Lorelai were not totally unfounded, so he sat down and had an honest conversation with her. Yes, he'd had feelings for Lorelai in the past, but it was nothing more than a crush, and the reason he asked Nicole out to begin with was because he decided he was ready to move forward with his life. Luke assured her that Lorelai was nothing more than a very close friend, and Rory was like a daughter to him. But he also let Nicole know he would not stop interacting with Lorelai just to appease her; he would not sacrifice one relationship for the sake of another. However, he did promise to start being better about putting their relationship first; thus, the vacation idea was born.

Sitting in his chair sipping his beer, Luke knew he had been too hard on Lorelai, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize—not yet. He just needed some time and some space to get his head on straight. He wanted to focus on Nicole and their upcoming trip, a trip he was actually looking forward to. Rachel had tried several times to get him to join her during her travels, but he never would because he was too afraid of change; he did not want to rock the boat. Now, several years later, a change of scenery sounded excellent; it was just what he needed at this point in his life.

As he drifted off to sleep, he vowed to send Lorelai a postcard during his trip with some form of an apology, not realizing in his sleepy state that he would not have a way to reach her all summer.

* * *

Late that night, Rory sat on the porch and took in the scene before her. Her mother had put together blowouts before, but this one topped them all. There were card tables scattered across the lawn, each covered with plastic red table cloths covered in little graduation caps. There was a giant banner stretched across the porch, also red, with "Congrats Rory!" written in big block letters. Rory guessed the big sound system in front of the garage was courtesy of Kirk, and let out a small chuckle thinking about what her mother must have done to strong-arm him into DJ-ing that night.

It seemed like the whole town had shown up to celebrate her graduation. She spotted Babette, Morey, and Miss Patty at a table together, singing along with the music at the top of their lungs. Gypsy and Andrew were standing near the buffet table, fighting over the last of Sookie's desserts. She smiled when she saw Reverend Skinner and Rabbi Barans engaged in a friendly game of Go Fish—no gambling involved. Her smile turned to a laugh when she noticed even Bootsy and Taylor were in attendance.

She glanced over and saw Lorelai, Sookie, and Jackson giggling hysterically at the other end of the porch, and suspected their glee probably had something to do with the alcohol her mother or Miss Patty had inevitably brought out. Regardless, Rory was happy to see Lorelai having a good time. She knew her decision to go to Stanford had not been easy on her mom, but Lorelai had been nothing but supportive the last few months. Rory couldn't help but feel a little guilty that in the midst of so many life changes—the Independence fire, the Dragonfly debacle, and all the problems that came with Stanford—Lorelai had still managed to put together an incredible graduation party and plan their trip to Europe. She made a mental note to find a way to thank her mom for all that she had done.

Taking one last look around the yard, Rory slipped quietly inside, knowing her absence wouldn't be noticed by the tipsy party guests. Inside her bedroom, she began packing up some last minute items for their trip to Europe.

As she sorted her things, she thought about the kind souls just outside her window. The people who had supported her and her mom since their arrival in Stars Hollow all those years ago. The people who had watched her grow up and cheered her on from the sidelines like she was their own. The people who she knew would watch over her mother while she was away.

It then occurred to her Luke had not been in attendance that evening. He had said he would come by after checking in at the diner, but he had never showed. Furrowing her brow, she finished what she was doing and snuck out the back door. When she reached the diner, she saw that it was closed, and the windows of his apartment were dark. She tried the door anyway, in the hopes that it somehow had been left unlocked, and was disappointed to find that was not the case. But she realized it was late and, more likely than not, Luke was probably in bed.

 _The diner must have gotten busy_ , she surmised. She contemplated this on her walk home, feeling a little disheartened and confused. _He's never broken a promise to me before._

She tried to push this thought out of her head. What difference did it make? She knew Luke was busy and she knew he loved her.

 _So why wasn't he there? Why didn't he tell someone he couldn't make it?_

Rory got a sinking feeling when she remembered Lorelai's flustered state when the two of them had driven home from Chilton.

 _He and mom are fighting._ Rory felt resentment begin to bubble up inside of her. Luke had never put his relationship with Lorelai before his relationship with her. He always welcomed her into the diner and treated her with kindness, no matter what his status with Lorelai was.

 _So why is this time different?_ Rory wondered, but she knew she would likely never be told. When Lorelai and Luke fought, it was one of the few times her mother became tight lipped about her personal life.

Rory could only hope things would be back to normal by the time they returned.


	7. Intensity in Ten Cities

**A/N:** Don't get used to these quick updates, y'all; it's just a one (two) time thing ;) But you guys gave me so much great feedback after the last chapter, I just had to give you a little something else to thank you for your kindness and for sticking with this story! Y'all have made writing such a pleasure and have given me so much motivation to keep cranking out chapters...your support means a lot to me :)

I also made a small adjustment in the last chapter to one line of dialogue from Luke. I thought I had edited it in before I posted but I had not. It's nothing major, but I just wanted to bring it to everyone's attention :)

This chapter title is a song by the band Chiodos.

* * *

 **Intensity in Ten Cities**

 _Dear Luke,_

 _I'm writing you this letter because I've been struggling for a while trying to find the right words to say. Shocking, I know. Lorelai Gilmore doesn't know what to say. But after our conversation following Rory's graduation, it became abundantly clear that I have not done the best job of explaining myself or expressing my feelings. This is my attempt to rectify that, in addition to righting some other wrongs._

 _First, let me apologize for my behavior the last few months. I have been unfairly using you to release my burdens upon, sort of like an emotional punching bag for my sadness. I know friends are supposed to do that kind of thing, but I have been taking advantage of your willingness to be there for me, which is what led to my inconsiderate request after Rory's graduation._

 _That brings me to my next apology. After you told me our relationship had become a sore spot between you and Nicole, I promised myself I would work harder to make that less of an issue. But once Rory made her decision to go to Stanford, all my rational thought processes went out the window. Part of the reason I spent so much time avoiding you was because I didn't want to put you in a difficult position. I knew you were concerned about me and about Rory, I just couldn't allow myself to be honest with you because I knew I would crumble. When you showed up at the potting shed, I was at my most vulnerable. So with your offer of junk food and admission of your sleuthing, I let my emotions get the best of me._

 _I know Rory told you I was embarrassed by that breakdown, but it wasn't just that: I was ashamed. Not because I had a total meltdown in front of you, but because I felt my actions very much disrespected your relationship with Nicole, which was a complete violation of the vow I had made to myself. The worst part to me, though, was I enjoyed it. I enjoyed how safe I felt while you held and soothed me. I enjoyed having you there to help ease my sorrows. I enjoyed the feeling of electricity that passed between us, at that moment and in all the others._

 _I know you are with Nicole. I know you went on this summer vacation to prove your commitment (love?) to her. I know I have spent this entire letter thus far apologizing for interfering with your relationship. Because of those things, I know I have no right to say this, especially after all this time, but…I don't think I am wrong in saying I know you have felt that electricity, too. In all our years of knowing each other, we have had a weird magnetic connection—some might call it chemistry. And we have always cared about each other, Luke. Even when I was pestering you and calling you Duke, your devotion to Rory gave you a special place in my heart, and as you've become a bigger presence in our lives, your place in my heart has gotten bigger as well. I'm not sure you realize this (or maybe you do), but you're one of the only men who has ever cared about Rory for reasons that had nothing to do with me, and that includes her own father._

 _But I care about you not just because you love my daughter unconditionally, as if she were your own, even though you are in no way obligated to do so. It's not just because you have fed us all these years, including the times when Rory was younger and you under charged us, claiming our orders were "on special" (I know you thought I didn't notice, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that burgers couldn't possibly be a special_ that _much). It's not just because you have kept our house from falling apart, including making your maintenance part of my birthday present because you know I can't stand feeling like a charity case._

 _I care about you because you pretend to hate everything about Stars Hollow and its quirky residents, but you almost always will quietly serve and assist in the background when asked (with the exception of Taylor). I care about you because you have so faithfully honored your father and his life's work, but have still managed to forge your own path in a way that I'm sure would've made him proud. I care about you because you are so committed to your family, even though they have hurt you and let you down on more than one occasion. I care about you because you try to humbly hide your generous heart beneath a rough exterior—the surly diner owner with a heart of gold._

 _I'm in love with you, Luke. I think I probably have been for a while, but I was too stubborn and afraid to admit it. Given your reaction to what I said at Rory's graduation, I know you probably think this is just some desperate attempt to cling onto something (someone) stable during this time of crisis. Although Rory leaving is the catalyst that sparked me into action, it has not been not my primary motivator. It is simply what lifted the veil of ignorance (or denial) from my eyes._

 _I don't love you because I need you. I need you because I love you._

* * *

Lorelai absentmindedly chewed the cap of her pen as she read over the letter she had been carefully (and painfully) crafting for the last eight weeks. She had written and rewritten several drafts that had been shredded and stuffed into the bottom of waste bins all across Europe.

She had decided to write Luke a letter of apology for what happened at Rory's graduation on the plane. In Rome, she added the potting shed incident and her feelings of embarrassment and shame. In Paris, she got angry and laid into him about his insensitive treatment of her. In Berlin, she decided against writing a letter completely and angrily ripped up everything she had written. But once they arrived in Amsterdam, she began to realize her anger was a secondary emotion she was using to bury the depth of what she truly felt. So in Belgium, she started to write down all the ways in which Luke had rescued her over the years. Then during their stake out of Bono's hotel in Ireland, Lorelai realized she was in love with him. After that, the words came to her easily.

Thinking back on the emotional roller coaster she had been on the last few weeks, Lorelai felt so relieved to finally have it all on paper; however, as they got closer to home, the thought of having to actually present Luke with this letter started to make Lorelai feel frantic. What would he say? Would he ignore it as he did with her letter of apology the previous summer? Would he write her back? Would he plan some grand romantic gesture to sweep her off her feet?

Lorelai tried her best to not get her hopes up. She knew this would come as somewhat of a shock to Luke. She had been thinking and writing this letter for weeks, and he would finish reading it in just a few minutes. He would need time to process; she understood that. But deep down, she had a small flame of hope she could not extinguish.

She finished re-reading her letter for what felt like the hundredth time, then, feeling satisfied, she closed her eyes and slept for the rest of their flight.

* * *

Even though Lorelai and Rory knew they would have plenty of time between getting home from Europe and departing for Stanford, they still felt very rushed. There was a mountain of laundry to be done, supplies to be bought, and belongings to be packed and shipped.

A few weeks after they had returned home, the two of them sat on the porch and watched professional movers pack Rory's things into a large, steel unit

"Are you sure your grandparents are paying for this?" Lorelai asked Rory skeptically, eyeing the movers as they worked. "What does PODS stand for, anyway?"

"It stands for portable on-demand storage," Rory informed her. "And yes, Grandma and Grandpa told me after graduation they would pay for my stuff to be shipped. It's their graduation present to me since I don't have much use for car."

"Hey! Moving guy!" Lorelai called to one of the movers. "Do I pay with cash or a card?"

"It's already been paid for," he grunted as he hauled another box of Rory's books to the unit.

"Told you," Rory muttered.

Lorelai dramatically placed her hand over her heart. "Why are you so mean to mommy when we only have a week left of our summer?"

"Why are you bugging the moving guys instead of spending time with me?"

"Because you're the slowest packer on the planet. I've been waiting for you to finish that trunk of clothes for over an hour. I'm starving!" Lorelai whined.

"You just want to go to Luke's because you know he's back. I'm not going to mess up my refined packing system just so you can prod Luke about his vacation."

Lorelai had not told Rory about what had happened with Luke before their trip or the letter she had written. If things went well, she wanted to send Rory off to school feeling like things were taken care of at home. If things went badly, she didn't want to send Rory off to school feeling worried about things at home. In the days since their return, it had taken every ounce of self-control Lorelai possessed not to reveal this information to her daughter. Luckily, she was able to conceal her eagerness to see Luke by saying she wanted to hear all about his trip, in addition to complaining about how much she missed his coffee and pancakes.

"You've got ten minutes to finish or else I'm leaving you to fend for yourself. You should know better than to test me when coffee and burgers are at stake."

Rory rolled her eyes at her mother, but not ten minutes later, they were opening the door to the diner.

As soon as she saw him, Lorelai's insides flipped over, and she unconsciously touched the letter sitting in her bag. Was he still upset with her? Would he ignore them and send Cesar to take their order?

She smiled hesitantly. "Bonjour, Luke. Pouvez-vous attachez vos chaussures?" she called out in French.

"What?"

Rory translated for her, "She said, 'Hi, Luke. Do you know how to tie your shoes?'"

"She's right. It came in handy, let me tell you. Not one shoelace fatality on my watch!"

"Very nice. You want some coffee?"

Luke's very normal behavior caused a feeling of relief to course through her. "Yes, please!"

"We missed it so much, Luke. They make a great espresso in Italy, but it's nothing compared to your coffee," Rory gushed.

Lorelai took a long sip and added, "Yeah, I told 'em about you over there, Señor Swanky-pants."

"Can't tell you how grateful I am to have you as my press agent," Luke deadpanned.

 _Yes, things are definitely back to normal,_ Lorelai thought happily.

Rory's pager started beeping. "It's Lane. I'm going to say hi and give her the gift we got her. Order me a burger!" She took one last gulp of coffee and raced out the door.

Lorelai cleared her throat. "Um, speaking of gifts. We got you something."

"You did?" Luke asked with obvious surprise.

"Yes, we did."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Well, don't get too excited until you see it. Just know I wanted to get you the Spanish bullfighter's uniform."

Lorelai pulled two small books from out of her bag and handed them to him. "Rory found this in a used bookstore in Rome. It's a handwritten Italian cookbook full of old recipes, and since a lot of it isn't written in English, we also got you an Italian-English dictionary so you could translate. I know you probably don't cook Italian much, but I've noticed you have a couple of cookbooks in your apartment, so we thought you could add it to your collection."

Luke didn't respond. Lorelai watched him nervously as he flipped through a couple of the pages and looked over some of the recipes.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

Luke looked up from the book. "What? Oh. Yeah, this is great! I don't really get to cook Italian in the diner, but I experiment with recipes for myself all the time. I love it. Thank you."

The smile he gave her nearly knocked the breath out of her. She placed her hand around the envelope in her bag. "Actually, I have something else for you, too."

"Lorelai, you really didn't have to do that."

"No, I really did," Lorelai said. She started to pull out the envelope but stopped when the bells above the entrance jingled. A large group of summer tourists filled the nearly empty diner, and Luke gave her an apologetic look. "I'll be right back."

It took Luke a while to take the group's orders, but when he reappeared behind the counter, he placed a burger in front of her and refilled her coffee. "You know, I got you guys a little something on my trip, too."

"Luke, you didn't need to do that."

Luke scoffed. "Oh please. Like you wouldn't have pestered me for weeks if I came back empty handed."

"Well, when you're on vacation with your girlfriend, I would assume gifts for other women are prohibited."

Luke dismissed her thought with a wave of his hand. "Nah, it wasn't a big deal. Anyway, Seattle is like the coffee capital of the world or something, so I got you a couple bags of the different local blends." He pulled a bag from under the counter and slid it over to her.

Lorelai examined the various coffees. "Trying to put yourself out of business, huh? You know by giving us other brews you'll be losing your top patrons, my friend," Lorelai teased.

Luke rolled his eyes. "Knowing you, these bags will be empty before the end of the week." He bent down behind the counter again and pulled out another bag. "And, uh, I got this for Rory. Sort of as a souvenir but also as a graduation present."

Lorelai peeked inside. "Luke…" she whispered.

"You know, it's funny that you guys got me a used book since that's what I got for Rory. It's a, uh, first edition, first printing. Really rare, apparently. That's what the guy at Powell's said. That's the name of the bookstore: Powell's. I know Rory really likes that Strand place in New York, but I think she would go nuts in Powell's. They've even got a little coffee shop inside you guys would love. One of the roasts I got you is from there."

Lorelai pulled out the worn but beautiful leather bound edition of _Walden_. "Rory will love this. And I love my coffee beans. Thank you."

"Ah, it was nothing. You're welcome."

The kindness of these souvenirs made Lorelai's heart swell. She thought of the letter in her bag, but couldn't bring herself to pull it out again.

"Speaking of your trip, how was it?" Lorelai asked casually, taking a bite of her burger.

"Oh, it was great."

"What did you do?"

"Oh, you know, we fluttered around. There was this great hike we did around Mount St. Helens. We went to the Pike's Place Market and sampled a bunch of their fresh food. The lodge in Canada was gorgeous…" Luke continued talking, and Lorelai noticed the smile on his face and the wistful way he spoke about his trip, which caused a searing pain to shoot across her chest. "I also wanted to tell you —"

She stood up abruptly. "Wow, that sounds great, Luke. Can you pack up Rory's burger? I forgot we have to, um, meet up with the movers at the house. So they can get the rest of her stuff."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Luke gave her a to-go bag as she gathered her things. "Here."

"Thanks. For this and the gifts. I'm, uh, glad you had a good time. I'll see you later," Lorelai said, departing the diner as quickly as she could.

Rory was already on the couch when Lorelai got home. "Burger?"

Lorelai handed her the bag with Luke's gift. "This first."

Rory pulled out the book, and her jaw dropped. "Oh my god! Is this…?

Lorelai nodded. "A first edition of _Walden_."

"I can't believe Luke got met this! It's incredible."

"You think that's incredible, wait til you taste this burger."

Rory put the book aside, enthusiastically digging in to the to-go bag. "Isn't it great to be home?"

Lorelai replied with a noncommittal, "Mmm," unable to get Luke's joyous attitude about his trip out of her head. She again thought of the letter in her bag, and her chest began to ache, the searing pain from earlier returning once again.

* * *

 **A/N:** The last sentence of Lorelai's letter is a quote from Erich Fromm's _The Art of Loving_. It's an excellent read if any of you want to check it out.


	8. Sadnecessary

**A/N:** Chapter title is a song by Milky Chance.

* * *

 **Sadnecessary**

Lorelai was able to convince Rory to avoid the diner for a few days, under the guise of finishing up the last minute errands they needed to run before they left for California on Saturday.

"I'm so wiped. I shouldn't have taken that third Excedrin PM last night," Lorelai complained as she sat down on a bench.

"Third? Why'd you take three?" Rory asked.

"Oh, well, uh, originally I took two, then somewhere around four in the morning, I woke up and had a major Marilyn moment."

"Oh no. Well, do you want to go home and rest?"

"No way. We have a million and one things on this list, and we are going to conquer them all. What's left?"

Rory checked her list. "Okay, we got the sheets, towels, bathroom shower caddy, and the basic first aid accouterment. We still need to hit the beauty supply and the stationery store."

"Let's do beauty supply first, that way you have plenty of time to agonize over pens and paper quality at the stationery store."

"Do not mock the scientificity of my process!"

"I'm sorry, you're just so weird about the kind of pens you like. It's like ring shopping with Smeagol."

"Why don't you go to the beauty supply store and let me go to the stationery store alone? It will save time, and allows me to select my pens and paper in peace," Rory said.

"But I need to spend every waking moment with you before we are parted!"

"We'll make up for the lost time at Taylor's new store. You can wail and fret and give me somber looks over an ice cream soda."

"Sounds like a plan. Meet there in half an hour, or you're buying!"

Lorelai's mouth fell open in shock when she entered Taylor's Old Fashioned Soda Shoppe 25 minutes later. "How are you here before me?! I'm early! Did you even go to the stationery store? You can't possibly have picked out paper and pens in less than 20 minutes."

Rory shrugged. "I know what I like. Perhaps not having someone chattering and complaining in my ear like Tinkerbell every two minutes helped speed up the process?"

Lorelai muttered to herself as she took a seat across from her daughter.

"Hey, cheer up, Charlie. Since I got here early, I ordered for you," Rory said, pushing a large glass and a small bowl toward her mother. "The bowl has a single scoop of 'the darkest chocolate,' which I thought you would enjoy, then the glass is—wait for it—a coffee ice cream float."

"A coffee ice cream float?!" Lorelai repeated excitedly. She took a drink and moaned in appreciation. "What is in this delicious ambrosia?"

"It's a mix of Irish creamer, vanilla ice cream, and coffee."

"Irish cream, you say?" Lorelai asked, taking a big gulp.

"Irish _creamer_. Do you think Taylor's staff would serve liquor to a minor, or that Taylor would allow alcohol to be served here? The only reason he sells it at the market is so he doesn't lose any business to Woodbury."

Lorelai took another sip and sighed dramatically. "One can dream. Someday! Someday, maybe."

"Eat the ice cream before it melts. I want to know how the chocolate tastes."

"Then why didn't you get chocolate?" Lorelai narrowed her eyes and shielded her bowl protectively.

"I knew you would let me have a taste, and I wanted to try the Reese's."

" _Reese's?!_ Reese's flavored ice cream, the darkest chocolate, and a coffee ice cream float. This is what heaven will be like."

"Don't let Luke see you drinking coffee in here. He might think you've defected and joined the enemy," Rory teased.

Lorelai whipped around to make sure Luke hadn't spotted her.

"Relax, Mom. I'm just kidding. Besides, I made sure our table was in just the right place. We can see Luke, but he can't see us."

"That's my little valedictorian. Who needs Stanford when you've got a mind like that?"

The two Gilmore's continued watching Luke and his customers while they enjoyed their treats.

"Does something seem off to you?" Lorelai asked Rory.

"What do you mean?"

"With Luke. We've been watching him for what…ten minutes? And not once has he yelled or glared. His face is a normal color, the vein in his forehead isn't popping out. He seems…relaxed."

"And that's bad?"

Lorelai shook her head. "It's not bad; it's just…weird. He's been in a good mood since he got back from his trip. It's like going away helped him reach nirvana or something."

"Well, he was in Washington. Maybe he hit up a few of the Kurt Cobain memorials," Rory joked.

Lorelai laughed and polished off her coffee float. She knew she was being overly sensitive about Luke's change in demeanor. She should be _glad_ he was smiling instead of scowling, but something about it all made her feel uneasy.

Rory's voice jolted her from her thoughts. "Mom? If you're done, I'm going to head over to Lane's. I promised her exclusive one-on-one time until we leave."

"And stick me with the tab? So unfair. How come you get to have all the fun?"

Rory stood up to leave. "Because I have the nicest, prettiest, smartest mom in the whole world."

"Oh, you _are_ learning! I'm so proud! Tell Lane I said hi and she is welcome to come to the Crap Shack and commiserate your absence with me anytime."

Rory rolled her eyes and gave her mother a quick hug goodbye before departing.

Lorelai sat in the soda shop a for a few minutes more to observe Luke from a distance. To the untrained eye, Luke's sudden attitude shift could have been dismissed as nothing more than a simple good mood, but Lorelai knew better. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, she just knew something was amiss, and she was determined to figure out what it was.

* * *

"I can't believe you're moving to California in a few days!" Lane lamented. "First Dave, now you! I'm going to die of jealousy. Do you know how great the music scene is there? And the weather! You'll get to have a moderate winter! You won't have to trudge through the snow or freeze your butt off walking to your classes."

"But I _will_ be over 3,000 miles away from my mom and my best friend. Meanwhile, you'll be in Stars Hollow for all the festivals, and you'll get to see the progress on the Dragonfly once that gets started. You'll get to see the town grow and change…"

"I'd rather be in California."

"I'm going to miss you, too," Rory said, giving her best friend a hug. "What are the odds of Mrs. Kim letting you come for a visit?"

"You're more likely to win the lottery. Twice."

"Well if that happens, I'll pay for a private jet to bring you to visit me in my mega mansion on the beach."

"Deal," Lane said, shaking Rory's hand.

The two sat quietly for a few minutes, soaking up each other's company.

"How weird is this?" Lane asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday we're sitting on your porch playing jacks and praying to grow boobs, and now look at us. I'm in a band and going to Bible college, and you're about to go off and conquer California."

Rory smiled sadly. "Yeah. We've come a long way."

Lane noticed the look of discontent on her friend's face. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. In the past few minutes sitting here, I've managed to completely freak myself out. Since we got back from Europe I haven't really had a chance to stop and think about it, but I just stopped and thought, and I am really nervous."

"Totally understandable," Lane reassured her.

Rory shook her head. "But I'm, like, panic-attack nervous."

"Rory, everything is going to be fine. You're going to do an amazing job. You always do."

"But what if I don't? Everyone always assumes I'm going to be great at everything like it's a given. It's not a given. What if Stanford is not what I expected and I fail miserably? What if Yale was the right choice all along, but I was too lovestruck by Stanford to realize it? I'm not gonna have anyone out there; I'm gonna be alone. If I screw up, nobody can fix it for me. I'm gonna be totally on my own."

"Rory, hey," Lane rubbed Rory's back soothingly. "The reason everyone knows you're going to be great is because they know you. Of course you're feeling nervous and scared—you're moving across the country. But you made the right choice in picking Stanford. And you won't be alone forever. You're gonna find someone to share your crayons with, and you'll be best friends before you know it."

"No way. You're the only one I'll ever share crayons with," Rory said, giving Lane's hand an affectionate squeeze.

"And you're not gonna fail miserably. You're gonna make mistakes, but who doesn't? You'll learn from your mistakes and get better because that's just what you do. You'll figure it out."

"I don't know. I just don't know about just picking up and leaving until Christmas and leaving my mom. See? I'm not ready. What kind of college student freaks out about leaving their mom?"

"The lucky kind," Lane said. "How is she holding up?"

Rory shrugged. "She's fine. She's not freaked out at all. She's checking off lists and making plans for when we get there. She's not even a little bit sentimental."

"Your mom? Lorelai?"

"Yeah. She's really fine."

Lane shook her head. "I'm sure she's freaking out on the inside. Remember when you went to Washington last summer?"

"I don't know. Maybe…" Rory paused. "Lane?"

"Yeah?"

"I just… your friendship means so much to me. I'm gonna…" Rory trailed off, too choked up to finish her sentence.

Lane pulled her into a hug. "I'm gonna miss you, too. So much."

They remained locked in that embrace for a while before finally pulling apart, both of them wiping tears from their eyes.

"Okay, enough of this mushy stuff. I have a going away present for you." Lane pulled up one of her floorboards and handed Rory a package from inside. "It's all the hits that have come out of California. Not any of that Beach Boy pop nonsense, but the _real_ music. All the best songs you've never heard."

Rory opened the package and examined the track listings. "Lane, this is incredible. Thank you so much."

"I just wanted you to feel like you had a little piece of me in California with you."

Rory hugged her again. "So much for no more mushy stuff."

Lane laughed. "Well, let's stick that CD into the player and have a jam session. Mama is at a church retreat until tomorrow."

Rory placed the disc into the CD player and turned the volume up significantly louder than had ever been allowed in the Kim house.

"Let's dance!" Lane exclaimed. "How many chances will I get to say that in this house?"

The two girls danced (terribly) to all the songs on the CD, and Rory was so grateful that she was able to spend this time with her best friend. It was a bittersweet feeling, but the sweet far outweighed the bitter.

* * *

The day before they were set to leave for California, Lorelai finally returned to the diner.

"Hey!" Luke addressed her cheerfully. "Haven't seen you in a few days. Rory all set?"

He placed a mug in front of her and filled it. She took a sip before responding. "Yup. We've been packing and running around like crazy the last few days to make sure she has everything."

"Did you get it all done?"

"Well, we had to cut our Godfather marathon short, but we did it."

"I know how hard that must have been for you," Luke deadpanned. "Is Rory coming in today?"

"You think she wouldn't come say goodbye to you? She's just been spending time at Lane's for the last couple of days getting her best friend time in—she'll be here soon."

Luke smiled. "Good. Whatever you guys want, on the house."

"Wow, I feel important."

"You are important."

Luke had no way of knowing the impact of his words. Lorelai's letter was still in her bag, though she had not looked at it in days, and it suddenly felt very heavy.

"Did you guys make any plans for while you're there?"

Lorelai nodded. "Oh yeah. When Rory's not at orientations, we have a million things on our agenda, and even when she's busy, I've got my own list. It's going to be like another vacation. Oh, and we are spending my last day there visiting Mia. She just recently moved to Monterey, did you know?"

"That's great! She'll be so happy to see you. I didn't even think about her being close by."

"She was thrilled when we called, and she's ecstatic Rory will be at Stanford."

"Tell her I said hi, and that I'm sorry I haven't called…" Luke trailed off. "Actually, Lorelai there's someth—"

He was interrupted by the diner door swinging open.

"Nicole!" Luke exclaimed. "You're early." He walked over and greeted her with a kiss, grinning from ear to ear.

"I know, I know. I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. I finished up everything crucial at the office this morning, that way we can spend the rest of today and all day tomorrow moving my things."

"I hope you understand how little space is in my apartment. It's practically the size of your old bedroom. Are you sure this is what you want to do? I mean your clothes alone…" Luke teased.

Nicole swatted him playfully. "Stop it. By the way, I finally got a good storage unit to hold my furniture until we find a place."

"Until you find a place?" Lorelai repeated, finding her voice.

Luke seemed to have forgotten she was there, his eyes widening upon hearing her speak. "Nicole, why don't you, uh, pull around back and start bringing your stuff in that way?"

Nicole glanced from Luke to Lorelai, taking in the stricken look on Lorelai's face, and appeared to understand the situation. She gave Luke a peck on the cheek and returned to her car.

Luke walked over and sat down next to Lorelai.

"Lorelai…I was trying to tell you the other day, but you just ran out of here so fast I didn't get a chance. And just now…I was going to tell you."

"So…Nicole's moving in with you?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes…" He didn't make eye contact with her.

"Is there more?"

"Yes."

"What? Did you propose?"

He looked up at her, his face the picture of seriousness. "Yes."

Lorelai never thought one syllable would have the power to completely and utterly shatter her. It took everything she had to hold it together. "Oh my god," she whispered. "You proposed?"

Luke nodded. "Yes, I proposed."

"You're engaged. You and Nicole…are getting married?"

"Yes, Nicole and I are engaged."

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good."

Luke's words triggered a memory from a very similar conversation a few years prior.

 _You know you always look good._

 _Yeah?_

 _I mean you always look healthy._

 _Okay._

 _But you don't look so healthy now. Now you look…_

 _Unhealthy._

 _Yes._

 _Okay._

 _Oh, what? So I said you look good. We're not in 5th grade. 'You look good,' big deal._

Luke dropping everything to race her to the hospital.

Luke staying with her then bringing Rory home.

The blue hat she bought him as a thank you that he had worn every day since.

Lorelai felt like she might be sick. She took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just your love life paired with my jet lag is making me dizzy," she joked half-heartedly.

Luke eyed her suspiciously. "Are you sure?"

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah. Um, I should probably get home, though. Gotta finish packing up Rory's stuff."

"What about your burgers?"

"We'll just snack on what's left of our biscotti. Thanks for the coffee."

Forgetting Luke had told her she didn't need to pay, she fumbled with her bag, struggling to find her wallet. She felt her fingers brush against the letter, and she yanked her hand out of her purse like she had been scalded. Her eyes were stinging with tears. "Um, put it on my tab. Forgot to exchange all my Euros. I'll see you later. Oh, and congratulations," she offered lamely as she fled the diner.

She somehow managed to make it to her porch before she fell apart. She opened the front door, and then collapsed against it on the other side, her sobs echoing throughout her empty house.


	9. The Past in the Present

**A/N:** Thank you for your continued support! I decided to go ahead and post the next chapter so you guys don't have to deal with such a bummer cliffhanger of sourts...because I won't be posting for a little while. I'm hard at work at the next several chapters, though, so never fear. I have bits and pieces of them already finished, but there is still work to be done. I promise it won't be too terribly long before I post again, but I just wanted to let my faithful readers know I have not (and will not) abandon this story. I just need a little more time to finish up :)

Enjoy!

* * *

 **The Past in the Present**

"Can you believe we're here?" Rory asked excitedly while they waited for their luggage at baggage claim.

"Mmph," Lorelai grumbled, clutching an extra large coffee in her right hand.

"You're the one that chose the 8 AM flight. What was it you said? 'We'll have the whole day ahead of us!'"

"When has me being up before 7 AM ever ended well? How could you let me go through with it?"

"To torture you and teach you a lesson." Rory gave her mother a devilish grin.

Lorelai mumbled some curses while she took a long gulp of her coffee.

After their bags had been collected, the girls picked up their rental car and headed to the university.

"So what's the plan? How are we getting all my things into the dorms?"

"I thought we would unload these things, then make a trip to San Francisco to the storage unit to get a load of your stuff. Since we have an SUV, we will be able to fit a lot into the car so we don't have to make a bunch of trips. We also need to call Mia and see what time she wants us to come visit," Lorelai informed her.

"Okay. I have to check-in with an dorm supervisor before I move into the dorm. They have to give me some orientation materials and a schedule for the week."

"I can't believe you're getting into the whole 'new student orientation' thing. It's very school spirit-y, which is, like, the total opposite of your attitude the last four years," Lorelai pointed out, trying to sound casual.

Rory shrugged. "It's a good chance to meet people and learn about the school. It might be a nice change, getting into the spirit of things. Who knows? Maybe I will try out to be a spirit dancer or something."

"Please video tape that audition for me. Miss Patty would be so proud," Lorelai teased, but the idea of Rory being so excited and willing to change made her feel a little uneasy. Emily's words from their last dinner echoed in her head.

 _You think nothing will change while she's across the country for the next four years? Don't be ridiculous! You're going to lose her!_

Lorelai shook these thoughts away.

 _This is good. It's going to be good,_ she assured herself. _Everything is going to be great._

But deep down, she wasn't fully convinced.

* * *

When they were finally allowed to move into the dorm, they entered the room and found a bespectacled girl with chestnut colored hair already lounging on one of the beds.

"Hi!" she greeted them enthusiastically. "Are you Lorelai? I'm your room mate, Sarah Bennet. I'm so excited to finally meet you!"

Sarah's enthusiasm threw Rory for a moment, but she quickly recovered and gave her room mate a warm smile. "Hi, it's nice to meet you, too! I actually go by Rory. Lorelai is my mom," she said, gesturing to the woman next to her.

Sarah cocked her head to one side. "You're both named Lorelai?"

Lorelai laughed. "When Rory was born, my feminism really kicked in, and I thought 'men name kids after themselves all the time,' so that's what I did. There may have been a lot of Demerol involved, as well."

Sarah nodded. "Awesome. Makes sense, actually. Sorry to greet and run, but I have to head out for a while. I'm a music major, so I have to practice for ensemble auditions. I just wanted to make sure I was here when you arrived. But I'll be back this evening for the start of orientation. Do you want to go together?"

"Yeah, I would like that," Rory replied.

"Cool. I'll meet you back here at, like, a quarter to five. Have a fun afternoon!" Sarah gave them a wave as she left the room.

"A music major? Now _that_ will be interesting," Lorelai said.

"I don't think I've ever met anyone besides Lane who was a real musician."

"Morey plays shows sometimes, remember? Babette never fails to mention how much they get her 'in the mood,'" Lorelai reminded her. "Let's unpack a few things, shall we?"

Once everything was settled, Rory looked over her class schedule for the fiftieth time. "Isn't it weird that classes start in a few days, but my Intro to English 1 class still says 'TBA' for the professor? It's been like that all summer, but you would think this close to the semester they would have updated it."

"Hon, it's fine. If the class was canceled or something, I'm sure they would've let you know by now. Besides, even if you did know, why does it matter? It's not like you would know the professor anyway. What were you gonna do, find their office and try and introduce yourself with your sweetest doe eyes?"

Rory laughed. "Hey, I resent that! I can't help it if I have doe eyes!"

"Yeah, just like I can't help it if my hair flips. You forget who taught you everything you know, missy!"

The next few days were filled with orientations for Rory, while Lorelai shopped for school supplies and dorm decorations for her daughter. Of course, she made sure to pick up a few things for herself as she went along; retail therapy was one of her favorite stress relievers.

At the end of the week, the two of them made a day trip to Monterey to visit Mia. She was delighted to host her surrogate family and was beyond thrilled that Rory was attending Stanford.

"You better call me if you need anything," Mia insisted.

"Be careful what you wish for — you may end up with ten loads of laundry at your door," Lorelai warned.

"Hey! When have I ever had ten loads of laundry?"

"Oh, right—that's me."

Mia laughed. "You know you're more than welcome to come visit anytime, laundry or not."

Rory hugged her. "You know I will Mia. I'm really glad to have you so close. It will make me miss home a little less."

After a wonderful day of fun and laughter, Lorelai and Rory drove back to Stanford late that night, acutely aware of what the following day would bring. Neither one of them wanted to discuss Lorelai's impending departure, choosing instead to sit in silence, minus the sounds of the radio, and simply soak up each other's company for the entirety of the 90-minute drive.

The next afternoon, Rory and Lorelai stood inside the San Jose airport, just a few feet away from the entrance to the security checkpoint. She knew it had to happen eventually, but it felt wrong to Lorelai, having to leave her daughter behind.

"Well kid, I better get going so the TSA agents have plenty of time to grope me."

"Mom it's for everyone's safety. Lots of people get randomly selected for pat downs," Rory told her.

"Yeah, I just happen to get selected 'randomly' more often than most," Lorelai muttered. She glanced over her shoulder at the line forming in front of the checkpoint; she knew she needed to go, but she couldn't bring herself to move.

The two Gilmore's stared at their feet, unable to make eye contact with one another. Lorelai blew out a breath and swallowed the huge lump in her throat. "Rory…" she began, but she couldn't find the words. They finally looked at one another, tears forming in both of their eyes. Lorelai dropped her purse and enveloped her daughter in a firm hug.

The two remained locked in that embrace for a few minutes. When Lorelai tried to pull away, Rory protested, "Still hugging! Still hugging!" But Lorelai knew she had to go or else she never would.

"I love you, Rory," she said tearfully.

"I love you, too, Mom."

"I'll call you when I get home." Lorelai kissed the top of Rory's head, then made her way toward security. While the agents were checking her information, she turned one last time to look back at her daughter, but Rory was already gone.

* * *

A few days later, Rory nervously walked into a lecture hall, relieved to see several other anxious faces when she entered. "Intro to English 1?"

A small brown-haired girl with glasses nodded, "Yup. You're in the right place!"

Rory took a seat next to her on the front row. "Is it weird to you that there is still no professor listed for this class?"

"Yes! I've been thinking the same thing for weeks—it's been driving me nuts! My parents thought I was crazy. I'm Kayla Schultz by the way."

Rory smiled. "I'm Rory Gilmore. My mom had the same reaction. Good to know I'm not alone."

The girls chatted amicably for the few minutes before class began, casually observing the other students as they filed in. Rory started pulling out her notebook and pens, and had started to write the date when she heard the teacher enter the room. She looked up and saw his back was to her as he wrote the course number and his name on the board. She looked back down at her desk, doodling in her notebook while she waited for him to speak.

He cleared his throat, and when she looked up again, the two of them made eye contact. Her jaw dropped.

"Mr. Medina?"

He stared at her with wide-eyes. "Rory?"

It took a minute for Rory to get her bearings, and she realized her mouth was still hanging open. She shut it quickly and stared at her notebook.

Mr. Medina shook his head and cleared his throat once more. "Sorry, everyone. Let's get started. This is Intro to English 1. I'm Mr. Medina, and I will be your instructor of record. This means I am a Ph.D. teaching associate approved by the administration to teach this course. I'll be working closely with Dr. Greene throughout the quarter to make sure things run smoothly. If you have any problems or questions, you can bring them to me first, and I'll pass them on to Dr. Greene as needed."

Once introductions had been made and the syllabus had been distributed and discussed, they launched into their first lecture.

Despite the shock at the beginning of class, Rory was fully in her element. She scribbled notes furiously throughout class, totally engrossed in the content, and when the class ended, she felt like she was coming out of a haze.

She crashed back to reality when Mr. Medina approached her desk. "Rory? Is that really you?"

"Yup! It's really me. The one and only Rory Gilmore. Well, technically not the one and only since my name is really Lorelai like my mom, as you know. But yes, here I am! In the flesh. Rory Gilmore," she rambled awkwardly.

Mr. Medina laughed. "At least I know the talking thing hasn't changed. Not that I'm unhappy to see you here, but I have to be honest, I'm more than a little surprised. Shouldn't you be at Harvard?"

"Well…" she hesitated.

He held up a hand. "No, it's okay. You don't have to tell me. I'm sure this is a little weird for you, especially after…" he trailed off, but Rory nodded.

"It's no big deal; I don't mind sharing. It's just a long story. And truthfully, I'm still not completely sure about all of the details myself."

"Listen, I know this isn't really standard procedure since it's the first day of class, but do you want to come by my office? My coffee making capabilities have greatly improved since our last encounter."

Rory laughed and checked her watch. "I have a class in about twenty minutes. Would it be okay if I came by afterward? Will you still be around?"

"Yes, I will. I keep office hours from 2:00-4:00, so come by anytime around then. And if you change your mind, don't worry about it. I understand," he said kindly, and she knew he meant it. Max gave Rory directions to her next class as they exited the classroom, then they parted ways.

When her next class was over, Rory decided to explore the student union a bit, hoping to grab a cup of coffee and a snack. She found the trendy campus coffee shop, made her purchases — a triple espresso and something called a "monkey bun" — and found a bench outside to sit on and enjoy her treats. When she finished eating, she checked the time to see if she would still be able to catch Max during his office hours. She sat for a moment and debated whether or not she should meet with him. Things would definitely be a little awkward between them given his history with her mother, but Rory reminded herself that nothing could be as awkward (or painful) as having to interview him for the Franklin shortly after the engagement had ended. She also thought it might be nice to talk through everything with someone who knew her but wasn't extremely close to the situation.

Rory nodded to herself resolutely as she stood up to leave. She made sure to take in the sights of the beautiful campus while she walked to Max's office; she really felt the photos of the campus online did not do it justice. She knew the campuses at the other schools she had considered were equally lovely, but during that walk, Rory really started to feel like she had made the right choice.

When she reached Max's office door, she gave herself a quick pep talk and took a deep breath before she knocked. He called for her to enter and smiled when she walked shyly inside. "I'm glad you decided to stop by. Please take a seat anywhere."

Rory sat down in one of the cozy looking armchairs near Max's desk. He noticed the cup in her hands and chuckled, "Still wary of my brewing skills?"

Rory grimaced. "No, I'm sorry. I just desperately needed a caffeine fix when my class was over, and I wanted to explore campus a little bit, so I went to the student union."

Max laughed again and waved her off. "I'm only teasing, Rory, don't worry. But if you need a refill, I just made a new pot a few minutes ago."

She smiled. "Well I am going to be running low pretty soon, and you know how we Gilmore Girls get without our coffee."

"Do I ever."

This caused them to lapse into an uncomfortable silence, but Max broke it quickly, asking Rory about how her final weeks Chilton had gone. She filled him in on all the exciting things he had missed, and also included some snippets of her valedictory address.

"That's wonderful that you were selected as valedictorian. You really earned it, Rory. I know it probably doesn't mean much after the fact, but I knew you could do it, and I'm proud of everything you have accomplished."

Rory tinged pink and stared at the coffee cup in her hands. "Thanks, Mr. Medina."

"So why don't you tell me about how you went from being staunchly Harvard bound to a co-ed at Stanford. I always thought if you went anywhere besides Harvard it would be Yale because of your family."

Rory frowned. "That's part of the reason I decided against it. I wanted to get accepted somewhere based solely on my accomplishments, not mine and my family's. I know Yale wouldn't accept a total moron whose dad has deep pockets; I know they have standards. But just the thought of having any kind of leg up because of my family's influence was enough to ultimately turn me off of Yale in the end."

"Sounds a lot like another Gilmore girl we know," Max said. "That's another thing I was surprised by. I thought for sure you would want to stay within an easy driving distance of Lorelai."

A look of guilt flitted across Rory's face. "That was something I took into serious consideration," she said quietly, "but in the end, I decided….if not now, when?"

"I'm not sure I follow."

"When will I have a better opportunity to take a leap like this and have the chance to really be away from my mom? You know how much we care about each other, but I don't want to be getting my first job at 23 and be afraid to leave her. I knew it wouldn't be easy to be so far away from her—it _isn't_ easy, and it's only been a few days. I know this is probably even more difficult for her, but she made a lot of sacrifices so that I could have the best future possible; a better future than she had."

Max nodded his understanding and Rory continued, "I think her life turned out pretty great, but that's because she worked hard and took advantage of great opportunities when they were presented to her. Going to Yale and living close to home would have been amazing, but I don't know if it would have helped me really grow up like I need to, the way most kids do when they go to college. I need—no, I _want_ to create my own identity; one that is separate from both my grandparent's world and my mother's world. I wouldn't be able to do that so close to home. And to be honest, I think my mom needs this time to find her identity and grow up a little too." Rory gave Max a melancholy smile. "She's spent her whole life being my mom, and now she's just Lorelai. What is she supposed to do with that?"

"You are wise beyond your years, Rory. You always have been. You would have flourished no matter what school you chose. But I, for one, am thrilled you chose Stanford."

Rory's smiled brightened a little. "You know, I was just thinking the same thing while I was walking over here. The longer I am here, the better I feel about my choice. I miss my mom terribly, but I already feel in my element here. It feels good."

Max returned her smile and stood up. "Refill?"

"Yes please."

The two chatted for a little while longer about Rory's choice of major, and Max gave her some advice about courses and professors. Even though there was still a little awkwardness between them, Rory felt herself become more at ease with Max, and decided she was glad to have someone familiar around to help her navigate the unfamiliar waters of college.

* * *

 **A/N:** Just a note - I've heard some concerns about Rory and Max...y'all I PROMISE they are not going to be anything more that teacher/student. **GROSS!** This isn't PLL you guys ;) anyway, Max will just be who he has always been to Rory: a solid teacher and a big supporter of her.


	10. Silly Heart

**A/N:** HELLO READERS!

Thank you for your patience the last few months. I started an internship at the beginning of October, so I have been extremely busy and extremely tired. My muse took a break, but it's making a comeback. I'll try my best not to leave you hanging for so long between chapters this time, but no promises. Hope you enjoy :)

Chapter title is a song by the band Petal

* * *

 **Silly Heart**

Lorelai felt terrible.

She had been back from California for a week, and by her own calculations, she estimated she had gotten around 2-3 hours of sleep each night since. She thought she was best friends with coffee before, but now she _truly_ worshipped it; she knew there was no way she would be able to trudge through each day without several cups of the elixir. Luke was no help with this, though; he had become more stingy than ever about her excessive coffee consumption, only allowing her to have one large cup with her breakfast. Luckily, Sookie didn't have time to scrutinize Lorelai's coffee drinking, so she was able to get exactly what she needed during their business meetings at her best friend's house.

Her eating habits had not changed as much since half the town was watching her like a hawk to make sure she was well fed. Sookie filled her freezer with easy-bake casseroles as soon as she had gotten home from California. Babette stopped by on occasion with leftovers for her. But she didn't truly begin to make a sincere effort to feed herself until she noticed Luke trying to sneak additional fries and onion rings onto her plate—that's how she knew things were serious.

Even though she knew they all meant well, deep down Lorelai wished her beloved townsfolk would leave her alone, just this once. She knew everyone missed Rory. How could they not? But she seriously doubted any of them felt the heaviness in their chests that she did. She felt cloaked in loneliness, like a dark cloud was following her everywhere she went.

She let out a small chuckle at the thought. "I'm Eeyore," she said aloud.

The small silver lining in Lorelai's life after returning from California was the final purchase of the Dragonfly, but even that had come at a price. What remained of Lorelai's savings after paying Rory's tuition was enough for her portion of the purchase, but not enough to fully finance the project.

"What about Luke?" Sookie asked her.

"What about him?"

"He's offered to give you a loan before."

"Out of pity."

"We're pretty damn pitiable right now," Sookie pointed out.

"He's our friend."

"He's more than that, and he's a hermit, so we know he's got money. And if he didn't want to lend it to you, he would say so."

"That would be embarrassing."

"More embarrassing than having our property repossessed and Tom crying because we can't pay him?"

Lorelai sighed. "I guess not. But Luke's getting married and weddings aren't cheap. Besides, how do you think Nicole would feel about her fiancee spending tens of thousands of dollars on something that's really got nothing to do with them? It's not just Luke's money anymore; it's hers, too." She shook her head. "There just has to be something I haven't thought of. I know there is. There's something out there staring me right in the face. I just…haven't seen it."

Sookie hesitated before speaking. "You know, you might consider asking your pa—"

"No," Lorelai cut her off abruptly.

"But I don't think we have a—"

Lorelai held up a hand. "Stop."

"You can at least go and—"

"Nooope."

"Okay, can I just say one thing? If we can't ask Luke, I think it's our only option."

"Sookie, there are several chapters from a Stephen King novel I'd reenact before resorting to that option…but you're right. Just call me Pennywise, I guess."

Sookie laughed. "That's funny. Pennywise. Cause it's about money. Get it? _Penny_ wise?"

Lorelai patted her friend on the back. "Oh, I got it."

* * *

Lorelai drove to her parent's house the next afternoon, trying to think of a way to both make amends and ask this favor. She had not forgotten how small and anxious she had felt when she stood in the same spot four years ago, asking for help with Rory's Chilton tuition. The feeling returned in full force when her mother answered the door.

"Lorelai? What are you doing here? Were we expecting you?"

"Hi, Mom. Nice to see you, too. Can I come in?"

"Certainly," Emily said as she ushered her daughter inside.

"Is Dad around?"

"He is working in his study, but I'm sure he can take a break if you need."

"Yeah, that would be great."

"Would you like Christine to make you some coffee?"

"Um, sure. Thanks," Lorelai said uncertainly. Her mother's behavior made her feel confused. She had expected a stiff reception and brusque words, but other than the surprised greeting, her mother's demeanor was almost…friendly?

Christine followed Emily out of the kitchen and presented each of them with a small cup of coffee.

Nobody spoke, choosing instead to take a few sips of their beverages.

Emily broke the silence. "So, what can we do for you, Lorelai? I assume this is not a social visit."

Lorelai held back the retort sitting on the tip of her tongue. "Actually, I came to apologize for what happened before Rory's graduation. Things got really out of hand and I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I realize it wasn't fair for us to wait so long to tell you about Stanford. We should have kept you in the loop because this affects you almost as much as it does me."

Emily and Richard were speechless, obviously not expecting an apology. Richard cleared his throat. "Well thank you, Lorelai. That's very thoughtful of you. Your apology is accepted, and I hope you can forgive us, as well."

Emily did not speak.

"Mom?"

Emily let out a small sniffle, dabbing delicately at her eyes. "I am terribly sorry for the things I said to you that night. I can't imagine what Rory thinks of us."

"Don't worry about Rory. You felt blindsided and betrayed and I can understand that. That's how I felt at first, too. There are a lot of things the three of us still need to work through, but I just hope…" Lorelai paused, trying to keep her composure. "I hope now we can move past this and be there for each other while Rory is gone. Everyone misses Rory, but nobody misses her like I do—like I know the two of you do."

"Of course. Of course we can," Emily said softly.

The three Gilmore's took a moment to collect themselves, and Lorelai tried to think of a way to bring up her next topic. "Um, not to ruin the moment, but there's something else."

Richard gave her a knowing look. "You need money."

 _How do they always know?_ Lorelai wondered. She nodded. "Yes. It's for the Inn. For the Dragonfly."

"So you were able to purchase it?" Emily asked.

"Yes. Just yesterday."

"But…?" Richard prompted.

Lorelai sighed. "After paying Rory's tuition, I only have enough money to cover my part of the purchase and a small portion of the construction. But it's not enough for completion, especially if we want to open this summer."

Richard nodded. "I'll get the checkbook."

"Wait," Emily said as he stood. "If we are to give you this loan, Friday night dinners will resume."

Lorelai smiled. "Mom, I assumed as much when I said we should be there for each other now."

"Oh," Emily replied with a small smile. "Alright then."

After Richard returned with the check, the three of them remained in the living room, drinking their coffee while Lorelai told her parents all about Stanford and the adventures she and Rory had in California.

 _This is nice_ , she thought. _Who would've guessed?_

* * *

Lorelai entered Luke's early that evening feeling better than she had in weeks. But all her energy was quickly zapped away when she spotted Nicole with look-books and magazines strewn across three tables.

 _Wedding planning._ Lorelai swallowed, pushing down the bile that had started to rise in her throat at the thought.

Lorelai had not seen much of Nicole in the last week, and Luke had been careful not to bring her up, so Lorelai could only assume she had been working and was now spending her first day off making wedding plans.

Lorelai wanted to be happy for Luke. He was one of her best friends, and he was on his way to having the total package. He seemed happier than she had ever seen him, but she still just couldn't bring herself to celebrate his engagement. She did her best to fake her way through the very little she discussed the matter, otherwise choosing to say nothing or spend time away from the diner. She knew it seemed silly, but she couldn't help it: she was still in love with him. Even though everything in Luke's life had changed since she had written her letter, nothing had changed in hers. She had hoped knowing he was someone's fiancé would provide her with the motivation she needed to move on, but all it really did was bruise her heart a little more every day.

Lorelai also realized she had lost her closest confidante. After the potting shed and the letter, she knew she couldn't allow herself to be truly open or vulnerable with Luke until she was able to get a grip on her feelings. But she so badly wanted to tell him all about California. About Mia. About the Inn. About her parents. She would provide small bits of information when asked, but she had begun to build a wall between them, and she knew it might never come down. Even though it was extremely painful and emotionally exhausting, it was necessary. She needed time and space to heal.

Lucky for her (or not), Luke was pretty well occupied with wedding plans. She assumed he would probably be more of a "hands-off" type of guy when it came to his wedding, but Luke seemed eager to be involved. He wasn't much help when it came to bridesmaid's dresses, flower arrangements, or color schemes, but he had plenty of thoughts on food, music, venues, and even Nicole's dress.

"That one's nice," he told her, pointing to a dress in the top right corner of one of her magazines.

His fiancée smiled up at him. "You really think so?"

He kissed the top of her head and moved to refill people's coffee.

Lorelai tried to ignore the searing pain in her chest and the sick feeling in her stomach, but she could not push them away. She dropped a few bills on the counter to pay for her barely-eaten dinner and stood to leave.

"Everything okay?"

Lorelai's head snapped up at the sound of Luke's voice. "W-what?"

"You didn't touch your food. Usually, I'm afraid I'll have to give you the Heimlich cause you inhale everything so fast. The only times I've seen you not eat is after a fight with someone or in an emergency."

His tone was casual, but Lorelai saw the concern in his eyes, which only made the feelings swirling within her grow stronger.

"Um…" she began, trying to come up with a believable excuse, "I…I just got back from seeing my parents."

"Ah. Gotcha," Luke replied, nodding his understanding. He didn't press her further. "Do you want me to box this up for you?"

Lorelai shook her head. "It's okay. I think I'll just, um, head home and go to bed early." She gave him the smallest of smiles and left quickly.

* * *

When she arrived at the Crap Shack, she had a message on her machine.

 _Hi, Mom,_ Rory's voiced echoed through the empty house. _I was just calling to check-in…see how things were going. Grandma called me today and said you guys had a talk. She sounded happy. Is that feeling mutual? I'm assuming everything is at least less frosty than when I left since she asked me when she and Grandpa could come and visit. Looks like you were right after all. See, I am learning things at Stanford! Aren't you proud, Mommy? Anyway, now I'm officially rambling on your machine. Call me when you can. Love you! Bye!_

Lorelai smiled at the message, pleased to hear the happiness in her daughter's voice. She was glad Emily had not only spoken with Rory but had offered to visit.

 _Things are looking up_ , she thought contentedly, her mood drastically improved since leaving the diner.

Lorelai decided to harness her new energy into a movie night for herself. She consumed her usual sustenance and was halfway through her second film when something occurred to her.

 _She didn't say she missed you,_ a voice in her head told her.

Lorelai tried to shake this off. _It's nothing. She was just in a hurry to stop talking to the machine._

 _She had time to say, "Love you! Bye!" but didn't have time to throw in a, "miss you"?_ The voice was relentless.

 _She doesn't have to say it every time we speak,_ Lorelai told herself reassuringly.

 _But—_

"Nope!" Lorelai interrupted her own thought. She got up off the couch and looked around the house for a distraction. "I need to get out of here."

She quickly threw on a jacket and boots and exited the house.

She walked around the town, taking in the sights as if she hadn't lived there for over a decade. The familiarity of it all helped her to relax. Lost in thought, she somehow found herself stopped outside the diner.

 _How do I always end up here?_ she asked herself. But really, deep down, she knew.

The diner was empty, save for Luke at his usual spot, wiping down the counter. Lorelai glanced around the block, looking for Nicole's car. Relieved that it was nowhere to be seen, she entered the building.

Luke looked up. He smiled. "Hey. I thought you were going to bed early?"

Lorelai sat down at her stool in front of the counter. "Changed my mind. Got any coffee left?"

Luke gave her a look of disapproval, but still pulled a mug from under the counter and poured the liquid into it. "So I guess you're feeling better?"

Lorelai took a sip of her drink and thought about how to answer. "I had a message from Rory when I got home."

"And that's…good? Bad?" Luke asked uncertainly.

"You want the truth?"

Luke nodded.

"A little of both. When I first heard her message, I was thrilled. We've both been so busy lately that we haven't had a lot of time to talk, so it was nice to just hear her voice."

"So she's doin' okay?"

"Yeah," Lorelai replied, "she's great."

Luke raised his eyebrows. "Ah. That's what's buggin' you."

"What? No. Of course not. I'm happy she's happy."

Luke looked at her knowingly. "Yeah. But she's happy 2,000 miles away."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious. What's your point?"

"My point," he said as he grabbed a donut and placed it on a napkin in front of her, "is that no matter how happy you are that she is happy, part of you wishes she wasn't."

Lorelai gaped at him. "What?"

Luke shrugged. "Look, everyone knows you guys are freakishly linked…like _freakishly_. And having Rory gone to college and having a good time without you is hard, especially when you're not having a good time without her."

Lorelai was stunned. "Okay, Dr. Freud. Got any more insights into my psyche?"

Luke laughed. "I just know you. Have I mentioned before how you're in here every damn day?"

Lorelai felt herself smiling. "You might have mentioned it once or twice."

"Not as much lately, though," Luke pointed out.

Lorelai blushed. "I'm sorry."

Luke waved her off. "Don't worry about it. My coffee sales have just taken a hit the last few weeks, so your absence has definitely been noticed."

The two sat in a comfortable silence while Luke finished up his nightly routine and Lorelai drank her coffee.

Luke plopped down in the seat next to her when he was done. "Not to be mushy or anything, but I've kinda missed seein' you, so I'm glad you came in tonight."

Lorelai's heart skipped a beat. "Uh, cha. Of course you did," she said playfully.

"What have you been up to? How are things with the Dragonfly?"

"They're really great. We've finally fully financed the project, so we can really get things moving now. We should be open for the summer."

"That's incredible! Congratulations," Luke squeezed her arm warmly. "But I thought you had already sorted out the financial situation?"

"Oh! Um…" Lorelai suddenly felt flustered. "Well, there were some additional expenses, which isn't unusual. We just needed a little more to ensure a summer opening date. And to make sure we have a cushion in case anything happens. You know how it is."

"Yeah, I do…" Luke gave her a perplexed look. "So that's why I'm wondering…I mean it's really not my business but…how did you…I mean, where did you…"

"Are you trying to ask me about where the money came from, Luke?"

His cheeks tinged pink. "It's none of my business. I shouldn't have asked. I just…"

"What, Luke?"

"I don't want you to be in a bad position."

Lorelai felt a twinge of annoyance. "A bad position? Do you think I sold myself to a pimp or something?"

Luke scoffed. "No, of course not. I mean in a bad position with a bank or something for a loan. With a terrible interest rate or an unreasonable monthly payment."

Lorelai shook her head. "Do you think I'm incapable of handling my finances? That I'm a total idiot when it comes to matters of money?"

"No! I just know you would do anything to make the inn work. Well, not _anything_ but…"

Lorelai held up a hand. "Stop. I get it." She paused, wondering whether or not she should tell him the truth. She took a deep breath.

"I asked my parents for a loan."

Luke's eyes widened. "You what?"

"I went to my parents, just like I did with Chilton. We worked it out."

"Willingly?" he asked incredulously.

She nodded. "Yeah. It was my idea. We talked, we worked things out, they opened the checkbook. Bada-bing, bada-boom."

Luke didn't respond for a moment. "Why didn't you…I mean, I'm glad things worked out with your folks, but…Lorelai…why didn't you come to me?"

Lorelai didn't know what to say. "I, uh…" she looked away.

Luke took one of her hands in his and squeezed it reassuringly. "Hey," he said softly, moving to catch her eye. She looked up at him, staring straight into his deep blue eyes. "You can always come to me. No matter what. You know I'm here for you."

She swallowed and nodded, unable to speak. She realized how close their faces were, and she had a brief flashback to the night they painted the diner.

"Lorelai…" he whispered. He shifted his body closer to her, and instinctively, she leaned into him. She could feel his breath on her face.

 _So close…_ she thought. _Close enough to—_

She jerked away from him suddenly.

"I have to go. I have to leave," she said breathlessly, sprinting out of the diner.

Luke remained glued to the stool, unsure what had just transpired.


	11. Breakaway

**Breakaway**

"Have you signed up for any clubs yet?" Kayla asked Rory and Sarah as they strolled through campus together. "Or decided if you're going to pledge anything in the spring?"

Sarah nodded enthusiastically. "I'm joining Sigma Alpha Iota. It's an international music fraternity for women."

Rory and Kayla looked at her quizzically. "Fraternity? Don't you mean sorority?"

Sarah shook her head. "No, it's fraternity. But it's a long explanation, so just take my word for it."

Her friends shrugged. "Okay."

"What about you, Rory?" Sarah inquired.

"I don't know if Greek Life is my thing," she replied uncertainly. "But there is a creative writing club in the English department that I'm really looking forward to joining.

"Me, too!" Kayla replied. "I've heard the upperclassmen can be ruthless, but that it's a great experience if you want to improve your writing and make good future connections."

"I don't want to be the only one going Greek," Sarah whined. "SAI isn't your typical Greek organization, but it still has a pledging period and all that. I'm sure there's a group whose focus is something you guys would be interested in."

"I'm not opposed to it. I'm willing to keep an open mind," Rory told her. "Ask me again in the spring. Pledging doesn't start until then anyway. Why don't you join us for creative writing club?"

Sarah laughed. "Yeah, right. I'm the least creative writer on the planet. Besides, I need to use my spare time practicing, unless you want me to start playing in the room."

"I mean, not that you aren't a great musician but…no, thanks," Rory said.

"But if you don't join, that means you'll have to read all our writing and give us feedback," Kayla informed Sarah. "Think you can handle it?"

"Psht. All musicians do is give each other feedback. I've been doing it so long that I've figured out how to craft a response that is concise, honest, and helpful without anyone knowing I've even criticized them."

"We'll see about that. We have to bring in some writing for the first meeting, so you'll be put to the test very soon," said Rory.

The three girls continued to chat as they made their way to the student union for a mid-morning coffee before their next class.

"So how do you know Mr. Medina?" Kayla asked after her first sip of coffee. "I meant to ask you ages ago but kept forgetting."

Sarah gave them a puzzled look. "Who is Mr. Medina?"

"He's our Intro to English 1 teacher," Rory explained. "We're in section 1 and you're in section 3 with Dr. Schmidt."

Sarah nodded her understanding. "So you knew him before you got here?"

Rory nodded back. "Yeah. He was my English teacher for a little while in high school. Then he came out here to be a guest lecturer for one semester, and I guess he decided to get his Ph.D. and become a teaching fellow so he could stay. I remember he really loved it here."

"Is that why you applied?" asked Kayla.

Rory shook her head. "I actually forgot he even taught here. And I had no idea he was still around until the first day of class. Didn't you notice my jaw on the floor when he was about to address the class?"

Kayla chuckled. "Very true. It was like something out of a cartoon. You should've seen it, Sarah."

Sarah swallowed the banana bread she had been chewing. "So what was it like to see him again?"

"It was…" Rory thought about how to answer. She knew Sarah and Kayla were her friends, but she was unsure how much information about her history with Max she should share with them. It wasn't really her story to tell, but it was still part of her story. "It was weird."

"Weird?" her friends questioned in unison.

Rory took a deep breath. "He was engaged to my mom for a little while. I thought he was going to be my stepdad. But it ended up not working out. That's part of the reason he came to Stanford in the first place."

"What?!" the two girls exclaimed.

Rory sighed. "Yeah, it's complicated."

"I'll say," Sarah commented.

Kayla agreed. "So are things awkward between you?"

"No. I mean, a little, but we both know it was for the best. Plus he and I had a relationship first, before him and my mom. We have always gotten along, and he has always been supportive of me."

"I'm going to watch you guys like a hawk in class today," Kayla said.

Rory groaned. "Ugh, please don't make a thing of it. I want as few people as possible to be aware of the fact that I already know Mr. Medina."

"Did you say you know Mr. Medina?" a voice behind her asked.

 _Great,_ Rory thought. _Just what I need; more inquiring minds._

She turned to see who had spoken. A boy wearing a knit hat was sitting a few feet away from them.

He had a few blonde curls sticking out from under his beanie. When they made eye contact, Rory could see that his eyes were a stunning hazel, even at a distance. He had several novels open in front of him, with papers and pens scattered elsewhere on the table.

Kayla narrowed her eyes at him. "Eavesdrop much?"

"Hard not to when you're all sitting five feet away and conversing so loudly I can't focus."

"Oh please," Sarah said with annoyance. "Conversation is part of the coffee shop milieu. If you really wanted to focus you would be in the library, not the union coffee shop, asshole."

The boy ignored Kayla's comment and redirected his attention to Rory. "So? Do you know Mr. Medina?"

Rory blushed slightly. "Yeah. He was my English teacher for a little while in high school," she repeated.

"Maybe if you had eavesdropped a little closer you would have heard that already," Kayla remarked sarcastically.

He ignored her again. "So you're teacher's pet already?"

Rory's cheeks flushed deeper red, but this time it was from anger. "No, I'm not. In fact, I have only had one interaction with Max outside of class since the semester started."

The boy smirked at her. "Max, huh? You really _do_ know him."

"Fuck off, dude. We don't even know you," Sarah spat at him.

He held up his hands defensively. "Whoa, dude. Chill. I was just trying to figure out your girl's dynamic with Stanford's most eligible professor."

Rory was furious. "It's nothing like that. How dare you make that kind of statement! You don't know anything about me or Mr. Medina for that matter. Who are you to disrespect a professor like that?"

The boy gave her what she could only assume was supposed to be a "charming" smile. "Levi Hollis. Pleased to meet you."

Rory gave him a cold glare. "I can assure you that that feeling is not mutual."

"Your loss," he replied confidently.

"Come on, guys. We need to get to class anyway," Kayla said, standing to leave.

Levi watched Rory as she gathered her things. "See you around…I don't think I caught your name."

She glared at him again. "That's because I didn't give it to you. Have a nice day," and with that, she and her friends exited the coffee shop.

* * *

"Can you believe that guy?" Kayla asked her after class.

Rory was glad her friend was still thinking about their interaction with Levi because she was still seething over it as well. Who was this guy?

She shook her head. "He was awful. But thankfully, we go to a big school so odds are we will never run into him again."

"Thank god," Kayla grumbled. "I don't think I could stop myself from smacking him in his smug face if I saw him again."

Rory snickered at the image. "Please make sure I'm there if that ever happens."

"Deal," Kayla said, shaking Rory's hand.

"So what did you deduce from class today, Dr. Watson?" Rory teased.

Kayla adopted a fake British accent. "Well, my dear Sherlock, it appears that you and Mr. Medina do indeed have a stronger rapport than the other students, but nothing out of the ordinary. If I didn't know you I don't think I would even notice. Right-o, old chap. Pip-pip! Cheerio!"

Kayla's impression made Rory laugh. "Too right, Dr. Watson. Thank you for your analysis."

Kayla took a bow. "Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week."

"Moving on to another English-related topic…what time is the first creative writing club meeting?" Rory asked.

"Thursday at 5:00 in the English 1 lecture hall."

"Great, so I've got two days to write and edit something decent."

"Just take something you've already written and let Sarah and I tweak it. Don't lose your mind trying to have something perfect for the first meeting. The whole point of the club is to help us hone our skills."

"I know…I just don't want to look like a stupid freshman," Rory told her friend as they entered her dorm room.

"Don't we all," Kayla replied. "But there's nothing wrong with needing a little polishing. Everyone was a beginner once."

"Except Mozart," Sarah chimed in from her place at her desk.

Kayla rolled her eyes. "Nobody gets your nerdy musical references, Sarah," she teased.

Sarah stuck her nose up in the air with mock superiority. "Only the most sophisticated of people will truly understand. When I win a Grammy someday, see if you are in my 'thank-you' speech."

All three girls laughed before launching into a discussion about their evening plans.

* * *

On Thursday evening, Rory and Kayla made their way to the creative writing club meeting.

"What did decide to write about?" Kayla asked her. "I know you were choosing between doing a short story or some creative non-fiction."

"I chose the creative non-fiction. The one about me and my mom."

"That's great! I loved that one. I mean, the short story was good, too, but the authenticity of the narrative in non-fiction piece was really moving."

Rory blushed slightly. "Thanks. What did you decide to go with?"

Kayla grimaced. "Ugh, just a few excerpts from my poetry collection. It's so pretentious and silly, but I wasn't in the mood to write anything else, and my old stories are just so…blah."

"They were not!" Rory assured her friend.

Kayla smiled. "You're too kind, Rory Gilmore."

The meeting room already had several students in it by the time they arrived, and a few more people trickled in before the meeting started. At three minutes past five, one of the students stood up and walked to the front of the room.

"Hello everyone," the girl addressed the crowd, "I'm Katie Daniels, vice-president of the creative writing club. Sorry for the short delay, but our president seems to be running late, which is something you'll get used to if you stick around the club long enough. Anyway, until he gets here, I'll answer whatever questions you guys have."

Half the hands in the room shot into the air. It took about 15 minutes for everyone's questions to get answered. Katie was in the middle of wrapping up the last question when the door at the back of the classroom opened."

"Better late than never. Everyone, this is our president."

Someone walked to the front of the room, and Rory had to muster up all the strength she had to stop herself from audibly gasping.

The boy gave everyone in the room a vainglorious smile. "What's up, guys? My name is Levi Hollis. I'm a junior creative writing major, and, like Katie said, the president of the creative writing club. It sounds like she's answered most of your questions, so let's get down to business."

He explained the purpose of the club and the kinds of activities they got involved in on campus and in the community. People asked more questions. The members gave more answers. Levi and Katie talked some more. More questions. More answers.

But Rory barely heard any of it. Kayla had to give her a nudge when everyone started passing their writing forward.

"I'm looking forward to reading all of these. Typically, the club officers will pass the pieces around to one another and make the first set of edits, and cross out any personal information after we make a note of who wrote what. Then we randomly distribute the pieces to the members of the club for another round of edits. Once those are done, we return the work to the original owner. But since this is the first meeting, only the officers will be making edits this time. Alright? Great. See everyone next week. Same bat time, same bat channel."

Rory wanted to laugh at his pop culture reference, but didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

She returned to her dorm in a daze. Levi Hollis was the president of the creative writing club.

Levi. Hollis.

She couldn't imagine a worse scenario. Maybe if he had turned out to be a professor instead of a student…Rory shuddered at the thought.

 _Yeah, it could definitely be worse_.

She sat down at her desk and checked her email. She smiled when she saw a message from pgeller85 at a Yale email address.

 _Hello Rory,_

 _I hope Stanford has been treating you well. As you can see, I am attending Yale. When I arrived, one of my roommate's doors was labeled with the initials "R.G." which, for a moment, made me think you had changed your mind about your college choice. Obviously, this was not the case; R.G. is a girl named Rianne (pronounced like "Ryan") Gellar. What kind of a name is that? I mean, "Rianne"? What were her parents thinking? I suppose I should pity her and take the name issue up with them. Then there's the last name: Gell_ _ **A**_ _r. Can you believe that? One vowel difference between our names. Realistically, knowing my father, we could be half-sisters and he just changed the spelling of her name to throw everyone off the scent._

 _Anyway, how has your semester been? Is Stanford as excellent as you thought it would be? How is your roommate? Mine are a nightmare, not including Rianne's terrible name. One is a child (only 16) and the other is a sports and workout fanatic. It will be a miracle if I make it through the year without strangling someone. Luckily, I have Terrence here with me — he's my life coach. He helps me find my center and inner peace. Hopefully, he can assist me in reaching nirvana so I have enough positive energy to get me through the rest of the semester._

 _Get back to me when you can._

— _Paris_

Reading Paris's email improved Rory's mood immensely. The mental image of Paris interacting with her unique roommates made her laugh out loud. She hit reply and began to write.

 _Hi Paris,_

 _Wow, Yale? That's great! I'm really happy for you. What are the odds that your roommate and I would have the same initials? Actually, don't answer that; I'm sure you know the exact statistics._

 _Stanford is great! But you'll never guess who teaches here: Mr. Medina! Did you remember that he was a guest lecturer here for a little while during high school? I totally forgot. Needless to say, when I saw him on the first day of class, I was completely shocked. Do you know what the odds are for that? :)_

 _My roommate is great. Her name is Sarah Bennet and she is a music major. I know you are rolling your eyes, but she is actually very talented — seriously! She definitely has a real future as a performing artist. Maybe someday you can come visit and we can go to one of her performances. She is a lot of fun and swears like a sailor, which provides us all with some colorful conversation. I also met a girl named Kayla Schultz in my Into to English 1 class, and I think you would really like her. She's an English major, too, but, if you can believe it, she's even more nerdy about literature than me. She might give you a run for your money._

 _It sounds like things are going well for you. I hope Terrence can be of services to you the rest of the semester._

 _It was good to hear from you, Paris. Don't be a stranger — write me anytime._

— _Rory_

She had just hit send when there was a knock at her door.

"Who could that be?" she wondered aloud. Sarah was at an ensemble rehearsal and Kayla told her she was going to the library after the creative writing club meeting.

She opened the door and could not have been more surprised to see who was on the other side.

"Mom?"


	12. Hotel California

**A/N:** Helloooo readers!

I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates on this story! I've been extremely busy figuring out how to be a real adult after finishing grad school. I'm hoping to get back to this story and at least post updates before nearly 10 months go by. I hope this will earn me some forgiveness, as well as the promise that things get worse before they get better ;)

Thanks again for your patience!

Chapter title comes from The Eagles _Hotel California_ :

 _Welcome to the Hotel California..You can check out any time you like, b_ _ut you can never leave._

* * *

 **Hotel California**

"Surprise?" Lorelai announced uncertainly. "Is this a bad time?"

Rory blinked a few times to clear her head; her brain had been overloaded with surprises that day. First the thing with Levi and now this?

"Rory?"

She realized they were still standing in the doorway and that she hadn't spoken since she opened the door.

"Sorry! Come in. Sorry, it's been…a day. I'm very surprised but so excited to see you!" She gave her mother a long hug to prove it.

"Are you sure? I mean, I sort of came on a whim. I can…figure something else out if you would rather…" Lorelai trailed off, hoping her daughter wouldn't send her away.

"Of course I'm sure. I have missed you so much! I know I didn't mention it on the phone the other day, but I was in a rush and I knew I would talk with you soon. But I never expected to see you! This is much better than a planned phone date."

Lorelai could hear the sincerity in her daughter's voice. She let out a huge sigh of relief and visibly relaxed. "I've missed you, too. So much. But don't worry, I'm not crashing in your dorm. I just wanted to stop by after I checked in to my hotel. I won't be stalking you during the day, either. I have plans for the foreseeable future, so don't worry about that."

"You know you can come to my dorm and campus anytime. In fact, why don't you meet me for a coffee at the student union in the morning before my first class? It's not Luke's, but the coffee is good and the baked goods put Weston's to shame."

"That's a bold claim, missy. Now I have no choice but to come and taste test these divine bakery items."

"It's a date. But Mom, you should know…I've been meaning to tell you…" Rory hesitated.

Lorelai quirked an eyebrow at her daughter. "Tell me what?"

"Well, as you know, the semester started several weeks ago…"

"…Yeah?"

Rory cleared her throat. "And in that time, we have spoken regularly. But somehow, I was never able to bring this up. I wanted to wait for the right time, but then I realized that there might never be a 'right time,' so I just kept putting it off."

"Putting what off, Rory?"

"Mom…Max works here. Do you remember how my Intro to English 1 professor was listed as 'TBA' at the beginning of the semester? Well…he's the A."

"He…what?"

"He's getting his Ph.D.," Rory continued. "He's a teaching fellow for the English department. I have class with him three times a week. Actually…he may end up being my advisor."

"That's…wow."

"I know. I should've told you a long time ago. I'm sorry. But I am telling you now because he goes to the union coffee shop in the mornings, so you might run into him. We can meet somewhere else if you want."

Lorelai smiled at her daughter. "Rory, it's fine. Max is ancient history. Is it shocking for me to find out he is your teacher again? Yeah. Am I totally freaking out about it? No way. It might be a little awkward if we do run into each other, but we're both adults. It'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I want to be apart of your new world, so we have to go to this coffee place. Besides, we already agreed that I have to decide whether or not their food is truly heavenly."

"Okay. I usually go with my friends around 10. Is that okay?"

"I'll be there at 10:15. No later than 10:20, I promise. I can't wait to meet your friends!"

They hugged goodbye and Lorelai departed for her hotel, feeling lighter than she had in weeks.

* * *

At the CoHo the next morning, Rory, Kayla, and Sarah sat down at the table Lorelai had snagged for them. Though Lorelai had only briefly met Sarah and was meeting Kayla for the first time, they all chatted like they had known each other for years.

"It's badass that you're opening your own inn," Kayla commented. She looked over at Sarah. "We'll have to stay there when we come and visit Rory next summer."

"Yes!" Lorelai agreed. "Consider yourselves formally invited to our grand opening in June. But you're always welcome at the house, too, of course."

"Yeah, you guys have to stay at the Crap Shack to get the full Gilmore girl experience," Rory told them.

Sarah looked at her quizzically. "The Crap Shack?"

Rory and Lorelai glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

"When we first bought out house, Rory and I wanted to name it, you know, like Jefferson named his place Monticello, but all we could come up with is The Crap Shack," Lorelai explained.

Rory nodded. "It's a term of endearment, really. It's been through a lot over the years. It would be held together with gum and duct tape if it wasn't for Luke."

"Who's Luke?" asked Kayla.

Lorelai felt a twinge in her chest at the mention of his name, but pushed it away quickly. "He's a friend of mine and Rory's. Owns the local diner and helps us out from time to time."

"Mom's being modest. Luke is our savior. He's kept us fed and properly sheltered for years."

Lorelai did her best to make her smile seem genuine. She wanted to enjoy this time with Rory and her friends, not waste more time pining for Luke and the relationship that never was.

She and the girls talked for a little while longer before they had to depart for class. She waved goodbye but stayed in the CoHo to finish her scone and cappuccino. Lorelai couldn't believe how quickly the time had flown between Rory moving in to where she was sitting at that moment. Rory seemed comfortable and at ease at Stanford, and she and her new friends seemed to mesh together well, despite their unique personalities. Lorelai hoped she would get the chance to know them better, but realized that was unlikely if she were to return to Stars Hollow.

 _If._

That word had taken up a large presence in her thought processes.

 _If I go back to Stars Hollow._

 _If I stay in California._

 _If I can get things together for the Dragonfly._

 _If Luke marries Nicole…_

The last thought sharply jerked her out of her introspection. She had done her best not to think about Luke the last 24 hours, and had been mostly successful up until the last 30 minutes. Did it really matter that he was the primary reason she was even in California?

 _Rory is,_ Lorelai told herself. _Rory is the reason I'm here._

But she knew Rory was just a convenient excuse. It was true, she had missed her daughter terribly, but she had already planned a visit for Rory's birthday in a few weeks. She could've held out until then.

She thought about her last interaction with Luke, and she thought about the letter she had written what seemed like a lifetime ago.

 _Has it really been just 2 months?_ Lorelai thought, stunned once again by the quick passage of time. She had spent their entire European vacation crafting that damn letter, but had only tried to present it to Luke eight weeks ago. This baffled her. So much had happened since then…

"Penny for your thoughts?" a familiar voice asked.

Lorelai realized she had been staring intently at her plate, tearing her scone into tiny pieces, lost in thought.

She lifted her gaze and smiled. "Hello, Max."

They both stared for a moment before she motioned for him to take a seat.

 _Please let there be as little awkwardness as possible,_ Lorelai prayed fervently.

And it seemed someone from the beyond had listened: after the initial awkward niceties, Lorelai and Max easily slipped back into their old dynamic. They laughed and talked amicably, catching up on each other's lives since their last meeting.

"I had thought you might be at the Chilton bicentennial," Lorelai remarked, popping a small bit of her scone into her mouth.

"I wanted to be there. But just as all that was happening, I was submitting my documents for the PhD program and my teaching assistantship. I had to be here or risk deferring my application."

Lorelai nodded. "I get that. If you had told me six months ago that I would be jetting off to sunny California in the middle of trying to renovate and open an inn, I would've told you to ask Dr. Crane to up your meds."

"Well there are still ways for you to work on your business from a distance," Max said. "With the internet these days, anything is possible. You could easily video chat with Sookie or Michel about what's going on, or tell them what you want or need done. I'm sure you can talk with the contractor as well, and have Sookie email you some photos on the progress."

Lorelai was a little taken aback. "Since when are you a business and technology whiz?" she teased.

Max laughed good-naturedly. "The faculty all have to be trained in computer literacy in the 21st century since a number of courses are starting to rely on email and online resources as part of the curriculum. The business stuff is just a guess, but I know how you guys work together. I've seen it. Communication is all you need to really get things going."

Lorelai smiled and shifted her eyes back down to her dish. _How can he still say the right things after all this time?_

Max checked his watch. "I'd better be going. It was nice to see you."

Many times when people said that to one another, it was a polite afterthought. But having known Max for quite awhile, Lorelai could tell that he was being completely sincere.

"You too."

He walked toward the exit, then turned back to face her. "Goodbye, Lorelai Gilmore." He gave her a wink, and with that, he was gone.

* * *

The following afternoon, Lorelai sat in the visitor parking lot, trying to work up the nerve to walk to Max's office. She had tried several times to get out of her car, but seized up at the last second, deciding to give herself another minute. One minute turned into 30 minutes and there she sat. Finally, she vowed to exit the vehicle as soon as she finished listening to "I'm With You" on the radio— who was she to pass up a good Avril Lavigne jam?

Almost four minutes later, Lorelai was stepping out of the Jeep. She gave herself a pep talk during her walk across campus, trying to psych herself up. This was normal right? She was just going to stop by the office of her daughter's college professor, who she was once engaged to and recently reconnected with.

 _Okay, maybe not so normal..._ Lorelai thought anxiously, but continued to make her way toward Max's office. When she arrived in front of his door, she stood there for a moment, collecting her thoughts. She covered her face with her hands and let out a sigh of frustration.

 _What am I doing?_

Lorelai shook her head and turned to leave when suddenly the door opened. A student walked out with Max following close behind.

"Thanks for meeting with me, Mr. Medina. I appreciate your feedback."

"No problem, Levi. Let me know if you have any other questions about your senior project."

Max turned to go back into his office and noticed the woman standing to the right of his doorway.

"Lorelai?"

"Hi, Max," she replied quietly.

"I didn't think I would be seeing you again so soon."

"I didn't either," she admitted.

"Would you like to come in?"

Lorelai shook her head. "That's okay. I actually came to see…" she paused, still deciding if she wanted to go through with this.

"To see…?" he prompted.

She steeled her shoulders and looked directly into his eyes. "I wanted to see if you would have lunch or dinner with me this week. Whatever you want, wherever you want. I don't know the area very well, so you'll have to help me out but…" she trailed off.

Max gave her a warm smile. "I would like that very much. Dinner tomorrow? 6 o'clock? You can meet me here."

That made Lorelai feel uneasy. She didn't want Rory to find out what she was doing. "Why don't I just meet you at your place?"

"Of course. I'll call you with the directions. Is your number still the same?"

She smiled back at him. "Yup. Still the same."

"Then I'll call. See you tomorrow, Lorelai Gilmore." Max gave her hand an affectionate squeeze then left her alone in the hallway.

* * *

Even though their brief time together at the CoHo had been easy and pleasant, Lorelai was still surprised that her dinner with Max went so smoothly, and the evening continued to be enjoyable for both of them as they walked along Pier 39 in San Francisco after dinner.

Lorelai had not told Max she would prefer to spend time together away from Stanford, but somehow he had known anyway. He had also known despite enjoying a delicious dinner, she would definitely have room for a funnel cake and churro. When she had pulled at his arm and begged to stop and buy souvenir's at Bubba Gump Shrimp, Co., he had acquiesced without much of a struggle.

 _It's almost like nothing has changed,_ she mused, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

But things had changed. For the last several days, they had talked and laughed easily like nothing uncomfortable loomed between them, pushing their past aside in favor of savoring the present. Lorelai hoped they could continue to co-exist in this trouble-free bliss; it was a nice contrast to the current chaos that was her life.

At the end of the night, however, it seemed that her luck had run out.

They were standing side-by-side on the pier, looking out onto the ocean with a comfortable silence between them.

Max cleared his throat. "Lorelai…I feel like we need to clear the air."

He felt Lorelai stiffen next to him. He knew this would likely ruin their evening, but he wasn't sure when an opportunity like this would present itself again. He had no way of knowing when she would be back in California or if she would still be willing to see him.

"I'm sure this is very awkward for you. It's awkward for me, too. But I have to know, Lorelai…what happened? Why did you call off our wedding?"

She sighed. "It didn't feel right anymore, so I panicked."

"Why didn't you talk to me? What changed?"

Lorelai looked at him, sadness in her eyes. "Nothing changed," she said quietly. "That was the problem."

Max didn't respond, so Lorelai continued, "I just didn't know what to say. I really care about you, Max. I always did. But…"

"You never felt more," Max finished for her.

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I wanted to. I _really_ wanted to."

Max remained silent for a moment, staring intently at the waves.

"You know, shortly after I moved here I started seeing someone. Diane. She was my real-estate agent."

"You mean you didn't take a vow of celibacy after being unceremoniously dumped by me? I'm shocked," Lorelai joked sarcastically.

"It didn't work out with Diane," Max continued as though Lorelai hadn't spoken. "Nothing terrible. We just weren't right for each other. But in the brief time she and I were together, I thought, 'Wow, look at me. I'm moving on!' I felt so proud of myself for getting over our relationship. Then I walk into the CoHo and there you are, after all this time, and I realize…apparently I'm not over it."

Lorelai gave him a rueful smile. "Max…"

"Why are we here? What's different now?" he asked.

She shrugged. "We had a whole country between us for over a year. Rory was dead-set on going to Harvard. We both dated other people. And yet, here we are."

Max shook his head. "I thought I was over you. I thought it was safe to come to California. And yet, here we are."

They adjusted their positions so they were facing one another. Max brought his hand to Lorelai's waist and gently pulled her closer to him.

Lorelai glanced up as an airplane flew overhead, thinking about the letter to Luke sitting in her closet at the Crap Shack, and that familiar ache in her heart returned.

 _Luke's taken_. _He's someone's fiancé,_ she reminded herself. _He'll never love you back._

Her heartache increased at that last thought.

The freshness of this wound caused her to hesitate when Max moved in to kiss her.

"I can't do anything serious," she whispered, their faces just centimeters apart. "I just…." she couldn't finish.

But Max seemed to understand. He brushed his lips to hers briefly. "I don't care. I just want you."

Lorelai gave him a small smile before returning his kiss.

She never thought she would run to California to escape Stars Hollow. She never thought she would see Max again. She never thought they would rekindle their romance. But it seemed the unexpected was exactly what she needed to plug the diner-owner shaped hole in her heart.


	13. Changes

**A/N:** Beloved readers, as a token of my gratitude, please enjoy a speedy update :) For realsies, y'all inspired me to finish up this chapter when I got home from work tonight.

Chapter title comes from the David Bowie song _Changes:_

 _Time may change me, but I can't trace time_

* * *

 **Changes**

The days following Lorelai's date with Max passed quickly, and Rory's birthday was soon upon them. Since her birthday occurred mid-week, the two Gilmores postponed their celebration to the following weekend so they would have plenty of time for shenanigans comparable to a Stars Hollow blowout.

Lorelai decided to take Rory to San Francisco, fully expecting her daughter to be as mesmerized by the city as she had been.

They enjoyed a journey down crooked Lombard street; stood in awe of the Fine Arts museum; took silly tourist photos on Haight-Ashbury; and sat together on the beach and gazed from a distance at the Golden Gate Bridge.

They ended the night strolling on Pier 39, savoring every bite of their churros and funnel cakes.

"If it were physically possible to make love to a dessert, this would be the one, my friend," Lorelai raved. "God, it's even better than I remember."

Rory gave her a confused look. "Than you remember? You've had this before?"

Lorelai mentally kicked herself for her slip-up. Rory couldn't know about her evening with Max.

"Um, yeah. While you've been in class, Mommy has been exploring!"

This struck Rory as odd, Lorelai venturing all the way out to San Francisco by herself, but it wasn't outside the realm of possibility, so she brushed it aside.

"Well praise be for your wanderings. These might be the best fried desserts I've ever had."

Lorelai felt relief flood through her, followed quickly by a rush of guilt.

 _It's not a big deal,_ Lorelai assured herself. _She doesn't need to know. Not now._

* * *

Two weeks after Rory's birthday was the first creative writing club meeting where critiques would be handed back to the members.

When Katie called her name, Rory did the best she could to stifle her excitement.

But when she returned to her seat and began looking over her writing, she frowned at the overwhelming number of notes that filled the margins. She flipped through each page and saw the same thing on all of them: many different colored inks in different styles of handwriting covered her piece.

 _Did I do anything right?_ she wondered miserably.

She was about to stuff the papers deep within her book bag when a note at the bottom of the last page caught her eye.

 _Needs more development all around — nothing is fleshed out enough. But the concept is great and the writing is there, just needs a little finesse, which is not unusual for a freshman. Great first effort. Continue to work on this — it could be something great._

This comment made the others sting a little less. This editor had provided a lot of feedback throughout her work, but was the only person who left her with a little encouragement. She knew constructive criticism would only make her a better writer, she just had not anticipated so much of it, and couldn't help feeling a little discouraged. But someone thought she was capable, and Rory wished she knew who it was so she could thank them.

With the combination of classes and her first big critique, all Rory could think about was crashing on her bed for a quick power nap before going with Sarah to a Wind Symphony performance, followed by a late-night study session. Classical music concerts weren't normally her thing, but Sarah was required to attend as a music major, so Rory agreed to go with her. She thought it would be fun opportunity for her to spend time with her roommate and broaden her horizons.

She had just shut her eyes when she heard a knock. She groaned in frustration and hopped off the bed to answer the door. She thought it might be a her mother dropping by unannounced, but her jaw hit the floor when she saw who her visitor actually was.

"Jess?"

"Hey."

Rory stood there, speechless.

"Can I, uh, come in?"

"What do you want, Jess?"

Jess seemed taken aback by her response. "I just…" he trailed off. "I don't know. I just wanted to see you. To talk to you."

"How did you get here? What are you _doing_ here?"

"Do we have to do this in the doorway?" Jess asked, taking a look around the hall.

Rory stood aside so he could enter. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Well?"

"I found my dad."

Rory's demeanor softened. "You did? When? How?"

"I guess he talked to my mom or something, I'm not really sure, but he sent me an email. We went back and forth for a little while, then he invited me to come out here a couple months ago. I think he's trying to make amends or something."

"Oh," Rory said quietly.

"He's, uh, got a wife and daughter…sorta. They're alright. Pretty nice, actually. He's gonna help me get back on my feet. He's got experience with being a drop-out with no life plan."

"Jess…"

"It's what I am, Rory," Jess said matter-of-factly.

"You could be so much more."

"That's what I'm trying to do here. In Venice Beach, I mean. I'm gonna take the GED and figure things out."

Rory smiled at him. "That's great, Jess. Really great. I'm proud of you."

"I couldn't have done it without you."

Neither of them spoke for a moment. Jess straightened up and looked directly at her. "Come back with me."

"What?" Rory thought there was no way she had heard him correctly.

"Come back with me."

She was shocked. "Come _back_ with you? Where?"

"To Venice Beach. To L.A."

"Are you crazy? I can't do that."

"You don't think you can do it but you can. You can do whatever you want!"

"Well, that isn't what I want."

"It is! I know you!" Jess insisted.

Rory shook her head. "You don't know me."

"Look, we'll go to L.A. You can transfer. We'll work, we'll live together, we'll be together. It's what I want. It's what you want, too!"

"No."

"I want to be with you, but not here. Not this place, not Stars Hollow. We have to start new," Jess pleaded desperately.

"I _am_ starting new. That's why I came here in the first place, but there's nothing for _us_ to start!"

"I'll help you pack. You don't have that much stuff. It's perfect. You're ready. And I'm ready. I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can!"

"No," Rory repeated.

"Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it, too. I know you do."

Rory continued to shake her head. "No, no, no, no, no!"

"Don't say 'no' just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say 'no' if you really don't want to be with me."

Rory looked at him with fire in her eyes. "No."

"No?" Jess echoed incredulously.

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean…" Rory felt incredibly flustered. Part of her ached to have to deny the boy she once thought was her soulmate, but another part of her...

"Jess…" her gaze softened as she looked at him, seeing the anguish in his eyes, but she had grown since that fateful fight the previous spring; she was not much older, but she felt she was much wiser. She shrugged. "It's too late."

Jess shook his head. "No. It can't be too late. I love you, Rory."

"No, Jess. You don't get to do that!" she exclaimed. "You know, I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing, how could he explain that? And then over six months goes by. No word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right?"

"Rory, please—"

"No, Jess! The last time we saw each other, you intentionally said the most hurtful thing you could think of because you were mad at me. And you didn't even apologize! You just took off, leaving me, and Luke for that matter, in the dust without a second glance. You don't do things like that to people you love! "

"I shouldn't have said that, but Rory, I felt like you were abandoning me. I thought you would end up here, across the country, and figure out there are better things out there."

Rory scoffed. "I guess you don't know me as well as you thought you did, if you genuinely believed I would leave you in the lurch like that. And if you didn't really believe that, then you were just trying to hurt me because I hurt you. What I did — what I'm doing — wasn't to hurt you, but regardless of your intentions, you wanted to hurt me. Then you just left! So you don't get to show up here and drop that kind of bomb on me, expecting me to abandon everything, what I've worked so hard for, to run away with you."

Rory could tell Jess was crushed by her words, but she had to stand her ground. "I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear. I don't want to hurt you, Jess, but I didn't — I don't — deserve to be treated this way."

Jess didn't respond. After what seemed like an eternity, he turned and walked away without a word. As soon as the door clicked shut behind him, Rory collapsed onto her bed, burying her head into her pillow and letting out a muffled scream.

She took in a deep breath to let out another when she heard her roommate opening the door. "Rory? You okay?"

Rory kept her face glued to her pillow and raised her arm to give Sarah a thumbs down sign.

"O-kay…you want to elaborate on that, Commodus? Did you send someone to their death or did something happen?"

Rory slowly sat up and began to explain her interaction with Jess while Sarah listened intently.

"Wow. That's…intense," Sarah said after Rory finished. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know…" Rory paused to collect her thoughts. "I never expected to see him again, especially not here. But I know I did the right thing, as much as it sucked. He had no right…I mean, after what he said…" she felt herself getting flustered again.

"Hey," Sarah moved to sit beside her and rubbed her back comfortingly. "You did the right thing. You deserve better."

Rory gave Sarah a small smile. "Thanks."

"Do you want to bail on the concert? How does a sandwich and coffee at CoHo sound? Then we'll just play it be ear?"

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be in trouble or anything."

"There are plenty of performances I can go to for my credits. We need a girl's night," Sarah assured her. "Get your stuff."

Rory grabbed her purse and followed her roommate out the door. Despite her painful and awkward interaction with Jess, Rory thought her evening might not turn out so bad after all.

* * *

"Ugh, I thought this night couldn't get worse," Rory groaned when Levi Hollis entered the CoHo a few minutes after her and Sarah.

"Just ignore him. He's hardly worth talking about," Sarah replied with disdain.

But as luck would have it, Levi spotted them just before he exited, and walked over to where they were seated.

"May I?" he directed at Rory.

She and Sarah exchanged a look.

Levi sighed. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said upon our first meeting. I was acting like a total douche."

"That's an understatement," Sarah muttered.

"Anyway," Levi continued, "I am sorry. Really. Sometimes when I get into reading or study mode I become a real Chevy Chase, you know what I mean?"

Rory chuckled at the reference, but Sarah wasn't convinced. "Why should we believe that's not how you always are? I mean, what sane person would speak to people they don't even know like that?"

Levi shrugged. "Guess you'll just have to take my word for it. Maybe I just need more development all around." He looked at Rory as he said this.

She let out a small gasp. " _You're_ the positive feedback editor?!"

"Is that so hard to believe?" Levi laughed.

As much as she hated herself for it, Rory couldn't help but notice what a killer smile he had.

"Well considering what a terrible first impression you made, I think it's a fair assumption," Rory said. "I might even say it was not a great first effort. But…it is something you could continue to work on."

"…Because it could be something great, right?" Levi quipped, giving her a wink. "The start of a beautiful friendship?"

Rory scoffed. "I wouldn't go that far, Rick Blaine.

"Of all the coffee shops in all the world…"

Both girls rolled their eyes. "Did you want something? Other than to apologize for being an ass?" Sarah asked him.

"Actually, I do. So here's what I was thinking…" Levi took a seat next to Rory and began discussing how she could fine-tune and expand her story. She was surprised at how eloquent and level-headed he seemed when he was talking; quite the opposite of the man she met over a month ago. His thoughts and suggestions were insightful and constructive, but he still managed to provide her with validation and support.

 _Maybe he's not so bad._

* * *

The following morning, Rory booted up her laptop to begin making edits to her story. Talking with Levi the night before had really helped her see things in a new light, and she was determined to ride her wave of motivation and inspiration as far as it would take her.

Her laptop chimed to alert her of new email messages. She smiled when she saw another from Paris and her eyes widened with shock when she saw who else had a message sitting in her inbox.

 _Hi Rory,_

 _In your going away letter, you said I "wasn't a computer guy," and you were absolutely right. But when your fiancee is tech savvy, she manages to convince you that your life will be better and easier with little conveniences like email and a cellphone. Nicole has been helping me figure out how to use the damn things for the last few weeks, and I think I finally have it down enough to use it without her supervision—haha._

 _Thanks for sending me a hard copy of the story you wrote about you and your mom. Once again, you were right: if anyone would appreciate the humor and truth in the bizarre lives of the Gilmore girls, it would be me. Maybe I shouldn't be, but I was surprised at how significant you made the diner seem. I know you guys eat here a lot (and your mom torments me a lot), but I guess I didn't realize how much this place meant to you both. I'm honored to be such a noteworthy part of your story. Send me a final draft when you get it all "tidied up" as you called it. I'm looking forward to seeing how much better it can get cause I thought it was already pretty great._

 _I was glad to hear that you have been getting and enjoying your care packages. It would have been easier to send them 22 miles up the road, but you're worth the packaging and extra postage. With this next batch, I also included a Save the Date for mine and Nicole's wedding in a few months. Normally I would have addressed it to you and your mom, but since you are on different coasts these days, I thought you might want your own invite, especially since we both know Lorelai isn't always the best at relaying messages._

 _I hate to use you as a go-between for you and your mom, but I almost didn't believe it when I heard she had been in California with you the last few weeks. Is everything okay? I'm sure you two are having a ball together out there, but I thought with the Dragonfly finally getting underway she would be here every waking moment of the day, begging for coffee. Sorry to ask — I don't need any specific details or anything, I just want to make sure she's alright._

 _Keep me updated about what's going on in your life. Not to be a sap, but I miss seeing ya. What was it that you called me on your sixteenth birthday…an "old softie" right? Maybe you were right…again._

 _Talk to you soon,_

 _Luke_

* * *

 _For a man of few words, Luke sure knows how to string them together for an email,_ Rory thought as she hit "reply."

 _Hi Luke,_

 _Wow! I can't believe you have an email and you're actually using it! Next thing you know, Mom will stop drinking coffee (HA - can you imagine?)._

 _I am glad you liked the story. I got…quite a bit of feedback on it from the creative writing club, so you'll definitely have something to look forward to in the future._

 _You are correct — you shouldn't be surprised at how important the diner (and diner owner) are to me (and Mom). You should know by now that you're much more to us than a coffee supplier and food provider. I know you're a modest guy but come on, Luke; don't be so dense…and I mean that in the most loving way possible :)_

 _I'll keep my eye out for the Save the Date. Thank you for thinking of me apart from Mom (she is bad about passing on messages)._

 _She's doing okay, I think. She's been acting a little strange, but I think it might be because she knows she needs to go home but isn't ready. It's been great having her here but…I think it's time for her to get back to Stars Hollow. Maybe I'm a terrible person for saying this, I just think she will never get used to me being away if she is always here, you know? It will be a long four years for her, and I don't want her to spend that time miserable or spending money we don't have on flights. Sorry I'm babbling. But I know you understand how she gets when it comes to me._

 _So in other news…_

 _Jess came to see me yesterday. Did you know he came out to California? His dad got in touch with him and apparently they're working things out. Jess said he has a lot of experience being "a drop-out with no life plan." I told him he's more than that, but you know how he is when he's got his mind set on something, especially when it involves his "me against the world" attitude. I wish he could see in himself what you and I see in him. I guess he just needs some time to figure things out._

 _Anyway, I thought you might want to know. I wasn't sure if you had heard much from him since he left, so at least now you know he's safe (right?) and hasn't changed._

 _You keep me updated as well. Thanks again for the care packages. My friends are quickly becoming Luke's coffee converts._

 _Talk to you soon._

 _Love,_

 _Rory_


	14. Brand New Eyes

**A/N:** See I told you I would try and update more regularly! :) We've got about 5-6 chapters plus an epilogue to go, so thanks for sticking with me. Enjoy!

Chapter title is an album by Paramore.

* * *

 **Brand New Eyes**

Even though he had (sort of) entered the 21st century communication world via email, Luke's 36 years in existence— _almost 37,_ he reminded himself—had gotten him into the habit of _not_ checking emails regularly. So it wasn't until a chilly morning in November that he opened his laptop and saw he had new messages. He smiled when he read Rory's name on the screen, but his smile faded when he reached the end of the email and learned Jess had reunited with Jimmy.

 _At least he didn't come sniffing around here_ , Luke thought. _At least he had the decency to reach out from afar instead of upending the kid's life._

Luke hoped for the best for his nephew's sake, but his bitter memories of Jimmy Mariano prevented him from being more happy with the arrangement.

 _Rory's right,_ he decided. _At least I know he's safe. Maybe it's better that he's out of New York…_

Luke became so lost in his thoughts of Jess he didn't hear his fiancée enter the apartment.

Nicole noticed the pensive look and lack of color in Luke's face and became concerned. "Luke?"

Luke blinked a few times to reorient himself to reality. He looked up at Nicole. "Hmm?"

She took a seat next to him, placing a hand on his leg. "Is everything alright? You don't look well."

Luke sighed. "Jess is with his dad."

"Oh. Well that's good news, right? He's safe at least?"

Luke chuckled. "That's exactly what Rory said."

Nicole stiffened slightly. "Rory? You've talked to Rory?"

"Yeah," Luke nodded. "You set me up with that email address, so we started keeping in touch. I hate to say that you were right about technology being a convenience, but you were right. Rory said letters 'preserve the written word and all that' but I gotta tell ya, it's a lot faster and cheaper to send an email than write a letter."

Nicole forced an uneasy smile. "I'm glad you are enjoying it." She got up and started to make herself a cup of Earl Grey. "And how's Lorelai?" she asked casually as she steeped her tea.

"Rory says she's fine. Acting a little weird, but fine."

"Uh-huh. And what does Lorelai have to say?"

Luke shrugged. "Dunno. I haven't spoken to her since…" Luke trailed off, thinking about his and Lorelai's last interaction, when they had almost…"Uh, since right before she left. Right when they were breaking ground on the Dragonfly."

Nicole quirked an eyebrow at him. "Really? You haven't been in touch with her at all? You haven't spoken in over a month?"

Luke shook his head. "Nope. I've only talked to Rory a couple of times. I asked about Lorelai to make sure she was okay after she just took off, but other than that…"

"No Lorelai," Nicole said quietly.

"No Lorelai," Luke confirmed.

Nicole's demeanor softened slightly. "Well then…how is Rory liking Stanford? What did she say about Jess?"

Luke was surprised at her sudden interest, but he decided not to question it, and began relaying the details of his and Rory's email exchanges.

* * *

Lorelai looked nonchalantly around the dorm as she waited for Rory to return from the communal bathroom down the hall. She smiled at the cardinal red paraphernalia covering the room, just slightly brighter than the crimson that once plastered the walls of Rory's room in Stars Hollow.

 _She's really finding her place_ , Lorelai realized, feeling a little melancholy.

In the midst of the sea of red and white, a pastel corner peeked out from under a stack of Rory's mail. She knew it wasn't any of her business, but she couldn't resist pulling it out to take a look.

When she saw the photo on the front, it felt like a slap in the face.

 _How on Earth did she convince him to take engagement photos?_ Lorelai wondered, staring at Luke and Nicole's smiling faces.

"Okay, Mom. I'm ready to hit the mall," Rory called from the hall.

Lorelai snapped out of her trance and quickly shoved the Save the Date back to the bottom of Rory's mail pile.

"Ready to go?" Rory asked from the doorway.

Lorelai did her best to fake a smile and salute. "Aye-aye captain. Full speed ahead!"

After the two Gilmore girls completed a day of shopping at the Stanford Shopping Center, they stopped at a nearby cafe to relax and recharge.

Lorelai had spent the whole afternoon trying to enjoy her time with Rory, but couldn't take her mind off how she was going to tell her daughter that she had been seeing Max for the last few weeks.

 _Not just seeing him…_ she thought guiltily.

Lorelai hadn't meant to sleep with Max so early in their new relationship, but on their last date just a few days prior, she had let herself get swept up in the moment. She didn't regret their encounter, but she knew it was going to make things with Rory even more complicated.

"Hon…I have to tell you something," Lorelai confessed.

Rory took note of her mother's serious tone and the worried look on her face. "What's up? Are you okay?"

Lorelai fidgeted with her croissant, breaking bits of it off into smaller pieces. _Maybe a cafe was not the best place to have this conversation,_ she thought. _But is any place a good place to have this conversation? You have to tell her_.

"Mom?"

Lorelai sighed. "Rory, Max and I…" she trailed off, but that was enough for Rory.

"Mom, please tell me you didn't."

"Didn't what exactly?"

"Please tell me you didn't sleep with Max."

Lorelai shrugged and didn't make eye contact with her daughter. "Okay, I won't."

"You won't sleep with him or you won't tell me you already did?"

"I don't know what you want me to say here, kid."

Rory groaned and put her face in her hands. "I can't believe this. I really can't. Ugh." Rory set her hands back down on the table and looked up at her mother, anger shining in her eyes. "How could you do this, Mom? How could you sleep with him?"

Lorelai was taken aback; she had not expected Rory to react so strongly. "We have a history and a connection."

"So that makes it okay to hit it and quit it with your former fiancé?" Rory retorted hotly. "I mean, you called off your engagement and ran away with me in tow because you couldn't _stand_ the idea of getting married to him. But now you're taking up residence in California and jumping into bed with him?"

Lorelai's faced burned with embarrassment and anger. "You know there was more to it than that."

Rory snorted. "Yeah, whatever you say."

"Hey, what's the deal here? Why are you so worked up about this? It's not like we are planning on entering into a long-term relationship. It's just a casual, convenient thing."

Rory's eyes widened. "Wait, so you're dating him? _Dating_ him? Seriously? Come on, Mom! Do you not see how ridiculous this is?"

"Why is it so ridiculous? We are both single and we are both lonely. We know each other pretty well."

"That's all it takes? What about Luke? You think I don't know about your European love letter?"

Lorelai's temper flared. "You don't know what you're talking about. But speaking of Luke, were you ever planning on telling me that you got a save the date for his wedding?"

"Are you going through my mail?" Rory asked accusingly.

"That doesn't answer my question," Lorelai pointed out.

Rory let out an annoyed sigh. "No, Mom. I wasn't going to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I _thought_ your heart was still broken and that wound was still fresh, so I thought I would spare your feelings. I didn't know you had already moved on."

Tears were threatening to spill, but Lorelai fought with all her might to hold them back. "I didn't realize you would be so upset about this. I'm sorry. I'm not angry, it was just a shock to find out you and Luke have been keeping in touch," she said quietly.

"Why wouldn't I be upset? And why wouldn't we keep in touch?" Rory asked, raising her voice slightly. "You made my life so complicated by even dating Max, let alone getting engaged and _then_ breaking off that engagement. Paris used that relationship to embarrass and hurt me not once but twice! And Luke doesn't just belong to you, Mom. He's just as much mine as he is yours. In fact, if we are keeping track, he liked me first. Just because you guys are on the outs doesn't mean he and I have to be. I let the Max thing slide because he ended up leaving for Stanford anyway. But I won't let you be upset with me because I still have a relationship with Luke."

Lorelai thought that was the end of Rory's diatribe, but she had only paused to take a deep breath. "I can't believe you would get back together with Max as soon as you are in his vicinity. I really need him, Mom! He could be a very valuable ally for me the next four years and beyond. He has been so helpful to me already, and it has been really nice to have someone familiar around during this big life transition. But if you guys are back together, everything is going to get screwed up! I'm going to lose him again. I'm so tired of cutting ties with men I respect, admire, or love just because you are finished with them. I never resented you for Dad staying away, but I will never forgive you if you mess things up with Max at school or interfere with my relationship with Luke. I won't."

After a brief silence, Rory stood to leave. "I have to go. I can't talk about this with you anymore. Truthfully, I can't even look at you, Mom. I'll see you…I don't know. I need some space right now. Just try not to surprise Max at school or make out with him in an empty classroom. Stanford is a big place, but I'm sure something like that would get back to me, and that's some deja vu I could really do without."

Lorelai was speechless, keenly feeling the deep sting of her daughter's harsh words and accusations. The thought of Rory resenting her as a result of her failed relationships made her feel queasy. How long had Rory been burying these feelings?

* * *

Rory's anger didn't subside in the passing weeks. Soon Thanksgiving was upon the students of Stanford, and Rory had no intentions of making up with her mother before or during the break. She stayed on campus and enjoyed the Thanksgiving meal available to the students who remained at Stanford during the holiday.

"Didn't expect to see you here, Gilmore," a voice behind Rory called out.

Levi plopped down in the seat next to her. "I'm surprised you didn't head for the wintry solitude of Connecticut this week. What gives?"

"No point in spending big bucks on a cross-country flight for a few days when a long Christmas break is coming up."

"I just figured you would want to see your mom. I mean just based on what's in your creative non-fiction piece, seems like you guys have quite a tight bond Kinda freaky, actually."

Rory frowned and stared at her plate. "Nope."

"'Nope' as in you aren't freakishly linked or 'nope' as in you don't want to see your mom?" Levi asked.

"I don't want to see her," Rory replied flatly.

Levi gave her a puzzled look but didn't say anything, so they sat together in silence while they ate their Thanksgiving dinners.

"Listen," Levi said after a few minutes, "I know we don't know each other that well, but we've been working on your creative writing piece together for awhile now. Even though I've never met her, I feel like I know your mom, and I feel like I have some weird understanding of the relationship you guys have. Now I may be completely off-base here, but something pretty serious must have happened for you to be so adamantly against seeing her over the holidays."

Rory felt irritated by his insightful analysis. "What's your point?"

Levi leaned a little closer and looked directly at her. She was surprised by the sincerity and kindness she saw in his eyes.

"My point is…are you okay?"

Rory felt herself blushing and tried to will it away. She also felt the resentment she had toward her mother bubbling up inside of her, and knew her face must be all kinds of red.

She let out a frustrated sigh. "She's just…ugh!" Rory paused, unsure whether or not she wanted to talk about some of her deeply personal issues with Levi.

 _He's already read the story_. _He already knows more than most people_ , she reminded herself. _And if I don't get this out, I might explode._

Rory sighed again. "She has done so much for me and I'm really grateful, but sometimes she can be so selfish! She doesn't think about the long-term consequences of her actions or how they might impact other people."

Rory launched into the tale of Lorelai and Max, beginning to end. Levi nodded and responded appropriately, but gave her space to let her feelings out.

"Wow," Levi said when she had finished.

"I know."

"I wish I knew what to say, or had some way to help you," Levi told her, looking genuinely distressed by her troubles. "I can't imagine how I would feel if I was fighting with my dad like this."

Rory gave him one of her own dazzling smiles. "Levi, you listening to my epic rant just now was a bigger help than you realize."

Levi returned her smile but looked away for a moment.

 _Is he blushing?_ Rory wondered, feeling a little astonished.

Levi stood to leave, then gave her shoulder a light squeeze. "Hey, I'm here any time. As you can see, I'm a pretty good shoulder to cry on. Or…not cry on in this case. A shoulder to rant on, I suppose." He gave her a wink, then walked toward the exit.

Rory felt better than she had in days.

But she still wasn't ready to forgive Lorelai. Not yet.


	15. Landslide

**A/N:** A real update? Hard to believe, right? Thank y'all so much for your patience. I tried to make this a long one to make up for the lack of updates. I promise, for reals, that I will do better about updating. Only a few chapters left!

Well, I've been afraid of changin'

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older, too.

\- Stevie Nicks

* * *

 **Landslide**

"Please enjoy your stay and Happy Thanksgiving."

Lorelai put on her best professional smile as she handed the guests their room keys. As soon as they made their way out of the lobby, she sighed and her face returned to its usual exhausted expression.

That's all she had felt since her fight with Rory: exhausted. And confused. And hurt. All of which made her new job as a consultant even more difficult.

As she sat down in the back office, Lorelai thought back to how she got to this place.

She didn't remember her tearful drive down to Monterrey, but she did remember sniffling as she knocked on Mia's door and collapsing into her arms.

Once she had relaxed enough to speak, Lorelai poured the whole story out to her second mother. Mia listened intently and passed Lorelai tissues as needed. When Lorelai had finished, Mia gathered her up into a comforting hug.

"I'm so sorry, my dear. What can I do?"

Lorelai took a deep breath to keep more tears at bay. "I don't know. There isn't a way for you to fix this. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Mia hesitated before speaking. "Well…can you end things with Max?"

Lorelai shrugged. "That seems like the easiest solution, but I feel like I will just prove Rory right if I do that; just using him and messing things up for her. Plus I like his company, and now that Rory won't speak to me, I can use all the friends I can get."

"So you will keep seeing him? Long term?"

Lorelai shrugged again. "I don't know. We both agreed it was casual. But…"

"But…?"

"If I stay here and we keep seeing each other, I don't think that counts as casual."

Mia gave her a serious look. "Are you going to be staying in California?"

More tears began to form in Lorelai's eyes. "I don't know," she repeated in a whisper.

Mia gathered her up again. "Sweetheart, what have you not told me?"

So Lorelai launched into another tale of woe, this time about her and Luke.

Mia held Lorelai tightly against her as the story progressed.

"My sweet girl…I cannot imagine how difficult all of this must have been for you. Losing Rory and the prospect of Lucas at the same time."

Lorelai let out a small giggle. "I forgot that you call him Lucas."

Mia continued to soothe Lorelai's wounds and provide support. By the time Lorelai departed for the hotel room Mia had booked for her, she had a new temporary-but-room-to-become-permanent job as a consultant for small inns and B&B's in the Monterrey Bay Area.

Lorelai hugged Mia tightly as she left. "Thank you so much, Mia."

"I am always here to help. Anything you need, come by anytime."

—

And since that day, Lorelai had spent 7-10 days at several establishments in the area. Weeks passed, and before she knew it, Thanksgiving had arrived. She had thrown herself into her work in order to avoid the pain of missing her daughter, but she was finally feeling the crushing weight of her first major holiday without Rory.

Max had been thoughtful and put plans with his family on hold for the next two days so Lorelai would not be alone on Thanksgiving and had a partner for Black Friday shopping. He had made a habit of going above and beyond to do kind things for her since her fight with Rory, including reassuring her that no matter what happened between them, he was staying put at Stanford and his relationship with Rory would remain unchanged.

"This isn't high school anymore," he had joked, earning a small smile from Lorelai.

But still she had heard nothing from Rory. She got updates from Mia at their version of Friday night dinners, but it wasn't the same. She desperately missed her best friend. But she had no idea how to mend what was broken between them.

* * *

Thanksgiving was a bleak affair for everyone, it seemed. Across the country, Luke and Nicole were locked in a heated battle regarding their place of residence.

"All you ever talk about is how much you hate everything about this place! But when I suggest moving somewhere within a reasonable distance of the diner, it's out of the question."

"I have a business to run! It's not just a 9-5 job like you have. I have 4 AM deliveries. Being 30 seconds away from my door is just good business practice!"

"But we've even looked in Stars Hollow, Luke! Every place had some kind of irreparable problem you just absolutely could not bear to handle. Too many windows, too few windows, bad carpeting, bad hardwoods…the list goes on and on. We can't live above the diner forever, Luke. I'm not even asking you to sell it or rent it; I just want us to have a place of our own. Is that too much to ask?"

"Buying a house is huge commitment, Nicole! I'm not ready to buy a place just because you can't stand to live in my apartment until we find the right fit."

"You know what else is a big commitment? A marriage, Luke. Do you think you're ready for that?"

"I know that!" Luke shook his head in resignation. "I don't know what you want from me, Nicole. I've been involved with the wedding planning. I'm trying to be involved with the house buying. If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't be doing those things. I even picked up the invitations so we could send them out. How much more ready can I be?"

"Well maybe we shouldn't send out the invitations!" Nicole shouted.

"What?"

Nicole took a deep breath. "Maybe we shouldn't send out the invitations," she repeated more calmly.

"You want to postpone sending them?"

Nicole shook her head. "No, Luke. I think we shouldn't send them out at all."

Luke let out a big sigh. "Why?"

Nicole took his hand in hers. "Luke…we tried. We really did. I mean, we've been living together for months, but there's something missing. Don't you think?"

Luke didn't respond immediately. He didn't want to hurt Nicole, but he knew being dishonest about how he really felt would be more hurtful in the long run. He nodded.

She gave him a sad smile. "It's funny, isn't it? How two people can enjoy being together, plan a future together, but somehow still not be right for each other? And still not really be in love?"

"Nicole—"

"It's okay, Luke. I think we both have spent this relationship really caring about one another, and I think we both have been trying to convince ourselves this is more than it is. We like each other, we get along. But that's a friendship, not a marriage."

"You know," Nicole continued, "for awhile I thought that you were never fully invested in this relationship because of Lorelai."

"Lorelai and I—" Luke tried to interrupt but Nicole held up her hand.

"I know. You're 'just friends.' Nobody in this town seems to believe that. I didn't think you did either, deep down. Maybe you don't. But the last few months, she's been totally removed from our lives. And even before she left, you had been attentive and considerate and involved with our wedding planning. Only a sociopath could be that insincere." Nicole paused and gave his hand a squeeze. "I don't think you're a sociopath, Luke. I think we just aren't right for each other. I thought if Lorelai was out of the picture, everything would come together for us. But…"

"She's gone and nothing has changed," Luke finished.

"Exactly."

They sat quietly for awhile, holding hands, thinking about where to go from there.

Nicole finally broke the silence when her chair scraped the floor as she stood to leave. "I'll cancel everything—don't worry about it. If you can just help me get my things together so I can get back to Litchfield, I'll take care of everything else."

"Yeah, of course. Whatever you need."

"I'll get on the phone with my realtor tomorrow and see if she can get me a place in the next week. In the meantime, I'll just pack a few things and stay at the hotel there."

"Downtown?"

Nicole nodded. She pulled off her engagement ring and placed on the table in front of him, then headed for the door. When she placed her hand on the knob, she stopped before turning it. "Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you to know…if things work out with Lorelai, I understand. I know you really tried here."

Luke shook his head. "Nicole—"

"'Just friends.' I know. But if you end up digging deep down and find some remnants of feelings for her, just know that I want you to be happy. Even if it's not with me."

Luke sat there for a moment, stunned. Then, surprising himself and Nicole, walked over to the door and wrapped her in a strong embrace. "The feeling is mutual," he said as she pulled away.

Nicole pecked him on the cheek, then walked out the door, down the stairs, through the diner, and out of his life.

Luke felt sad at the loss of his relationship, but at the same time, he felt relieved. Nicole was right: they had cared about one another, but he didn't love her. Not the way you're supposed to love the woman you're going to marry. Knowing that she didn't blame him for the relationship's end eased his conscience considerably. He wouldn't have to waste time in the future wondering what he could've done differently, or wishing he had put forth more effort. They had both done their best to make the relationship work. It just wasn't meant to be.

He had a brief flashback to a conversation he'd had with Lorelai a few years before…

 _I guess if you can find that one person, you know, who's willing to put up with all your crap, and doesn't want to change you or dress you or you know, make you eat French food, then marriage can be all right. But that's only if you find that person._

 _Yeah, if you find that person_

But he wasn't going to think about Lorelai. Not ten minutes after his breakup with Nicole. He needed time to process and move forward. Besides, she hadn't contacted him in months. He only knew she was alive thanks to Rory, and it didn't seem like she was planning on coming home any time soon, especially since she and Rory were not on the best terms. He knew she wouldn't leave until things were right.

Besides their almost kiss several months ago, Luke had no evidence that Lorelai was even interested in him. Just like her request at Rory's graduation, Luke told himself that the charged moment they'd shared just before her departure was likely nothing more than a desperate attempt to cling onto something—someone—safe and familiar.

But he wasn't going to dwell on those things. He needed to get Nicole's things together. He needed to let the wound left by this relationship heal, no matter how small it was. He had no interest in finding out where he currently stood with Lorelai.

 _They'll be home for Christmas soon, anyway_ , he thought. _I can talk to her then. If I even_ want _to talk to her by then. Are we even friends? Can you stay friends after not speaking for months?_

No, he definitely wasn't going to be bothered by thoughts of Lorelai.

* * *

The weeks continued to pass by quickly. Rory continued to improve her writing thanks to the Creative Writing Club and Levi, and Lorelai continued throwing herself into her consulting.

"Christmas coming up, Gilmore. Any big plans?" Levi asked her one evening after a Club meeting.

"You know I don't have any, Hollis."

His smile faded. "Still haven't made up with your mom, huh?"

Rory shook her head. "I just…don't know where to start."

The two of them entered the CoHo together and ordered some coffees.

"You know," Levi said as he took a sip, "some people might say drinking coffee at night would prevent you from sleeping."

"Some people," Rory said, taking a drink of her own, "are idiots."

Levi laughed. "I'll drink to that."

They continued chatting while they drank.

"So…" Levi said after awhile, "I know it's not really my business, but can I ask…what's holding you back from reaching out to your mom? I know you said you don't know how to get started, but what's wrong with just…extending the olive branch?"

Rory sighed. "It's not that simple. The things I said…it's not like I can just say, 'Hey, Mom! Sorry I accused you of chasing away every positive male role model I've ever had! I meant everything I said but I know that was not the right way to tell you! My bad!'"

"Why not?"

Rory looked at him like he had three heads. "What do you mean why not?"

"Exactly what I said: why not? Why can't it be that simple? Why can't you just say that to her? Well maybe not that exactly, but something along those lines?"

"Because!"

"Because…?" Levi prompted.

Rory threw her arms up in frustration. "Ugh. You don't understand!"

"Listen, Gilmore. I've said this to you before, but even though I've never met your mom or seen you guys interact, I feel like I understand your dynamic; I feel like I understand her. We have been working together for months on this creative writing piece, fleshing out the characterizations and adding more nuance. Your mom loves you. Period. I don't think anything would make her happier than hearing from you."

Rory didn't meet his gaze. Levi continued, "I know you might feel like she really owes you an apology first, but maybe she feels too ashamed to reach out to you. Maybe you taking the first steps will give her the affirmation she needs to make amends."

Rory's eyes widened; she hadn't considered that. She quickly got up from her seat. "I have to go."

She started to exit the CoHo when Levi grabbed her hand. "Hey, you're not driving off alone in the middle of the night."

"I'm going to make amends! Like you said!" Rory argued.

He grinned at her. "Rory, I know. I'm coming with you."

Whether it was the way he said her name, his hand on hers, his smile, or his volunteering to accompany her she could not say, but Rory felt her heart flutter a little.

She grinned back at him. "Then let's go."

Rory had learned through Mia where Lorelai was staying in Monterrey. With Levi in the car with her, the 90-minute drive seemed to fly by, and she felt extremely anxious about what she would say to her mother.

"It's gonna be okay, Gilmore. Just relax."

Rory snorted. "Just relax…yeah okay. I'm cured. Does the medical community know about your amazing healing powers?"

Levi chuckled. "Aaaand she's back, ladies and gentlemen. Be sure to use that sweet charm on your mom."

Rory was glad he had come. As anxious as she was, having a companion along with her made her feel much more at ease.

He had released her hand as they left the CoHo, but Rory could almost till feel it's warmth on her skin.

 _Focus, Rory_ , she told herself. _You don't have time for guy thoughts right now._

But she couldn't stop her thoughts from drifting to how it felt, for that brief moment, for their hands to be joined.

A few minutes later, she pulled into a parking spot at her mother's current residence.

"I'll be right back," she told Levi as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

"Take your time, Gilmore," he replied as he reclined his seat. "Just let me know if we need to get a room."

He sat up from his reclining position quickly and banged his head on the ceiling of the car. "OW!" he cried. "Uh, I mean. Not 'get a room' get a room but, like, you know…if we need to stay the night."

 _He is blushing!_ Rory thought excitedly.

"I knew what you meant, Hollis. Keep your pants on."

She winked at him as she shut the door, leaving him gaping after her.

She was still grinning when she knocked on the door of room 14, but quickly sobered when she heard the clicking of the lock.

She heard a sharp intake of breath when the door opened.

"Rory?"

She gave Lorelai a weak smile. "Hi, Mom."

* * *

Luke's laptop emitted a "ping!" noise. He checked his email and found a note from Rory. His excitement over receiving an update just before their Christmas arrival quickly diminished as he began to read:

 _Hi Luke,_

 _Has the first snowfall in Stars Hollow happened yet? It seems like it's the right time of year. I love California but I am really missing the New England winter; I know Mom is especially._

 _Yes, you read that right. My mom is missing Connecticut, and I know this because we made up last night. Took us long enough, right? I'm sure you thought the whole thing was ridiculous since I told you about our fight, but since I didn't give all the details, you'll just have to trust me when I say it was…complicated._

 _But since we are Lorelai and Rory once more, I'm afraid I have some bad news: we aren't coming home for Christmas. I know that seems bizarre, but since Mom and I spent so long fighting, we want to spend some time making up, and her staying in Connecticut after my break is over will hinder that. And since we will be staying, my grandparents will be coming to California for part of my break to see us both and celebrate Christmas and the New Year. Pretty weird, right? The whole Gilmore clan willingly and happily spending the holidays together. It's only took 2,000 miles to make it happen._

 _I'm sorry that we won't be seeing you, though. You're our family as much as anyone. But rest assured: when I come home, you will see me so much you will be begging me to go back to California; you will be sick of seeing my face in the diner._

 _We will be mailing your gift soon. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and Nicole._

 _Love,_

 _Rory_

—

While Luke was relieved that the Gilmore girls had made up, the disappointment he felt at not seeing them both for several more months weighed heavily on him. He did his best to sound cheerful in his reply, and in doing so forgot to mention his and Nicole's breakup.

"You wanted time and space, you got it," he told himself aloud, a trace of bitterness in his voice.

* * *

"I know what you're going to say," Max told her as he took a seat next to her on the bench.

Lorelai gave him a sad smile and took his hand. "That's because you know me too well."

"It's my honor to have had the opportunity to get to know you that well," he corrected, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Max…I'm sorry."

"I know. But you have nothing to be sorry about."

"I broke up with you right before our wedding and now I am breaking up with you on Christmas Eve. I feel like that definitely merits an 'I'm sorry.'"

"We both knew this wasn't going to last. Truthfully, I'm surprised it has gone on this long. But you and I both know that you won't be here forever. And…" he paused. "And we both know that your heart has always been somewhere else."

Lorelai flinched.

"I don't say that to hurt you," Max said reassuringly. "I say it because it's true, and I think that you really need someone to tell you that truth."

Lorelai sighed. "I don't know."

Max squeezed her hand again and then placed a kiss on it. "But I do. And I have enjoyed our 'second chance' together immensely. It's just time for us to get back to reality."

He stood. "Goodbye, Lorelai Gilmore."

"Goodbye, Max Medina. Take care of my girl."

"I will. You never have to worry about that."

And as he walked away, Lorelai knew with all her heart that it was true.


	16. Though We May Roam

**A/N:** Just thought I would reward some patience with another update so you didn't have to go too long without one again :) I have 3 chapters left to write and an epilogue already completed, then this story is done! Thanks for sticking with me :)

A note: I know Lorelai's birthday isn't correct, but there is some debate on whether or not it is 4/22 or 4/26, so I split the difference :)

Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,

Be it ever so humble there's no place like home.

\- John Howard Payne

* * *

 **Though We May Roam**

Christmas and the New Year for the Gilmore clan in California were actually pleasant and fun. Lorelai had to pinch herself several times to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Seeing her parents walk with Rory along the pier in San Francisco and stop for touristy photos on the Golden Gate bridge were not sights she ever expected to see in her lifetime, nor was watching them buy corn dogs from a food truck vendor. But they seemed delighted to soak up Rory's new world. When they weren't exploring the Bay Area, Rory took them around Stanford to all her favorite places. Emily and Richard were pleasantly surprised at how much they liked the school and its beautiful grounds.

"It's no Yale," Richard commented, "but it was a fine choice, nonetheless. We are very proud of you, Rory."

Rory beamed. "Thanks, Grandpa."

The elder Gilmores departed on the second of January, and not long after, it was time for Rory to begin classes. Once she got started, the winter quarter seemed to fly by. She worked non-stop from the first week of January to the middle of March writing for the Daily, completing assignments for class, and polishing her creative non-fiction piece for submissions in April. As much as she hated to admit it, Levi had been a huge help, and she discovered she really enjoyed spending time with him, which she hated even more. That paired with his help in reuniting with her mother made her glad she had the next 10 days off for spring break; it would give her time to sort out her feelings and finally take a breather.

"I can't wait to get home and get away from all this," Rory lamented to her mother as they waited for their plane to arrive. "I've been away too long."

"Well, you could've been home every weekend, but this is the life you chose. Warm Christmases over winter wonderlands," Lorelai teased.

Rory rolled her eyes. "Don't act like you didn't love strutting down Hollywood Boulevard with your iced coffee over Christmas break. You never would've had the chance to weep over Barbra Streisand's Walk of Fame star if it wasn't for me. Besides, I wouldn't call the 40-50 degree temps in Stanford 'warm.'"

Lorelai laughed. She was glad they could make jokes about everything now. It had been a hard couple of months, but both Gilmore girls knew they were better and stronger because of it.

"I have a surprise for you," Lorelai whispered to Rory after they took their seats on the plane.

Rory raised her eyebrows. "Oh?"

Lorelai took her daughter's hand and looked at her with mock seriousness. "I checked the weather before we left the hotel. It turns out…" she paused for dramatic effect, "that there was a surprise snowfall in the Hollow last night."

"So there will be fresh snow?!" Rory asked excitedly.

Lorelai nodded. "Fresh snow, babe."

Rory let out a small squeal of delight. "Fresh snow! What a homecoming treat! But wait," she frowned and gave her mother a quizzical look, "you had to check the weather? What happened to your supernatural snow-smelling abilities?"

Lorelai gasped and feigned offense. "Excuse me, I have been in California for the last five months! My abilities are just a little rusty from lack of use. One whiff of the white stuff and I'll be good as new."

"You might want to rephrase that," Rory giggled.

"You're right, you never know where the air marshals are sitting."

* * *

The airport cab dropped the girls at the Crap Shack, and after quickly depositing their bags in the entryway, Lorelai and Rory began their walk into the town square.

"It's our first snow walk of the season," Lorelai pointed out, linking arms with her daughter.

"But not the first snow."

Lorelai breathed in the smell of the bitter cold. "It's _our_ first snow, and that's all that matters."

The two walked arm-in-arm through town, soaking up every bit of its magic that they could. They came to a stop in front of the diner.

"Can we go in?" Rory asked quietly.

Lorelai nodded. "We can."

A hush fell over the diner as the Gilmore Girls entered. Luke stepped out of the storage room, his eyes widening upon seeing them standing in the doorway.

He swallowed thickly. "W-what are you doing here?" he asked, never taking his eyes off her.

Lorelai shifted nervously from one foot to the other, while Rory quietly snuck into a nearby seat.

"Um...I'm back? Surprise?" Lorelai said meekly.

"Oh. Good." Luke nodded and walked back into the storage room.

 _That's all he has to say_? Lorelai thought. She hadn't expected him to throw a parade in her honor, but she a thought he would be a little more enthused that she had finally returned. She knew they had not parted on great terms, but she thought time and distance might help heal their wounds, and she had missed him more than she thought possible.

 _Besides, he has Nicole. He's still engaged,_ she reminded herself. _And you just broke up with Max….again._

Lorelai sat down with her daughter, still pondering Luke's reaction to their arrival. Someone else came up to take their order. Rory barely noticed, and Lorelai pretended not to care while she and Rory sipped their coffee and chatted with their friends about life in California. She played the part well, but everyone in the diner still noticed her eyes darting to the far corner of the room every few minutes. Luke never emerged.

Lorelai felt disheartened when they left the diner and headed home, trying to make sense of Luke's behavior. Rory noticed her mother's uncharacteristic silence. "Mom? Everything okay? You've been pretty quiet since we got back."

"Yeah, kid. I'm just tired from our trip. I'm ready to be back in my own bed and take a nap that puts Rip Van Winkle to shame."

Rory laughed. "Hear hear! I can't wait to catch up on all the sleep I missed during my finals this quarter. But I also don't want to miss a thing while I am here. What are our plans for the next week?"

The Gilmore Girls talked excitedly about their Spring Break plans on their walk home, and continued talking while they made their way into the Crap Shack and plopped down onto the couch.

"It's too bad we just missed Grandma and Grandpa's big spring fundraiser," Rory said.

Lorelai groaned. "Don't remind me. It's the only time of year besides Christmas that Mom makes her apple tarts. There are not many times I regret missing time with your grandparents, but those apple tarts make even the worst of parties worth the trouble. 'Til next year sweet tarts," she lamented.

Rory laughed. "Cut them some slack! Things have been great between you guys. You probably need to detox from the tarts anyway, junkie."

Lorelai huffed with mock indignation . "This is how you treat your mommy after everything she has done for you? You better hope you don't end up locked in your room, left behind as I drive away to New York."

"I take it back! Please don't lock me away like Rapunzel! I need an NYC fix!" Rory pleaded dramatically. "I'll do anything! Anything!"

Lorelai laughed at her daughter's acting. "You sure you don't want to pursue theater at that fancy school of yours, kid? With a little help, your skills could surpass Tara Reid's by the end of the spring semester."

"Ooo let's have a Tara Reid marathon! Add that to our list. Imagine the mocking potential!" Rory said.

Lorelai jumped off the couch, suddenly bursting with energy. "Brilliant idea! Let's hit up the video store and stock up on supplies!"

Rory stood up and yawned. "Can we go later? I could really use a nap. Or you can go now and wake me up when you're ready."

"I'll go now. That way you can get reacquainted with your bedroom and start apologizing to your lonely books before you hit the sheets."

"You're right! I've neglected them for months. First Europe, now college. Do you think they'll ever forgive me?"

Lorelai patted her on the back. "You'll have to go in there and find out. Be prepared to grovel."

"I'm sorry, books! I've missed you so!" Rory wailed as she made her way into her bedroom.

"I'll see you later, sweets! Have a good nap!" Lorelai contemplated enjoying another walk in her beloved snow, but decided taking the Jeep was a better idea since she would be carrying sustenance.

She took in the sights once again as she drove through the snowy town, glad to be home again. Despite the cold weather, being back in Stars Hollow made her feel warm inside. She didn't regret her time in California, but she hadn't realized how much she missed her little town until this moment.

She parked her car and smiled blissfully to herself as she walked toward Doose's, continuing to revel in the sights around her. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she ran smack into someone on the sidewalk, nearly slipping on the frozen ground.

"Whoa, watch where you're going!" Luke yelled, grabbing her arm to keep her upright. "You're gonna break your neck if you aren't more careful! What if I hadn't been here to catch you? Or worse what if you fell into the street and got hit by a car? You've got to pay more attention to what you're doing, Lorelai! I know they haven't got snow and ice out in California, but I would think you hadn't forgotten the dangers of them while you were away!"

Anger swirled in Lorelai's chest. She yanked her arm out of his grasp. "What the hell, Luke? You've literally said two words to me since I got back, now suddenly you're screaming at me? I was in your diner for over an hour and you didn't even show your face! What was so interesting in the storeroom that you couldn't even pretend to be happy we are back? Hell, let alone say hello to Rory and ask her how school was going!"

Luke's eyes widened and he looked down at his feet guiltily. He hadn't forgotten about Rory, but he didn't know how much Lorelai knew about their emails. He knew there wasn't much Rory kept from her mother, but based on some of the subject matter in their virtual conversations, he understood that they were, for the time being, just between the two of them. He didn't want to betray Rory's trust by detailing their correspondence to Lorelai.

He shuffled his feet anxiously before looking up at Lorelai. He could clearly see the anger and the hurt in her eyes, and cursed at himself inwardly for causing her this pain.

He opened his mouth to try and explain, but she stopped him. "Don't bother. I am not interested in standing in the cold and listening to your excuses. I have to go to the market, now if you'll excuse me…" She waited for him to stand aside and let her pass. He watched her stomp away and cursed at himself again. He stood there for another minute, staring at the market door, hoping she would come out. But when she did not, he trudged back to the diner

* * *

The next day, Lorelai was still reeling from her interaction with Luke, so she sent Rory to get coffee and danishes while she rifled through all the mail that had accumulated over the last five months. She had asked Babette to forward her all her bills and anything else that looked important, but there were still a few things remaining that were not quite junk mail but not quite worthy of an "important" label either.

To release some of her anger, she pulled the shredder up next to the table and placed each piece of mail she didn't need inside, allowing the whirring noise and the sounds of crumbling paper to soothe her. She flipped through the magazines before ripping out a few pages at a time and shredding them as well. She was nearly to the bottom of the pile when she noticed a more colorful piece of mail sticking out amongst the shrinking stack. Curious, she pulled it out from its place and immediately regretted it. There was a photo of two happy, smiling faces beaming at one another with the words _Save the Date_ printed in beautiful script at the bottom. Despite the pain of glancing upon a similar piece of paper addressed to Rory all those months ago, she couldn't help turning it over to finally read the details on the back.

 _Luke & Nicole are getting married!_

 _4.24.04_

 _Formal invitation to follow_

Lorelai felt sure she had misread the date.

April 24.

 _He couldn't have,_ she thought miserably. But after reading it again, then about 50 times more, the date didn't change.

Luke was getting married in just over a month…on her birthday.

Not only had he thought it would be a good idea to invite her to his wedding, he thought it would be a good idea for it to be on her birthday. He _knew_ how special her birthday was to her, yet he had done it anyway. Unless…

 _He forgot about your birthday._

She numbly inserted the colorful card stock into the shredder with the rest of the junk.

 _He forgot your birthday. He forgot your birthday. He forgot your birthday._

As she listened to the paper be torn to bits, she absentmindedly wondered where the alleged "formal invitation to follow" had gone. Surely they would have sent them out by now. Maybe it had gotten stuck to another piece of mail and had already been shredded. Maybe Babette already threw it out and missed trashing the "save the date." Whatever the case, Lorelai found she did not care, and hoped to never lay her eyes upon it.

She finished going through the last of her mail and laid her head down on the table. As happy as she was to be back in her home, the dull ache she used to feel in her chest in the days before her California adventure had returned in full force.

 _Did it ever really go away?_ she asked herself.

She knew the answer.

When she had gotten on the plane for San Jose all those months ago, she made every effort to stuff that pain deep down into the dark, unseen depths of her psyche. She threw herself into spending time with her daughter and with Mia. She did her best to let Max fill the hole in her heart. She took on extra work to keep her mind occupied. She told herself every day that she was happy and was exactly where she needed to be.

In some ways, that was true. But she knew ultimately it was all a lie. She had run away to escape the ache, but it stayed with her, following her every move for the last five months.

She got up from the table and walked upstairs into her bedroom. Without really knowing what she was doing, Lorelai rustled through her closet and pulled out a shoe box.

Her Luke box.

She pulled off the top and looked over the things inside.

Receipts with notes written in Luke's hasty scrawl: _Stop drinking this stuff. It'll kill ya._

Paint samples from when they spruced up the diner.

An unopened box of English breakfast tea with a post-it attached: _Try this instead. It won't send you to an early grave. — Luke_

A few other post-its with short notes scribbled on them: _Fixed the dryer. Stop putting your socks in the oven. — Luke_

And at the bottom of the box, there was an envelope.

Against her better judgement, Lorelai pulled out the letter inside and began to read, allowing the pangs of misery to overtake her.

* * *

 **A/N:** Fun fact: "I'm ready to take a nap that puts rip van winkle to shame," is a gem I borrowed from my best friend :)


	17. Swallowed in the Sea

**A/N:** This is a long one! Thought you all deserved it and I just couldn't find a good cutoff point!

Chapter title is a song by Coldplay

* * *

 **Swallowed in the Sea**

After spending a much needed week in beloved Stars Hollow, Rory's break was coming to an end, and one big question loomed over them both.

"Mom?" Rory finally asked on her last day home.

"Yeah, babe?"

Rory waited a moment before continuing. "Are you…coming back with me? Or…"

Lorelai sighed. "Or am I staying here?"

Rory nodded and Lorelai smiled at her daughter. "I think…yeah. I'm gonna stay."

Rory was surprised. "You are? Really?"

"Yeah, kid. You're really settled in at school, and Sookie and Michel need me here as we take the final steps to open up the Dragonfly. And…" she paused, not wanting to voice her Luke feelings. "It's just time."

"Are you okay…being alone?"

"I don't think I'll ever be ready to be without you for months at a time, but I feel much more ready than I did in September."

Rory hugged her mother close. "I love you, Mom. Thank you for spending these last few months with me."

"Oh, kid, you have no idea."

They spent the rest of their final evening together stuffing themselves with junk food, pizza, and fabulous homemade desserts from Sookie, who joined them for the last hour of their party.

In the morning, Lorelai took Rory to the airport just as she had all those months ago, only she felt proud and contented rather than overwhelmed by sadness and loss. It was hard to let her daughter go after their goodbye hug, but she felt much better about sending Rory back where she now belonged.

After months away and a week of spending time with Rory during the break, Lorelai dove head first into preparations for the Dragonfly opening. But it was not to escape her feelings or mask her pain; it was simply because it was her dream, and now that she was home for good, she was going to do everything within her power to make it come true.

When she arrived on site, she wanted to weep with gratitude for her dedicated and loyal friends. They had kept her in the loop every step of the way via video chats, phone calls, and emails, but Lorelai was still amazed by the amount of work they had gotten done in her absence. She realized at that moment how incredibly fortunate she was to have befriended these people and recruited them to be part of this project.

"Lorelai!" Sookie called out.

Lorelai ran up the steps of the front porch and hugged her best friend hard. "Sook…this is amazing," she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Well as much as I would love to take all the credit, Michel was actually a big help."

Lorelai pulled away. "Michel? Our Michel?"

"Do not sound so shocked," came Michel's voice from the doorway. He walked out and brushed some dust from his pristine suit. "I am the hardest worker of the three of us, no?"

Lorelai walked over and hugged him, too. Michel stiffened slightly. "Why are you squeezing me with your body?"

"It's a hug, Michel. I'm hugging you."

"Thank you but…that's enough."

Lorelai pulled away. "Yeah, you're right. That didn't work for me either."

Michel cracked a smile. "Shall we get started?"

Lorelai and Sookie sat down on the porch swing while Michel pulled up a chair. Sookie and Michel filled Lorelai in on the last few things that needed to be taken care of before they finalized everything and opened.

"It's mostly construction," Sookie said. "It got pushed back when we found out the foundation needed to be fixed. But it's going well, according to Tom, and we should be on track for a summer opening!"

Lorelai gasped. "That soon? When in the summer?"

"The first week of July," Michel replied.

"Once they get the floors finished and the stairs repaired, we can set a date because all that will be left is decorating!"

"How is the kitchen looking?" Lorelai asked.

Sookie squealed excitedly and launched into a story about her journey toward her perfect kitchen.

A few hours and a few more discussions later, Michel and Sookie said their goodbyes and left Lorelai to explore her property. She still couldn't believe this was hers; hers and Sookie's and Michel's big dream coming to fruition. There was still major work to be done inside, but it was all coming together. In just over three months, they could be opening their doors.

Lorelai explored the grounds and the stables, excited by the thought of the horses who would occupy them. The flower beds that would be blossoming in a few short weeks. The beautiful trees were just beginning to show their new leaves. In the late spring and summer, this would be a breathtaking spectacle.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Lorelai jumped at the sound of a voice behind her and whirled around.

Luke blushed and looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on you. I thought you heard me coming."

Lorelai shook her head. "Nope, too absorbed in my own thoughts."

They stood in silence for a moment. Lorelai was still a little annoyed with him after his behavior during spring break, but she was so pleased by the Dragonfly's progress that all of her negative feelings were spirited away.

"So, uh…" Luke began, shuffling his feet nervously. "You…stayin'?"

"Yeah. How could I not? Look at this." She gestured to the property around her. "It's time for me to embrace all this; all the responsibility here I've been neglecting."

"Well it looks great."

"All thanks to Sookie and Michel. And Tom and his crew of course."

"When's the big day?" Luke asked.

"Hopefully the first week of July," Lorelai informed him. "There's still several big repairs that need to be done inside, so we might have to push it back a little. But I don't see any reason we won't be open by the fall."

"If you need any help..."

"That's a nice offer, Luke, but it's not your job to help with this project. You've got a diner to run. I wouldn't expect you to drop everything just to help me."

 _Even though there was a time when I would have_ , she added silently.

"I'm happy to help if it gets you the opening date you want," he offered.

 _You know I'd do anything to see you happy_ , he thought to himself.

"Thank you, Luke. But it's not necessary. I'm okay with pushing back a little if we need. Opening for the summer would be great for the tourist season, but fall is a big time for us, too."

"Just say the word and I'll be here."

She reached out and gave his hand a squeeze. "Thank you."

 _Where did that come from?_ she wondered, feeling him squeeze back.

Their hands remained joined as Luke started to speak, "Lorelai…"

She pulled her hand away gently, not wanting to get carried away in this moment like she had done so many times in the past. She didn't want to interfere with his life any further than she already had.

 _Just friends_ , she reminded herself.

"I'll see you later, Luke. The thing I'm most happy about is getting to enjoy some Luke's coffee every day now that I am home."

He looked confused for a moment when she had pulled away, but then smiled. "Damn, I was hoping being on the west coast turned you into one of those hippies who only drinks green juices and smoothies."

Despite her best efforts to be casual, Lorelai winked at him. "You know me better than that, Luke Danes. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

And she did see him that next morning.

And the next evening.

And the morning after that.

It became their new routine. Lorelai would have breakfast at the diner; spend the afternoon working on things for the inn; and run into Luke in the evenings when she walked around to inspect the crew's progress.

The first time she had chastised him for ignoring her wishes. He, in turn, informed her that he was a grown man and she couldn't tell him what he could and could not do, using a bit more colorful language.

She snapped back that it was _her_ inn so she was the boss of _everyone_ working on it, and if he included himself that meant she _could_ tell him what to do.

This led Luke into an epic rant about saving money and protecting her clientele from shoddy workmanship of men who were lazy and cut corners in their construction.

This made Lorelai laugh. "You think Tom would hire lazy workers?"

Luke shrugged. "After seeing Dean lurking around with a tool belt I have started to doubt Tom's instincts a little, actually."

Lorelai gave him a look. "Hey Dean's a good kid. Lay off him. Or at the very least don't try and fight him in the street. I know he's older now but it's still not culturally acceptable to fight teenagers."

Luke muttered something under his breath that Lorelai couldn't hear, so she gave him a playful swat. " _Behave!"_ she scolded as she continued her walk around the building.

She couldn't help but feel pleased by this interaction; it felt like they were back to their old selves.

And their interactions continued this way as the construction crew continued their work and Luke stepped in to lend a hand when he could on the evenings. Lorelai didn't know how he was managing to work at the diner all day then spend hours doing manual labor, but she knew better than to press the issue with him again.

She also knew that he would never allow her to pay him back in any way, shape, or form; even so much as a "thank you" was pushing it. So she started bringing him food and drink when she took her own dinner break.

She had started small. Just some water here or there, maybe a lemonade. Then she offered him a beer at the end of the night, followed by baked goods every so often from Sookie that were "tester recipes" for the inn. Finally she worked her way up to offering him a sandwich to go with his beverage, once she assured him it had been made by someone else.

But Luke, being Luke, returned Lorelai's kind gesture of thanks into another kind gesture of his own. When he arrived each evening, he would leave a Luke's bag on her desk with a large coffee. After a few nights of doing this, she started taking her food out to the porch and calling him over to eat with her. They would sit together in the cool night air, talking and laughing like they used to before.

Before Nicole.

Before the letter that Luke still knew nothing about.

Before Rory left for school.

Before.

One evening, Luke's topic of conversation surprised her. "Got any big plans for your birthday?"

Lorelai nearly choked on her burger. "W-what?"

Luke gave her a questioning look. "Uh, your birthday? Ya know, the one day a year you unashamedly revel in everyone's love for you? The one week a year I volunteer to be your helper? I know Rory isn't here, but I figured that would be an even bigger reason for you to have some ridiculously huge party."

"Um, don't you have plans that day already?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "Am I supposed to? I don't know about any surprise party so you can't trick me into telling you."

Lorelai didn't know what to say. "Luke, I know you're not great with remembering dates and things but…you're getting married April 24."

The color drained from his face.

 _He really didn't realize, did he?_ she thought sadly.

He swallowed and took a deep breath, some of the color returning to his face. "Lorelai, I am so sorry. Nicole wanted to get married the last Saturday in April and I didn't think anything of it."

She did her best to fake a smile. "It's fine, Luke. I thought it might be something like that."

He shook his head. "It's not like that."

"But you just said—"

"Because we aren't getting married."

Lorelai drew in a sharp breath. "You're…not…" she trailed off.

Luke shook his head again. "No. We called off the engagement."

Lorelai was still trying to find her voice, her thoughts racing so quickly she could barely grab hold of one. "When?" she asked in a whisper.

Luke hesitated. Lorelai deserved to know the truth, but he knew she would be upset that he had kept it from her for so long.

It hadn't been intentional; he wasn't trying to hurt her. If anything, he was trying to protect her by keeping her in the dark. If he didn't tell her, then he wouldn't have to deal with his feelings. He could pretend nothing had changed between them. He could act like he was in love with his fiancé and not the woman sitting next to him.

He cleared his throat. "Uh well…I think around…" he paused. "Thanksgiving?"

Lorelai's mouth fell open. " _Thanksgiving?"_ she repeated. "You broke up with your fiancé in November and didn't say anything for five months?"

He sighed. She had every right to be upset. "I didn't and that was wrong of me. At first, I just forgot to mention it. I was going to tell you when the two of you came home at Christmas, but then Rory told me you weren't coming. And I was so disappointed that I wouldn't be seeing both of you that it slipped my mind when I got back to her. Then after that…it just didn't seem to matter anymore. I'm embarrassed to say this but…I honestly hadn't thought about it since you came back. Not until you just mentioned it. Everyone else knew and I forgot you didn't. That's the only reason I didn't tell you."

Lorelai looked at him skeptically. "So you didn't tell me because…you're an idiot?"

Luke laughed and let out a sigh of relief. "The biggest. Colossal."

"Then I guess I can forgive you," she said, the tension between them dissipating.

He put his hand on her knee. "I really am sorry."

"I know." She leaned to put her head on his shoulder. "Thanks for telling me. And thanks for apologizing."

"Don't mention it."

They sat like that for awhile, taking in the sounds of construction and nature around them, content to just be in each other's company.

Lorelai finally sat up and turned to look at him, her face the picture of seriousness.

"So…about my birthday…"

She gave him a mischievous grin and he groaned. "I knew I would regret this."

* * *

The week of Lorelai's birthday, Luke showed up at the Crap Shack with his tools.

"At your service," he said as he entered the living room.

"Dirty!"

He rolled his eyes. "What do you have for me this year?"

She handed him a list. "Not much, which isn't surprising since I wasn't here for months. Babette took good care of the place while I was gone, so there's just a few little things here and there."

"Are any of them deliberate damaged imposed by you in the last 24 hours?"

She gasped in mock offense. "I would never!"

"Oh of course, my mistake. That must have been the _other_ Lorelai who did that just a few years ago."

Lorelai nodded. "I've heard about her. A real menace. But not nearly as pretty as me."

Luke rolled his eyes again. "Will you be at the inn today?"

"Where else?"

"Have you thought about taking a day off?"

"Rest is for people who aren't winners. And I'm a winner, baby! Thanks again. I'll see you tonight!" she called to him as she grabbed her coat and headed out the door.

Luke finished the downstairs in record time; Lorelai hadn't been joking about there not being a lot of work. But the upstairs was an even bigger surprise.

"Christ," Luke uttered when he entered Lorelai's bedroom.

He could see the floor. The bed. Her dressers, with the drawers fully closed. "Where the hell am I?"

He shook his head in disbelief as he looked back at his list and Lorelai's loopy scrawl.

 _Bedroom:_

 _\- Bedpost squeaks at slightest movement_

 _\- Third dresser drawer sticks_

 _\- Closet door sticks after closing_

 _Bathroom:_

 _\- Shower head is leaking_

 _\- Water pressure is off_

All easy fixes. He started with the bathroom on the chance he got wet and needed to put his clothes in the dryer while he finished his work. Luckily he stayed dry and moved on to the bedpost and the dresser drawer. When he went to open the closet, he realized she wasn't exaggerating about the door sticking; he had to yank it several times before it gave way. And even then, he had yanked so hard that it caused a box balancing precariously on the edge of her top closet storage to tumble from its place onto the floor.

"Shit." Luke gathered up the items quickly and put them back into the box. He was about to place it back on the shelf when an envelope sitting at the top caught his eye.

 _Luke_

Why was his name written on this envelope that was tucked away in a box at the top of Lorelai's closet?

He knew he shouldn't pry. He knew it was a bad idea to snoop around in Lorelai's obviously very private business. He _knew_.

And yet, how could he not? The temptation was too great.

With great curiosity, he opened the envelope, pulled out a letter, and began to read.

* * *

Lorelai was sitting in her makeshift office sipping her Luke's to-go coffee when the man himself burst into the room, looking wild and clutching something in his hand.

She stood. "Luke? I—"

"What the hell is this?" he demanded, walking quickly over to her and raising the letter up for her to see.

"I don't—"

"Bullshit. Don't say you don't know. You _know_. You know _exactly_ what it is."

She looked at the document in his hands and the realization hit her full in the face. Her eyes widened and her cheeks burned. He was staring at her intently, fire in his eyes.

He stormed in and had demanded an answer, but he didn't ask again, instead waiting for her to break the silence and give him an explanation. Even though the sounds of construction were buzzing around her, all she could hear was her own heartbeat and the sound of Luke's heavy breathing.

She desperately wished he would say something… _anything_ to break this tension. She would rather be yelled at than face this Luke, stoic and reticent.

She wanted to confront him about how the letter had come into his possession. Had he gone through her things? But she knew that didn't matter; acting indignant would only look like she was avoiding the true issue.

She let out a sigh of resignation. "It's exactly what it looks like."

Luke hadn't expected this. He thought she'd curse him for stumbling upon this secret in her home and try to distance herself from it, but she was owning up to it. "When?" he asked, momentarily at a loss for words, thrown off by her reaction.

"I started it the day we left for Europe. I wrote about eight drafts before I got to that point. What you have in your hands was completed on the flight home."

Luke felt like he had been punched in the gut. "Since you got home from Europe you've had this?"

"Yes."

"You kept this from me? Since then? You, who reprimanded me for not telling you I broke off my engagement, have kept this completely life-altering news from me since August?!" He was trying not to yell but he couldn't help but raise his voice slightly; he was fuming.

Lorelai's cheeks turned redder as her anger bubbled up as well. " _Yes_ ,"she repeated, "because you were _engaged_. I wasn't about to drop a bomb on your life when you were finally happy!"

"How do you know that I was happy? Why do you get to decide what my future happiness looks like?"

"I thought I was doing you a favor! I know Nicole never liked me, and I thought she would like me even less if, just weeks after you got engaged, I waltzed into the diner and announced that I loved you! You seemed excited about the engagement!"

"Who cares what Nicole would've thought? This wouldn't have been any of her business."

"Of course it would've been her business! You were her fiancé for god's sake! _You_ asked _her_ to marry you. Willingly! You were _happy_ when you got back from that vacation. I even made a comment about it to Rory. You were happier than I had ever seen you. I wasn't about to ruin that because of my own selfish wishes! I've done that to you enough over the years over little things, and I didn't want your future happiness to be one more item on that list."

"God damn it, Lorelai! I would've been _happy_ with you!" he shouted much louder than he intended.

They both froze, stunned into silence by Luke's words.

They stood there for several minutes, the hammering and sawing around them continuing as if nothing was amiss. Lorelai silently thanked god that the noise of those tools likely kept this shouting match from reaching the ears of Tom and his crew.

Luke rubbed his hand over his face, trying to decide what to say next while Lorelai watched him carefully.

"I'm sorry," she said simply. "I didn't want you to find out this way."

"Did you want me to find out at all?"

Her eyes filled with tears. "No. But not because I don't feel that way. I just didn't want to ruin your life. And…" she paused and sniffled, trying not to break down into sobs. "I didn't want to have to bear the pain of being rejected. It nearly broke me when you told me you were getting married to Nicole, and if I had told you and you didn't…" she trailed off, unable to continue.

Luke walked over to her and wrapped her in his arms. She thought a gesture like this would push her over the edge, but oddly, it steadied her; made her feel safe. She let herself relax into his embrace.

"Lorelai," he sighed. "You couldn't be more wrong."

She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Instead of answering, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He reached inside and pulled out a slip of old newspaper. When he handed it to her, she nearly burst into tears again.

"You kept this? You kept this in your wallet?"

"Almost eight years. Lorelai…I've been waiting for that letter my entire life. If you had given me any indication I would've…" he paused, trying to hold back his own emotions. "I would've dropped everything. This right here, you and me, is all I have ever wanted."

Tears were sliding down her cheeks now, but she was smiling. "Really?"

"More than anything."

He pulled her close once more, and their lips met in a searing kiss, filled with longing and apologies, forgiveness and love.


	18. Coming Up Roses

**A/N:** Another quick chapter! I'm on a roll y'all. Just one more after this plus and epilogue.

Also, I forgot to give a big shoutout to my friend **savvyliterate** for being my soundboard, especially with my last chapter.

Chapter title is a song from the musical Gypsy.

* * *

 **Coming Up Roses**

Rory checked her email one morning in late April and saw she had several messages.

 _Hi Rory,_

 _Sorry I missed you at spring break. Mama insisted I spend some time in Korea. I have so many stories to tell you, but I would rather do it in person, preferably over some banned food. I've missed having Lorelai as my go-between, so I am glad she is back at least. I can't wait to see you this summer. Don't forget to bring me some California hits!_

 _Love,_

 _Lane_

She typed out a reply to Lane mentioning her arrival date for the summer and a plan for their first meet up. Then she clicked over to the email from Paris.

 _Hello Rory,_

 _I believe when we last spoke, I was on the verge of breaking up with a new boyfriend. I ended up not going through with it. I was fully prepared to do it; I had practiced and everything. I had made notes and had all my points ready to go. But then he asked me to spend the summer with him and I couldn't do it. He's quite a bit older than me, so asking me to go with him is a big deal._

 _In fact, he's actually a professor at Yale. I think he knows your grandfather. Asher Fleming? He's a genius…very under appreciated by Yale, but over appreciated by most of the female students._

 _Anyway, just wanted to give you an update. Get back to me when you can. If your finals schedule is anything like ours, I won't expect to hear from you any time soon, unless you need some help creating a study schedule. Let me know._

 _— Paris_

"Well we don't have time to unpack all of that," Rory said aloud.

There was a knock on her door.

"Hey, Levi. I was just checking my email. Let me look through my snail mail and then I'll be ready to head to the concert."

"I haven't been to a symphony orchestra performance in ages," Levi commented. "Thank Sarah for me."

"Thank her yourself after the concert," Rory replied. "You know she loves it when you mind your manners."

Levi rolled his eyes while she sifted through her mail.

She pulled out on envelope that was slightly larger than the rest. She looked at it quizzically and inspected the address, her eyed growing wide in recognition.

"What is it?" Levi asked, coming up behind her.

Rory did not reply, ripping open the envelope and pulling out the correspondence inside.

"Dear Ms. Gilmore," she read aloud. "We were delighted to receive your creative non-fiction work entitled 'Gilmore Girls' as your submission for the Cordelia Forrest Memorial Award in Creative Non-Fiction. It is our pleasure to inform you that your story has been selected as the grand prize winner. As such, you will be awarded a $250 cash prize and publication in our Summer/Fall issue of That's the Ticket, the renowned literary and art journal created and produced by the MFA community at the University of Los Angeles. Thank you for your participation in our bi-annual competition. We look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Sincerely, The Cordelia Forrest Memorial Foundation."

Rory was stunned. "But…I didn't enter. I didn't think my work was ready for submission. Can this have been a mistake? I mean surely there's another Lorelai L. Gilmore out there in the world somewhere, right?"

"One that also wrote a creative non-fiction work about the adventures she had with her mother?" Levi asked.

Rory turned to face him. "I don't understand."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Rory…"

She gave him a skeptical look. "You never call me that. You always call me Gilmore. Levi…did you…"

His cheeks turned scarlet and he gave her a sheepish grin. "I've been reading your story for months. We've been working together for months to polish it and make it something special. It was finished the week after Christmas break. But you weren't satisfied; you kept finding something wrong with it. Now normally I would admire a person who can be critical of their own work, but Rory…" he paused, her name still sounding odd in his mouth, "You created something wonderful. Something a ton of freshmen only dream of writing. God sometimes I have to remind myself how young you are because you're that good. But you didn't want to submit to any competitions—real competitions—because you were afraid. I knew you could reach higher than the Daily's annual contest or the English department competition, so I did it for you. ."

"You did this?" Rory repeated. "You did this…for me?"

Levi swallowed and nodded. "Well…yeah."

"Levi…I…"

"You never call me that." He winked.

She gave him a playful shove. "Shut up. I just…I can't believe you did this."

"Are you upset? That I went behind your back?"

"Upset? How could I be? I just won the freakin' Cordelia Forrest Award!" She squealed in delight and threw her arms around him.

"I won the Cordelia Forrest Award!" she yelled again, laughing with joy.

She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, mere inches from his face.

"Levi…" she whispered. "Thank you."

She placed her hand upon his reddened cheeks, then slowly, delicately placed her lips on his.

It was a quick, sweet kiss. When she pulled back, she began to blush. When Levi didn't say anything, her blush deepened and she stared at the ground, unsure of what to do next. But then, he put his fingers under her chin and lifted her head back up to look into her eyes.

"It was my pleasure, Gilmore. And I'd do it again," he said, pulling her close, his hands moving to either side of her face. Rory wrapped her arms around his neck as, they both moved in sync toward one another, pausing with their lips centimeters apart. Then their lips met again, but this time with passion and desire.

Rory felt like glitter was exploding inside of her. Kissing Dean had been nice. Kissing Jess had been great. Kissing Levi was…the only way to describe it was magical. Like finding the perfect pair of jeans or the perfect cup of coffee. It felt good and right and natural, like she had kissed him a million times before, only infinitely better than any other kiss she had ever had.

After awhile they drew apart in need of oxygen, resting their foreheads together.

"You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that," Levi told her, placing a gentle kiss onto her forehead.

"How long?" Rory asked him.

He backed away from her slightly so he could look directly into her eyes. "Since you reunited with your mom, I think. Back in December."

Rory grinned. "I felt something then, too. But I didn't want to distract myself with guy stuff so I tried to push it to the back of my mind. Working together on this piece made it pretty impossible. I was so glad to go home for 10 days over spring break. If I hand't, I might have pushed you against a wall in the Daily office."

Levi laughed heartily. "Meanwhile I was a mopey jackass all of the break because I wasn't seeing you every day. My dad told me he thought I was going through some kind of delayed puberty. Finally he asked, 'who's Rory?' I nearly keeled over. He said I had managed to work you into almost every conversation. I didn't even realize."

Rory blushed again. "My mom has asked me about you a few times since you went with me to Monterrey. I finally convinced her we were just friends so she stopped interrogating me, but I think she knew all the same."

Levi took her hand. "Do you think I could meet her? Formally, I mean? I don't think waving from the car really counts."

Rory intertwined their fingers and beamed up at him. "Of course. There's nothing I would love more."

* * *

Finals were not as unimaginably awful as Rory thought they might be. She at least felt grateful that she didn't have to perform for her faculty, as Sarah did for her final jury performances as a music major. She had Kayla to help her study and stay focused which made her feel much less stressed.

As the semester drew to a close, Rory realized that she wouldn't be seeing her friends for three months. She had not thought she would meet anyone like Kayla and Sarah; she never imagined having close friends who lived so far away from her. Now she couldn't imagine her life without them. They had been indispensable to her the past year, especially when she needed to vent about her struggles with Levi. Going to Sarah's orchestra concerts became a ritual for Rory and Kayla during the year, and eventually Levi was invited along as well. It had given them all a time to be together when their schedules started to get busy. Plus it gave her friends a chance to see a better side of Levi; their opinions of him had improved significantly since their first meeting.

They all decided to get flights home around the same time so they could sit at the airport together. Sarah was headed home to her grandmother in Colorado with her boyfriend Justin. Kayla was Texas bound and looking forward to spending time with her mother. Levi had been vague about his plans when they had asked why he didn't just drive home to Santa Barbara instead of flying with them.

"Wouldn't it be cheaper?" Sarah had asked.

He waved this question away. "I mean with gas prices these days, who's to say?"

The four of them sat together as long as they could, sipping coffees and nibbling on banana bread.

"God I think I'm gonna miss the CoHo's monkey buns the most," Kayla commented. "Those things are better than sex."

Everyone else cackled.

"You're not wrong," Sarah confirmed.

Rory laughed along with her friends, but couldn't quite meet Levi's eyes. She wasn't ashamed of being a virgin, but she didn't want him to find out about it in the middle of the San Jose airport. It was not a conversation that could happen before they parted ways for three months.

While she thought about this, Rory was surprised by how quickly she had fallen for Levi. She had been in love with Dean and was pretty sure with Jess, but Levi…was something else. She felt safe like she did with Dean, but fulfilled like she had with Jess. Then he had his own unique characteristics as well, like how close he was with his dad or how much he cared about politics at the local and national level. He had been a stable and steady presence in her life since the night he went with her to see Lorelai in Monterrey.

"It sounds like you really like this guy," Lorelai had commented on the phone a few weeks prior.

"Yeah. Mom, I think…" she paused. "I think I'm in love with him."

And as she watched him interact with her friends in the airport terminal, she became even more sure.

The time came for them to go their separate ways. There were hugs and tears and promises to call and write.

By the time Rory took her seat, she was exhausted both physically and emotionally. She was ready to take a long nap on her flight to catch up on the sleep she missed during finals.

She had just gotten comfortable and closed her eyes when someone slid into the seat next to her.

Great, she thought, I'm gonna have someone pressed to my side for six hours.

The person nudged her. She ignored it. Then they did it again. Annoyed, she opened her eyes to ask for some space, but found she was speechless.

"Hey," Levi greeted her.

"W-what…what are…what?" She was very confused.

"I think what you are trying to ask me is 'what are you doing here' in which case, the answer is…flying to New York by way of Connecticut."

"I thought you were going home?"

"Nah, I lied. I wanted to surprise you. I got a summer internship at Empirical Press in New York. It's a cool place and if I intern there now, I can get contacts for a job later."

"A publishing house?" She gave him a puzzled look. "I thought you wanted to be a writer?"

He shrugged. "I'm open to the possibilities. I don't know if you've noticed, but I do spend a lot of time editing and fine tuning people's work, Miss Cordelia Forrest Winner." He gave her a wink. "And though I am a good writer, I am an even better editor. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I bring out the best in people's writing. You're the same way, whether you realize it or not."

"I am?"

"Yeah. You edited the hell out of that piece once I got started with you. And everyone in Creative Writing Club was practically begging for you to look at their work by the end of the semester. You've got a good eye and good instincts. You shouldn't rule out a career in editing either. Besides what better way to become a better writer than immersing yourself in the world of publishing? You get to see what the trends are, hone your craft while you edit other people's work. It's the dream, baby!"

Rory had never considered a job as an editor, but hearing Levi say it…it made sense. She had adored her time as a literature major, but she enjoyed editing as well. The two seemed to be a good pairing, so she would discuss her options with her advisor over the summer. She knew he would have good feedback.

Max had been true to his word: despite his breakup with Lorelai, he had been nothing but good to Rory. He had agreed to be her advisor and help her with her final portfolio and submissions of her work in the future, and Rory was so very glad that she had him in her life. She was really looking forward to her next three years at Stanford.

"How do you feel about a summer with me?" Levi asked, trying to be cool but secretly afraid of her answer. He, too, had been surprised by how fast he had fallen for her, the freshman girl from the East Coast. But once he fell, he knew he couldn't be apart from her for three months, so he applied for several internships in her vicinity. If one didn't work out, then he would take it as a sign that maybe they weren't meant to be long term. But something had worked out, and it was something excellent. He would get to intern at a publishing house with a stellar reputation and spend the summer with the girl he loved. He only hoped she felt the same.

She grinned at him and interlaced his fingers with hers. "I'm thrilled! I'm excited to show you everything. But you should know, once my grandmother finds out you're around, you're gonna wish you had stayed in California. She and my grandfather are…hard to please. But they really are good people."

He pressed a kiss to her hand. "Bring it on. I can't wait."

* * *

 **A/N:** The Cordelia Forrest Award - National Award for Creative NonFiction is not real. I based on The Diana Woods Memorial Award in Creative Non-Fiction.


	19. My Heart With You

**A/N:** Prepare for a long A/N in the next chapter/epilogue.

This chapter title is a song by The Rescues.

* * *

 **My Heart With You**

As exciting as a late spring/early summer opening would have been, Lorelai was glad they had decided to wait until the last week of June. It had allowed them to take their time with the reconstruction and interior design, and made it possible for Rory to be there to take part in the big event. Lorelai knew her daughter would have made every effort to be there regardless of when they opened, but this had made it so much easier and less stressful for everyone.

Lorelai also knew that Rory was very pleased that Levi would be joining them as well. She had been skeptical of Levi initially when Rory had told her about their first encounter, but he had gone above and beyond to prove himself a worthy match for her daughter. When Rory had confessed she thought she might be in love with him, Lorelai had been a little concerned, but watching them interact the last few weeks put her heart at ease. Levi had come to Stars Hollow as often as he could (which coincidentally turned out to be almost every weekend) and had offered to help with the Dragonfly preparations however he could. This had impressed Luke more than anyone. He had kept a watchful eye on Rory's beau during these visits, occasionally tossing barbs his way, but he had warmed to Levi quicker than any of Rory's other boyfriends, including his own nephew (who he loved as a person but had his doubts about as Rory's long term partner).

Lorelai had been completely won over, though, when Levi approached her a few days before the test run.

"Ms. Gil—I mean, Lorelai?" Levi corrected himself quickly, having been admonished by Lorelai previously for addressing her as "Ms. Gilmore." He continued, "I wanted to ask: are there any extra rooms available for the test run?"

"I think there might be one left after Michel accepts that his chow puppies won't be allowed. Why do you ask?"

"I thought I might invite Kayla and Sarah, Rory's friends from school. I know they all miss each other and the other girls would love to see New England."

Lorelai was so touched by his thoughtfulness. "I think that's a great idea! But do you think they'll be able to get a flight?"

Levi suddenly looked a little embarrassed. "Well…" he hesitated. "I already bought tickets for them. I figured if there wasn't space for them here we could find accommodations for them somewhere else. From what I have learned about Stars Hollow the last few weeks, it seems like putting up some of Rory's good friends somewhere in town wouldn't be a problem at all."

Lorelai laughed a little at that. "You're right about that." But then she quirked a suspicious eyebrow at him. "But wait… _you_ bought the tickets?"

He nodded sheepishly. "Yeah. Please don't say anything to Rory, though. I want to talk with her about it myself but…my dad is Edward Hollis."

Lorelai's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. " _The_ Ed Hollis? The software tech mogul?"

Levi grimaced. "The very same."

"Why would you want to keep that a secret?"

He shrugged. "I don't like to talk about my family's wealth. I don't want to seem like I"m flaunting it, and I try not to take advantage of it unless it's an emergency. Most of the money I have I earned working summers and breaks in the mailroom for just over minimum wage, but I do still get money from my dad sometimes."

"Minimum wage in the mailroom? For the founder and CEO's son?"

"My dad wanted me to learn the value of hard work and understand what it means to work your way up the ladder. He grew up middle class so he has never really struggled, but now that he has the ability to live in luxury, he doesn't indulge much because he knows how important it is to have an emergency fund. He would rather get paid a little less sometimes and treat his employees to raises and bonuses and good benefits. So…yeah. I definitely know the value of the hard earned dollar."

"Your dad sounds like a smart man," Lorelai commented.

"Smartest man I've ever known."

Lorelai appreciated Levi's deep affection and respect for his father; she was really beginning to understand why Rory felt such a deep connection with him.

"I have to ask, though: you don't seem like the type of person who is well-versed in the software world, no offense. How did you know who my dad was?"

Lorelai gave Levi a wry smile. "Christopher."

"Rory's dad, right?"

She nodded. "He was always chasing after the next big thing in tech and software once he decided Princeton wasn't in the cards for him. He idolized your father. 'I could be the next Eddie Hollis!' he would say. I can't tell you how many times I heard his rags to riches story."

"Well now you know those tales are greatly exaggerated. It's more like…clearance rack to new arrivals."

They both chuckled at this.

"It's really sweet of you to be doing this for Rory," Lorelai said, giving him a knowing look.

Levi blushed. "Yeah well…she's worth it."

Lorelai smiled warmly at him. "I agree 100%. I'll let you know what room they're in so you can surprise our girl."

"Thanks, Lorelai."

He started to walk away but Lorelai called after him. "Hey Levi?"

He turned. "Yeah?"

"I think you're really good for her. Luke and I both do."

He smiled gratefully. "Thank you. That means a lot to me. She's good for me, too, just so you know. The world was mostly black and white before I met Rory; not bad as far as I knew. Now I feel like I'm seeing it all in technicolor…I had not idea what I was missing."

Lorelai was both amused and deeply moved by his words; he was definitely a writer. He gave her a wave and went off to find Rory.

* * *

The afternoon before the test run was upon them. Lorelai was going over everything with a fine-toothed comb; she did not want to look anything that might disturb her friends and guests. After being scolded by Sookie for going overboard, she promised she would only take one last look at the brochures and amenities sheets then try and relax. This proved to be a smart decision, as Lorelai discovered that Michel tried to sneak extra amenities like "shoe shines" onto the lists. She could not imagine the kerfuffle Taylor would have caused if he did not receive every item on the papers exactly as listed. As punishment, she made Michel go to the print shop with the updated amenities accompanied by Luke, who he knew would not let him get away with anything.

Rory had worked tirelessly behind the scenes to help ease her mother's burden. So when Levi arrived later that day, he insisted that she join her mother in taking some relaxation time. After they both tried to sneak back into the Dragonfly to finish up some tasks, Sookie called Emily to whisk them away for an evening at the spa.

Rory was not initially thrilled by the idea of spending a few hours at the spa, but when they entered the lobby, her heart leapt and she let out a shriek of delight.

"Kayla! Sarah! What are you guys doing here?"

Her friends screamed excitedly in return and the three girls hugged each other tightly.

"We're here for the test run!" Sarah informed her.

"And we missed you," Kayla added.

"I can't believe you guys are here! How did you know we were coming to the spa?"

The two girls glanced over at Lorelai and Emily, exchanging mischievous looks.

"Were you all in on this together?"

Lorelai held her hands up in defense. "Hey, I knew they were coming. I knew nothing about the spa."

Emily chimed in, "But I did. That boyfriend of yours is quite the operative, Rory. He conspired with Sookie to get you two out of the Dragonfly, then he called and asked me if I would pick your friends up at the airport. Of course I agreed."

"Levi did this?" Rory asked incredulously.

Her friends snickered. "Why are you so surprised?" Sarah asked. "Levi is totally smitten with you."

"You're the Leia to his Han," Kayla said.

"You're such a nerd, Kayla," Rory teased her friend with a wink.

Kayla gave them all the "live long and prosper" hand sign. "Nerdy and proud!"

* * *

After a tremendously relaxing evening at the spa, the ladies returned to the Crap Shack for movies and junk food, including Emily.

"Really, Lorelai, I can just go home."

"No, Mom. Stay! We'll have pizza and eat way too much sugar. Live a little," Lorelai insisted.

Since Kayla had made the reference to Star Wars at the spa, they decided to have a mini Star Wars marathon.

"Under one condition," Kayla had said. "We only watch the originals. The new ones, while they have Ewan McGregor, pale in comparison. Not even close."

"I'm fine with ogling Harrison Ford," Emily commented, much to everyone's amusement.

Everyone was passed out by the end of _The Empire Strikes Back_.

Almost everyone.

Rory had dozed off briefly, but noticed her mother was missing when she awakened. She wandered into the kitchen and found her brewing coffee.

Rory slid into a seat at the table. "You're still awake?"

"Couldn't sleep. I keep running through what I need to do tomorrow; my mind won't stop racing."

"Coffee won't keep you up?"

"That's what they say. But I say those people are idiots."

Rory laughed at this. "It's funny you say that. Levi and I had this exact conversation a few months ago."

"So he's a coffee fiend, too?"

Rory nodded vigorously. "Like you wouldn't believe. And he can get pretentious about it, too. He does with coffee what some people do with wines. He'll sip it and say something like, 'Oh there's some bold notes of dark chocolate with subtle hints of citrus.' He can also tell the difference between an Ethiopian blend and a Columbian blend after one taste. It's truly astonishing."

"Uh can I marry him instead? Do you think he goes for older chicks?"

Rory gave her mom a playful swat. "Gross, Mom! Anyway, clearly he prefers younger girls since he's turning 22 this fall."

"How scandalous! A 21-year-old man dating a 19-year-old. Is there a male equivalent of a cougar?"

"Probably not since women's romantic and sexual preferences are mocked and shamed in our society and men's are celebrated," Rory grumbled.

Lorelai pinched her cheek affectionately. "Aww that's my little feminist!"

"And damn proud. But isn't Luke two years older than you, too?"

"Huh. I think you're right."

"When is his birthday?" Rory asked.

"Uhh…he's a Scorpio, I know that," Lorelai replied, a dreamy smile forming on her face as she thought about the horoscope he'd pulled out of his wallet all those weeks ago.

"You're dating the man! And you've known him eight years! But you don't know his birthday?"

"Luke keeps his cards close to his chest! You don't know it either, smarty pants!"

"Touche, touche."

Lorelai pulled out a newspaper. "Okay, if he's a Scorpio, his birthday is between October 23 – November 22. Maybe that's why he hates Halloween and the Thanksgiving season so much? Because they interfere with his birthday?"

Rory shook her head. "We can't base it on distaste for holidays. Luke hates all major celebrations."

"Fair point. Okay so. Luke would never celebrate, but people in this town are bound to know about it. So is there a day when the diner is closed around then? A day that we wouldn't really notice?"

Rory gave her a look. "I think you would notice any day the diner wasn't open."

"You're funny. Maybe you should drop out of college and pursue a career in standup comedy."

"It's always good to keep my options open. Thanks for the tip."

Lorelai drummed her fingers on the table, thinking. "Thanksgiving is the only thing coming to mind, but that's not really within the time frame."

"What about Veteran's Day?"

"That has to be it. But how could I not have realized the diner was closed that day for all these years?"

"Probably because you spend that day either doing events at work or coming to events at my school where coffee is provided."

"Huh. You're right. I'll have to find a way to confirm with Luke."

"Confirm with Luke about what?"

Luke entered quietly through the back door.

"Sadly, Butch, we were discussing your birthday."

Luke groaned. "Who cares about my birthday?"

"We do!" the Gilmore girls cried in unison.

"Sshh! You'll wake the whole neighborhood."

"Good. Maybe they'll back us up on the importance of birthdays."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Fine. It's November 11."

Rory and Lorelai high-fived. "We are _excellent_ detectives, Dr. Watson," Lorelai said in her best British accent.

"It's elementary, my dear Sherlock."

Lorelai turned from her daughter to smile at her boyfriend. "Did you need something, babe? Not that I'm not happy to see you."

"Just wanted to check on you. See how you were doing. Levi and I just finished up for the evening."

"Is he still awake?" Rory asked.

Luke shook his head. "Nah, he's passed out in the spare bedroom in my apartment. Thought I was gonna have to carry him up the stairs."

Rory yawned. "In that case, I think I'll head to bed myself. Goodnight, Mom. Night, Luke. You two behave yourselves. Remember, my bedroom is right on the other side of this door."

"I promise we won't do anything too dirty." Lorelai gave her daughter a wink while Luke's ears burned red.

Rory winked back and shut her door.

"You shouldn't say things like that. You'll scar her for life."

"Psht. That ship sailed a long time ago, my friend. I already have money set aside to send her to therapy when she's ready."

Luke scoffed.

"I'm serious. I know I was trying to be funny, but I'm prepared to send her to see a therapist whenever she needs."

"Since when are you a shrink advocate?"

Lorelai shrugged. "Since I was in California, I guess. I don't know. When I went to see Mia after everything she and I were fighting, it just felt _good_ to get all of my feelings out and talk to someone. I did that once a week with Mia until Christmas. Then one day I realized therapy is basically the same thing. I know it's more intensive and reflective, which terrifies me, but…I think everyone needs a little help sometimes. I don't know jack squat about doing taxes, so I go see a CPA. What's the harm in getting some assistance from an expert when it comes to my sanity as well?"

Luke was taken aback. He never thought Lorelai would willingly allow herself to go to therapy. "Have you ever gone?"

"Not yet. But I'm planning on it. My mom sent me a list of some of the best people in the area."

"Your _mother_ knows about this?" Luke couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice.

Lorelai chuckled at that. "I know, I was as shocked as you are. But she told me that when I ran away, after she finally got out of bed, she went to see someone for awhile. It was very hush hush because of how their community views mental health, but she said it helped a lot. Actually…she told me she wished she had kept going. She went just long enough to feel a little better, but in hindsight she realized she might have figured out a way to mend our relationship sooner if she had stayed. She was just afraid."

"Wow." That's all Luke could think to say.

Lorelai took his hand. "I know, right? It feels like we are living in some bizarre-o universe. Rory is at Stanford. I'm getting along with my parents. I'm in a healthy relationship with the perfect man. Who would've thought?"

"I would've," Luke replied. "I _hoped_ at least. For some of it anyway."

"I'm glad you dared to dream."

She leaned over and kissed him.

 _Will it ever not feel this way?_ she wondered. _Magical and wonderful and soul-consuming._

They finally broke apart and Luke stood up. "I had better go before I do something to embarrass myself."

Lorelai gave him a coy grin. "Oh honey, you don't have _anything_ to be embarrassed about."

This made him blush. "Stop. You're gonna make it worse."

"Am I?" she walked over and placed her hands on his chest.

He backed away and opened the door. "Goodnight, Lorelai."

"Boo! You're no fun!"

"We'll see about that," he said, winking at her before he closed the door behind him.

* * *

When Lorelai woke up on June 25, she felt like it was Christmas morning. After she went through her morning routine and grabbed coffee at Luke's, the rest of the day flew by as everyone made the final preparations for the test run.

Once the guests started arriving, everything went off without a hitch. Lorelai felt paranoid about how smoothly things went, just waiting for something to go terribly wrong.

But it never did, unless you counted Babette's robe slipping and briefly exposing her upper half to Luke across the table.

As her friends and family sipped on coffee in the dining room and played games together, Lorelai stood in the doorway and soaked up the scene before her.

She saw her parents engaged in a heated game of Boggle with Mrs. Kim and Morey.

Babette and Miss Patty were letting Luke win at Yahtzee to make up for the nip slip.

Rory was catching up with Lane, who became fast friends with both Kayla and Sarah.

Levi was laughing with Jackson and, oddly enough, Taylor over a game of cards.

Sookie and Michel walked over to join her.

"Everyone seems to be settled," Michel commented.

Sookie agreed. "And they all seem happy."

"They do, don't they?" Lorelai looked at her two friends. "This is gonna work."

The three of them shared and excited grin before joining everyone else in the dining room.

Lorelai stayed back a little longer, reveling in this moment.

A year ago, she and Rory had been in Europe. She was feeling heartsick over Rory leaving for Stanford and Luke's engagement. The Dragonfly was just an idea on paper. Her parents were barely speaking to her.

If someone had told her last June that this would be her life, she would've laughed in their face.

Yet here she was, living her dream. Well on her way to having her total package.


	20. The Road Less Traveled

**A/N:** This is it! The end of the road!

I started this story in June 2017. It is now April 2019. It's been a long journey, but it has been amazing for me. I can't thank you all enough for reading and for your support. I hope you have enjoyed this AU. It was fun to explore these characters in a new world. As of now, there are no plans for a sequel...but never say never :)

Thank you all SO MUCH again. This story was my baby and I am happy to finally send it off, complete, into the world :)

If anyone is interested, I created a Spotify playlist based on the song lyrics/titles used for this fic. You'll have to paste the link and correct the spacing for it to work :)

Check it out here: h **tt ps** : / / open . spotify . **co m /** playlist / 2GlhYahqiCZfLLADZwJGh2

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 **The Road Less Traveled**

 _Two roads diverged in a wood, and I_

 _I took the one less traveled by,_

 _And that has made all the difference._

\- Robert Frost, _Two Roads Diverged in a Wood_

 _3 years later…._

"Lorelai, will you calm down? We'll see her during the ceremony!"

"That doesn't count! We get to watch her walk across the stage from a distance. It's not the same as up close contact!"

Luke rolled his eyes at his wife. "Well in order for that to happen we need to actually be in our seats, preferably somewhere that has a good view of the stage so you can witness that moment."

Lorelai smiled at his annoyance. It made her happy to know that after a decade of knowing each other, including their three years as a couple, some things about Luke would never change. She clung to his arm and gave it a squeeze. "You're right, you're right. I'm just anxious to see our girl all dressed up in her black and red graduation attire. You know Gilmore Girls look damn good in red. No wonder Rory chose this school!"

Luke snorted. "Yeah I'm sure that was a huge factor in this life-changing decision."

Lorelai barely heard him as she spotted her daughter. She squealed so loudly Luke thought he might have to invest in a hearing aid. She started to run toward her daughter but Luke held her back. "Hey, I know you're eager to see her, but since you insisted on wearing those death traps on your feet, I need you to be careful with the running around, okay?"

She gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, you're right. I'm just so swept up in Rory's big moment that I forgot about these guys for a minute." She looked down at her pregnant belly. "Don't worry boys, Daddy's got your back, and Mommy's going to be better about paying attention to you today." She patted Luke's arm and kissed him sweetly before walking over to meet her daughter. Luke watched with amusement as she held back her urge to run. He cracked a smile and shook his head, still in disbelief that they had made it to this point.

Having Luke around as Rory entered her sophomore year at Stanford had really helped Lorelai get used to her daughter being so far away. Some days were harder than others, but Luke knew on those days to bring her coffee and sweets after work, and he held her on the roughest days when she still cried. The two did their best to visit their girl each semester - once around Rory's birthday in the fall and once around Lorelai's birthday in the spring. Rory always came home for Christmas, but started staying in California each summer after her sophomore year. Luke and Lorelai planned a vacation to visit that first summer, when Luke asked for Rory's blessing to ask Lorelai to marry him. He had intended to wait until they were back home to propose, but he realized Rory should be included in this big event.

One day while they were all taking photos at the Golden Gate Bridge for the millionth time, Luke seized the moment and got down on one knee. The three of them decided to pick a date that would work best for Rory the next time she was home, and ultimately chose December 12, which gave them approximately six months to plan a wedding.

While all of this was coming together, other things started to fall apart. Out of the blue, a teenage girl showed up at Luke's diner, claiming he could be her father. When he discovered that this 12-year-old girl was indeed his, he was at a loss for how to tell Lorelai. He went back and forth on the best way to break the news for the better half of a week before he decided the best thing to do was rip off the band aid and just come clean. She was shocked, of course, but very understanding. He was so glad he had shared this with her because she proved to be invaluable to him as an ally with his daughter's mother. Lorelai understood the protective single mom thing better than anyone, and even though under the surface she despised the woman who kept Luke's child from him, she was able to help Anna come to terms with sharing April and Luke's place in her life.

On the day of their wedding, it snowed. They married inside the Dragonfly under the chuppah, surrounded by their family and friends. It truly was Lorelai's dream wedding. They accompanied Rory back to school in January and took their honeymoon in Southern California, including a trip to Disneyland with Rory.

When they returned, they immediately got to work, though neither of them had any complaints about it. The couple had decided a long time ago that they wanted to have more children together, and they wanted to start their family as soon as possible. But it was a difficult and painful journey. Just a few months after their wedding, Lorelai discovered she was pregnant and they were overjoyed. Their happiness was short lived, however, when Lorelai experienced a terrible miscarriage a few weeks later. Luke was not sure he or his wife would ever recover from this devastating loss. The sadness was only intensified when Rory informed her mother that she would be remaining in California again that summer in order to work on her portfolio and beefing up her resume for graduate school, and to prepare for her final year at Stanford. Luke tried to convince Lorelai to tell her daughter about the miscarriage, but she refused, saying she didn't want Rory to worry as she finished up with school. When things continued to worsen, Luke became desperate. He missed his cheerful, bubbly wife, and though he knew everyone grieved differently, something had to be done. So he did something drastic and called Emily. After Lorelai and her mother talked and cried together that day, things started to go back to normal.

However, the couple still had trouble conceiving and began to feel very disheartened, fearing that the baby they had lost may have been the only child they would ever have. They agreed that they would keep trying, but if nothing happened soon, they were more than happy with the two daughters they already had. But as fate would have it, Lorelai's first pregnancy test of the new year brought them good news. Luke made sure to take every precaution known to man, and Lorelai happily agreed. They made it past the 12-week mark with no problems. Then through the 16-week mark. Then just before they departed for Rory's graduation, Luke and Lorelai learned that they were having twin boys and that Lorelai was still okay to travel. Everyone was elated.

Still lost in his thoughts, Luke didn't notice his wife and step-daughter calling out to him. Lorelai walked over and placed her hand on his arm. "Earth to Luke! Come in Luke!"

Luke snapped out of his reverie, blinking rapidly for a moment to bring himself back to reality.

"You okay babe? We've been calling your name for like an hour," Lorelai teased as she rubbed his arm.

Luke rolled his eyes. "Please. It can't have been more than two minutes."

Lorelai pretended to think for a minute. "Hmm...let's just agree that it was more than five but less than ten." She kissed his cheek and took his hand. "Come on, Rory wants to say hello to you before she goes to join the other graduates, and I need to use the bathroom _again_ because your sons are playing soccer with my bladder."

"Oh, so when Liam and Noah are causing you problems, suddenly they're my sons?"

"Yup. Sorry hon, I don't make the rules."

Luke chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze as they walked up to Rory and parted ways. Rory beamed at him. "I'm so glad you guys are here."

Luke embraced his step-daughter in a firm hug. "We wouldn't miss it kid," he said, trying not to let the lump in his throat hinder his speech.

"Thank you for everything, Luke," Rory said. Luke tried to wave her off like it was nothing. "Stop. I know you think it's nothing, but it was everything, Luke. My whole life you've been there for me and my mom. You were the first man who ever saw me for me, rather than just the kid of the woman you were interested in."

"Yeah, well, I liked you better than her for a while."

Rory giggled. "I know you did. Our relationship is what made Mom decide to befriend you in the first place, and I'm pretty sure it's one of the reasons she fell in love with you."

Luke blushed and stared at the ground, smiling. Rory continued, "Mom never would've made it with me at Stanford without you. I don't think _I_ would've made it at Stanford without you. You have always been our rock, and I am so glad that you became an official and legal part of our lives. My little brothers are so lucky to get to grow up with you as their dad." Rory's voice wavered on her last few words.

Luke pulled her into another hug and whispered, "I always wished you were mine." Rory mumbled a response into his chest that Luke couldn't hear. "What?"

Rory pulled away from him. "I said, I always wished that, too. I used to imagine what it would be like if you were my dad." The two hugged again, this time for a little longer.

Lorelai came upon them wrapped in that embrace, and took a pause to soak up the moment . Her eyes filled with tears as she thought about how incredibly lucky she felt, with the lives growing inside of her and the scene before her eyes.

 _Damn hormone_ s, she chided herself, wiping the tears away. She took a steadying breath then went to join her husband and daughter. The three of them said their goodbyes, and Luke and Lorelai headed toward their seats while Rory went to join the other graduates.

Before she reached them, someone came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. Rory whirled around as Levi pulled her into his arms.

"You made it!" she cried gleefully.

"Wouldn't have missed it, Gilmore," he said, tilting his head to give her a hello kiss. "I saved up a little PTO for the occasion. Plus it gives me a chance to say hey to my pops in Santa Barbara. Two birds, one stone and all that."

Rory was glowing. "I am so glad you are here." She hugged him tightly. He rested his chin on the top of her head.

Lorelai watched the couple from a distance, feeling her heart swell with joy. She never thought Rory would end up with a literature nerd whose family wealth and status impressed even the elder Gilmores, yet here they were. Lorelai also didn't hate the fact that his job in New York may or may not have influenced Rory's decision to come back to the East Coast for graduate school. And it didn't hurt that he had his foot in the door of a major publishing company if Rory decided to pursue either editing or writing.

The ceremony seemed to drag on, but the speaker was good. Lorelai knew her daughter would be enthralled by the businessman-turned-writer addressing them that day. Reading his bio, she couldn't help but laugh. "Looks like Rory may be following in this guy's footsteps," she said, pointing to his list of degrees. Luke read the names of the schools and fake scoffed. "Yeah, except our girl is going to Yale for graduate school. Not that rathole Harvard."

Lorelai grinned from ear to ear. She still couldn't believe Rory had decided to pursue a graduate degree in English language and literature at Yale.

"Yale," Lorelai whispered happily.

Luke squeezed her hand and smiled back at her. "Rory's going to Yale."

When it was finally time for Rory's name to be called, the couple whistled and cheered appropriately for their daughter. Luke snapped some photos while Lorelai simply enjoyed the moment.

After the ceremony, they met up with Richard and Emily, who had arrived just in time for the ceremony due to traffic delays.

"How does anyone get from place to place in a reasonable amount of time here?" Emily complained at the dinner table. "Honestly it's just ridiculous. Rory, I am incredibly proud of you, but I am thrilled to put this nightmarish traffic mess behind me."

Rory laughed. "Thanks, Grandma. And if the traffic is the worst thing about me being at Stanford, then I'll consider my time here a success."

"Here here!" Lorelai cheered, raising her glass in toast. "To Rory, a Stanford graduate!"

"And future Yale Bulldog!" Richard added jovially.

Levi chimed in,"And future Empirical Press employee!"

"To Rory!" Luke and Emily echoed.

They all clinked their glasses together in celebration.

Rory soaked in the scene around her. Four years ago, she never would've expected to be in this place, in every sense of the word. It had always just been her and Lorelai. Stanford had never been on her radar. She had always wanted to be a journalist. She thought Dean or Jess was her meant to be. Now she was returning to Connecticut after living on the West Coast for four years. She was going to graduate school for English with plans to become a writer or editor. Her mother and grandparents were closer than ever (though they did still have their "you got Gilmored" moments). Luke was her stepfather and she was about to become a big sister. And she had Levi. She glanced over at him and caught him staring at her. He blushed but then flashed her one of his dazzling smiles. She glanced around the table once more, feeling her heart swell with joy and love for these people.

When they all parted ways that evening, Rory pulled her mother aside.

"Everything okay, kid?"

Rory nodded. "Yeah. I just…" She hugged her mother as best she could, hindered by her growing little brothers. "I love you, Mom. Thank you."

"Oh, Rory," Lorelai sniffled. "I love you, too."

Rory wiped her eyes. "You've given me everything I need. All that I am is because of you."

"Damn hormones," Lorelai tried to laugh through her tears. "The feeling is mutual. You going to Stanford, as hard as it was, helped me become…myself. I was Rory's mom for so long that I didn't know how to be just Lorelai. Now I know. Just in time, too, before I become Noah and Liam's mom. And they are so lucky to have you as their big sister."

"They are even luckier to have you as their mom…and Luke as their dad."

"He loves you like you are his, Rory."

"I know. But I wish I could've had him all along, so I'm glad my brothers will always have him."

They hugged again, trying to gain their composure.

"I have something for you," Rory said as they pulled apart. "It's a little poem I found while I was doing some research for my finals. I thought it described us and the last four years really well, so I had it printed and framed with a photo of the three of us at the Golden Gate bridge when Luke proposed."

She pulled the gift out of her bag and handed it to her mother. When Lorelai read the words of the poem, all the control she had regained vanished. She hugged her daughter once more. "I love you so much, Rory. More than you'll ever know."

Luke was a little panicked when he saw his wife's state when she climbed into their rental car. "Everything okay?"

Lorelai nodded and gave him a watery smile. "Here," she said, handing him the frame. "It's a gift from Rory."

He was pleased with the picture Rory had chosen; it had been one of his favorites for many years. As he began reading the accompanying poem, he, too, started to tear up.

 _If I had two wishes, I know what they would be_

 _I'd wish for roots to cling to, and wings to set me free;_

 _roots of inner values, like rings within a tree,_

 _and wings of independence to seek my destiny._

 _Roots to hold forever to keep me safe and strong,_

 _to let me know you love me, when I've done something wrong;_

 _to show me by example, and helps me learn to choose,_

 _to take those actions everyday, to win instead of lose._

 _Just be there when I need you, to tell me it's alright,_

 _to face my fear of falling when I test my wings in flight;_

 _Don't make my life to easy, it's better if I try,_

 _And fail and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly._

 _If I had two wishes, and two were all I had,_

 _And they could just be granted, by my mom and dad;_

 _I wouldn't ask for money any store-bought things,_

 _the greatest gifts I'd ask for are simply Roots and Wings._

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 **A/N:** I imagine that the Golden Gate Bridge photo looked something like this: h t **tp** : / **/** annawu . co **m** / blog / w **p-** content / uploads / 2018 / 12 / gg **_0** 3 . **jp** g

Thanks again!


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